Virgin Lizard, You Ain't No Canuck, Home Prices On The Rise Since 1982, Black Speaks Pretty Too Much
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Virgin Lizard, You Ain’t No Canuck, Home Prices On The Rise Since 1982, Black Speaks Pretty Too Much

There’s only so much one can write about the Robert Pickton trial, 48 Abell and the $8 minimum wage. Today, we present “News Roundup Lite”…

The Immaculate Conception could have happened, proves a Komodo dragon in the Manchester Zoo. Flora got herself knocked-up with 5 baby Komodos despite the fact that she lives in solitary captivity. Scientists theorize that Flora was either impregnated after a visit from God, or had been sneaking out of her cage at night to party with some older Komodos and drink wine coolers.
It’s a glorious mystery.
Even if you wear a tuque and say “eh” in your sleep, you may not be Canadian according to Citizenship and Immigration Canada. 450 people have been turned away from passport offices emptyhanded after finding out they had violated The Citizenship Act of 1977. Are you a Canadian who was born abroad after Feb. 14, 1977? Apparently, you have to register before age 28 to confirm your “attachment” to the country or you lose your citizenship.
Long-time homeowners rejoice! Home prices in Toronto have increased by 290% in the last 25 years. If you’re lucky enough to live in Barrie, home prices have gone up by 371% in our cosmopolitan sister to the North.
Conrad Black speak too good, will not make sense to jury. Black’s lawyer, Edward Greenspan, believes that the gifted vocabularian will have a harder time connecting with the jury if they can’t understand his big words. Solution? Greenspan has made a bet that Black has to pay him $5 for every 5-syllable word he uses, $4 for every 4-syllable word, $3 etc…but he can use all the one- and two-syllable words he wants. That’s so Kafkaesque.