Tories Find Some Cash, Which Panhandlers Likely Want, And Farewell To Canada’s First Weatherman

By Christopher Bird

Natural resources minister Gary Lunn (left) announces a new $238 million green science fund for development of new energy techologies. Distributed over four years that’s a little less than sixty million dollars a year, which will totally be all that’s needed to invent fusion reactors, perfect hydrogen fuel cells and give us all the rocket-backpacks we’ve been waiting for our whole lives.
Defence minister finds the money to allow the navy to patrol our territorial waters. Presumably by looking under the couch cushions.
Executive director John Kiru of the Toronto Association of Business Improvement Areas comes out in favour of panhandling ban. In response, “Too Tall” Johnny McSlogger, executive director of the Toronto Panhandler’s Rebel Alliance And Recreation Hall, responds: “Wait, you mean business owners don’t like beggars? But we add so much local flavour. Is it maybe the profanity-laden tirades? We can try to work something out where we do less of those, if you give me a dollar.”
City Hall divided on the banning of plastic shopping bags. Former Tory MPP John Parker busts out the wholly predictable totalitarian-state argument for letting businesses continue to use plastic bags, because you know if you ban plastic shopping bags it’s just one more step to cloning Mussolini and then putting Clone Mussolini in charge of everything.
Canada’s first TV weatherman and the first person to ever appear on the CBC, Percy Saltzman, dead at 91. His trademark was tossing his chalk in the air – the same chalk he used to do the weather markings from memory for every weather report. You know what this proves? Modern TV weathermen are freakin’ wimps.
And finally, the Raptors beat the snot out of the Kings yesterday.
Image from the CBC web archives.