TV Party: Who Needs Alcohol When You've Got Kurt Browning?

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TV Party: Who Needs Alcohol When You’ve Got Kurt Browning?

So you’re stuck at home with the kids. Or you’re feeling under the weather. Or you’re tired of scrambling around at 11:58 looking for someone to make out with. There are many, many reasons why you might be staying in this New Year’s Eve. But there is no reason why you can’t be a party of one in front of the tube! There are offerings for any taste Sunday night for those who don’t make it off the couch.
2006_12_27tvparty.jpgIf you’re the type who just HAS to pretend you’re at a party with thousands of people having the time of your life, you can always tune in to CityTV’s annual New Year’s Eve Bash from Nathan Phillips Square (CityTV, 11 PM), where you can ring in the new year listening to really crappy bands like Hedley. Or, flip to City’s sister station MuchMusic, where they’re actually, inexplicably, apocalyptically, bringing back Electric Circus for one night only, followed by the two-hour Commercial Free New Year’s Eve Dance Party, because no one likes hearing about dandruff shampoo when they’re trying to get their groove on (MuchMusic, 11 PM).
If old-people humour is your thing, CBC will be airing 2006: Year Of The Farce, Royal Canadian Air Farce’s sketch wrap-up of the past year, at both 8 and 11 PM. Sandwiched between them, Ron James, quite possibly the most annoying comedian in the Western Hemisphere, goes to BC and then tells us why that’s funny. Our guess – something involving a moose smoking pot (CBC, 8 PM).
Global, however, puts all of the above to shame. At 8 they’ll be showing this ode to New Year’s debauchery, followed by Kurt Browning giving us a lesson in the history of men’s figure skating on Kurt Browning: Ice Legends. Because nothing says New Year’s Eve like men’s figure skating (Global, 8 PM).
If everything you’ve just read sounds absolutely horrid, have no fear – there are actual options out there. If you’re into sci-fi, Space has a pretty good movie marathon starting at 7 PM, with Mars Attacks!, Alien, Blade Runner and Alien3 (Space, 7 PM).
Action nuts can watch all three Beverly Hills Cop movies on Bravo! (Bravo!, 9 PM).
If you dig Hugh Hefner (and really, who doesn’t?) and wannabe Playboy Playmates, Star! will be showing five and a half hours of Girls Next Door (Star!, 9:30 PM).
And for all you jocks and/or armchair quarterbacks, TSN will be showing the Chicago Bears demolishing the Green Bay Packers (you would think) on the NFL‘s late game (TSN, 8:15 PM).
So there you have it – a veritable cornucopia of choices for New Year’s Eve slothful entertainment. Read on for our picks of what else to watch this week.


What else to watch this week:
Tonight: Trial and Error – Hmmm this is an odd one. Not only is this marginally funny legal comedy starring Goodwill Ambassador Michael Richards still being aired after his meltdown earlier this year, it’s being played on W, of all places. It does have its moments, however, and you may never get a chance to see it again. W, 7 PM
Thursday: Masterworks – Leonard Cohen has fallen on some hard times lately, but he should be remembered the way he was portrayed in Donald Brittain’s 1965 portrait, Ladies and Gentlemen, Mr. Leonard Cohen, playing Thursday night on TVO’s Masterworks. TVO, 8 PM
Friday: The Tonight Show With Jay Leno – Celebrated drunken anti-Semitic wacko Mel Gibson is Jay’s guest. This sort of speaks for itself. A Channel, 11:30 PM
Saturday: MythBusters – Watch Adam and Jamie prove or disprove whether a high-pitched voice can shatter glass, whether a penny dropped from an office tower can kill someone, or whether your ceiling fan can cut your head off, for 12 STRAIGHT HOURS! That’s right, it’s a MythBusters marathon, and that can only mean your assgroove will be getting some serious work on Saturday. Discovery, 6 PM
Monday:Battlestar Galactica Miniseries – Okay, it’s been talked about ad nauseum, and it’s obviously no secret anymore that Battlestar Galactica is the best show in the history of forever, and anyone who doesn’t know that is stupid. Well, not really. But it is by far one of the best shows on television today. If you haven’t jumped on board yet, you should check out this four-hour miniseries, which started the series, this Monday night. Space, 7 PM
Tuesday: World Junior Hockey Championship, First Quarter-Final Game – See the future of the NHL from around the world battle for the title of World’s Best Under-20 Hockey Team. The teams for this game are still TBA, but any of these kids are a thrill to watch (especially with the Leafs looking so terrible these days). TSN, 7 PM

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