Kim is Sorry, The Grits Are Tory Wary, the New York Mets Are Losers (Again), and OJ Confesses... Sorta!
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Kim is Sorry, The Grits Are Tory Wary, the New York Mets Are Losers (Again), and OJ Confesses… Sorta!

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A seven (!!) alarm fire destroyed a building at Queen and Sherbourne. The building was occupied by a paint store which had been there since 1913. Firefighters rushed to the scene to stop the fire from spreading.
King Jong Il is “very sorry” about the nuclear test. Also, the leader of Korea expressed sentiments such as “it would totally be cool” if he could have “an awesome sleepover party” sometime in the near future with Western leaders.
The federal Tories are reportedly preparing for by-elections in London and Montreal. Liberals respond by saying that calling for by-elections during their leadership campaign is bad voodoo. Rest of Canada pretends to act surprised that the Tories would play dirty and the Grits would complain about it.
An Ottawa company plans to clean up radioactive waste… by diluting it and dumping it in the Ottawa River. They got the idea from that bit in The Great Escape where the prisoners dump the ground from the tunnel they’re digging into the yard through their pants. It’s just like that. Except it’s radioactive.
Charges issued against a man accused of defrauding at least twelve daycare centres, then fleeing to Kenya. Wow, he literally stole from children! You have to give him some kind of credit in the Evil Sweepstakes for that one. He could’ve just ripped off an accounting firm or something, but nope – he stole from kids. This guy needs a moustache to twirl and a suitably demonic laugh!
David Miller accused of setting up young black men as “props” for campaign appearances. This one kind of screams out “non-story due to misunderstanding.” Or, possibly, “David Miller is really just that bad a campaigner.”
Although technically I suppose this doesn’t qualify as “news”, the Mets lost last night. The St. Louis Cardinals now have the privilege of getting their asses handed to them by the Detroit Tigers.
And finally: O.J. Simpson To Publish Book Titled “If I Did It,” detailing “hypothetical” details of the infamous double homicide.

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