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Concerning “I LOVE TORONTO, DAMMMIT!”
Accordion Guy caught a Best Of Craigslist entry by someone (“Mary Fucking Sunshine”) who just plain loves our city. Yipee! Hoorah! We share the sentiment, of course, but there are a few big holes in “Mary”‘s pro-Toronto slant that need addressing. So, bear with us, and allow us to open up the debate. Read on.
Photo (“venus”) from nikky in the Torontoist + Flickr pool.
For God’s sake, I can’t take all this dissing anymore. I moved here a year ago, and I love this city that you all seem to hate.
Moved from where? Where is Mary from? This unfulfilled but important piece of information is crucial, since we have nothing to compare Toronto to or against.
– I love the subway. I love that it’s air-conditioned, and that it comes every 5 mins, even in off-times.
Only the subway cars are air-conditioned; the platforms and most stations retain a certain griminess that’s hard to describe (heavy? filthy?) but instantly recognizable to Torontonians. And five minutes feels like an eternity when someone beside you on a platform has soaked themselves in Axe or urine (same thing, though the latter is more excusable).
– I love getting surprised by bus- and streetcar-drivers who grin at you when you get on the bus, and sing out the stop names.
Awkwardness and surprise are different emotions. Mary appears to be confusing the two.
– I love that you can find fashionistas, indie kids, geeky scholars, and regular 9-5’ers all hanging out on the same patio.
Maybe, but they all hate each other. Watch closely.
– I love all the cozy lounges with fancy pants martinis. I love that I can get glitzed up a little to go get blitzed up a little.
Again, this brings into question Mary’s origin; it seems more and more like she is a loveable but naive Albertan farmhand who happens to have an excellent grasp of English grammar. Martinis are not endangered drinks in large cities.
– I love the vague, slow-as-molasses service at the Red Room because it forces you to sit back and chill.
“Darling, I simply adore the Red Room. Everytime I go there, the service is always spectacular. It’s just so vague, you know? I always like a lack of clarity with my dinner.”
– I LOVE that singing guitar man at the Madison. I also love that the Madison is basically a big frat house, but with better booze.
The Madison’s more like a Toronto frat house, but with actual people. Yet again, Mary’s original home comes into question: fraternities and sororities aren’t really a big deal in Toronto.
– I love the Beaches. (Beach? Whatever.) Especially that place with the really good calzones that you custom build, and all the cheese oozes out. Mmmmm!
Living here a year and already bitter about the Beaches’ mid-summer name change? This does not bode well for Mary’s future dealings with city politics. The calzones, on the other hand, sound delicious.
– I love that “Yale” and “Harvard” in the films is really just Trinity College and Convocation Hall.
Don’t forget Vic. Julia Stiles had sex in the stacks at the E.J. Pratt Library, and a massive streaking scene in American Pie 4 was just filmed there. But the real reason many major Hollywood studios film here isn’t U of T’s pretty campus: it’s because it’s disgustingly cheap.
– I love watching old B horror movies at Bloor Cinema.
This sounds acceptable. Until you realize that indie theatres like the Bloor are in constant danger of being swallowed up by huge movie companies like Alliance Atlantis, bought and turned into condos, or unceremoniously going out of business.
– I love that my vegetarian friends never have to stress about finding a veg-friendly restaurant. And I love that I can carnivore-down right next to them.
Then you haven’t met the militant breed of Toronto vegetarian who abhores the sight and smell of meat to the point where they forbid you from eating it near them. They’re out there, and you don’t find them; they find you.
– I love that there’s late night ice skating at Nathan Phillips Square. Ever walk down there some Chrismas-y night? It’s right out of a movie!
It is just like a movie! And then you start noticing the massive population of homeless people around Nathan Phillips Square, and see all the shiny happy white people in one hundred dollar skates and three hundred dollar coats and nice warm mits and hats ignoring them on the rink.
– I love Toronto food. Thai, Sushi, Korean, Mediterreanean, Greek, Portugese freakin’ barbecue… it’s all good. And it never ends.
I didn’t know that ‘Sushi’ was a culture of people unto itself. How do you tell a Sushi apart from a Korean?
– I love Toronto music. There’s jazz, rock, funk, electronic, folk, and it’s all everywhere, all the time. And then after the concert you can go out and enjoy a smokey, greasy hot dog in the night air and laugh at the crazy club kids. Love!
Sure, Toronto street meat’s all fine and dandy, until you get food poisoning and find yourself throwing up into a garbage can at Dundas West Station at 2 in the morning. As for music – yes, we have lots. But our music festivals are either incredibly weak (NXNE) or sponsored to death by corporations (V-Fest).
Most of all, I love all you guys. Everyone I’ve met, every date I’ve gone on, every cab driver that’s driven my drunk ass home, even the bums that hang out at red lights… they’ve all been warm and kind in at least some way.
Here we clearly see that Mary’s Toronto-centric delusions have taken hold. Loving Toronto for the kindness of its strangers is like loving Mississauga for its bustling nightlife, or loving Hamilton for its clean, fresh air.
I love reading all your guys’ drooling over the hot barristas at Starbucks, or the Cheese Magic boys, or the random people outside Hooker Harvey’s. (I love saying “Hooker Harvey’s”!!!)
Mary’s talking about Toronto’s Craigslist Missed Connections listings. The whole idea is kind of cute, but there’s an element to it that will always be a little bit creepy; it speaks to the voyeurism that’s so prevalent in a big city. Besides, it’s not like other cities don’t have succesful or interesting Craigslist Missed Connections listings. Compare the volume of ours to New York City’s. Maybe Mary just likes cities.
Yeah, I love even you grumpy angry Torontonians, because you remind me of everything I like about this city. An entire GTA-full of people, living their lives, pulling through their ups and downs, trying to make their way… it’s heartbreaking and uplifting, all at once.
How can the grumpy angry Torontonians remind Mary that she loves the city, when the biggest reason for her liking it – the one mentioned a paragraph before – is that we were all “warm and kind,” not “grumpy angry”? Toronto paints a nice coat of bitterness onto all its citizens eventually. Mary’s next.
Maybe after a few more years here, I’ll start to hate the city like you do. Maybe ennui will set in. But I doubt it… there is too much to discover, too much to try, and it’s always changing. So there! I love this stupid city, and I’m happy and proud to call it home!!
You won’t hate it, and you certainly won’t experience ennui. But maybe you’ll see why this city is really interesting: the dynamics of strangers in a big city, the cruelty of city politics, the fear-mongering mass media (remember the second Summer of the Gun?), the hopeless and sharp class divide, and the complete and utter self-sufficiency of any blue-blooded Torontonian. The true greatness in our city isn’t midnight skating at Nathan Phillips Square or our music scenes or spotting hot cheese employees – it’s making a genuine connection with real live people in a setting (a metropolis) that is not at all conducive to it. An anonymous posting on the internet proclaiming love for a giant dehumanizing city is just way too easy. There’s more to discover? Go for it.