We inaugurate our fug panel with a high brow/low brow double whammy. Here are two notorious Canadians – one high and frumpy, the other low and greasy. Why do the (twelve year-old) ladies swoon for Kalan? And why do the fairlyvains puff up for that puffin Graydon Carter? Our panel of critics, the talented lovelies Atkinson and Agrell, will mix constructive criticism with ‘what-the-fug-were-they-thinking’ honesty to bring you, dear readers, the skinny on all things tailored and tattered in and around Toronto.
Agrell:This is what Pig Pen would look like if he borrowed Charlie Brown’s favourite sweater and put it on sideways. He’s so greasy that his hair has actually come to life and is struggling to form an “X” on his forehead in the hopes that some disgruntled Idol judge will use it for target practice. And PS guys, appearing in public with a cute young girl in a death grip does not make you straight.
Atkinson: CTV is just throwing money at its Idol property, so why does it look like Kalan’s stylist is the 45-year-old hipster clerk at Urban Outfitters in Medicine Hat? Is there a UB in Medicine Hat? It screams errant Vienna Boys’ Choirboy moonlighting on a highway construction crew: “Road Work Ahead.” And why do I suddenly have a craving for reruns of that 70s show (and Canadian Saturday morning staple), the Hilarious House of Frankenstein? Oh yeah, that bad joke guy on the human foot, with the mosquito version of Flight of the Bumblebee…
Agrell: So it looks like the Skipper finally snapped, killing Gilligan and wading around in his blood until his Dockers were stained a ghastly hue. Then he stole Mr. Howell’s blazer and the professor’s shoes and used the wings of his new hairstyle to fly to Manhattan, where he got himself a new little buddy.
Atkinson: Didn’t Carter get Wintour’s last Condémemo? Only in Italy are men allowed to wear brown shoes with red pants. (Even then, they’re for cardinals only, and after Memorial Day.) And you just know that the brouhaha over the May VF cover of Desperate Housewives wasn’t about positioning and swimsuit selection: it’s that Graydon wanted to wear Anna’s cute d’Orsay pumps but she got to the wardrobe stylist first. Bitch.
– Ferry us your fuggable fashion fotos for future fashionisTOs.