The Adorable Files: Lohan, Missiles, Good Metaphor
Torontoist will attempt to put the current state of Canadian-US foreign relations into perspective. As earlier reported, Canada’s refusal to participate in the President’s Missile Defense Shield, has led to a variety of fallouts – leaving the situation in a bit of disarray.
In the classic movie Mean Girls, Lindsay Lohan plays the role of Cady Heron, a home-schooled foreigner who arrives at her new California public school and finds out that teenage life is not what she expected. Cady is given a quick lesson in psychological warfare and the unwritten social rules of which teenage girls constantly face. She struggles to balance her real friends, Art Freaks Damian and Janis, with her desire to be one of the cool girls, namely The Plastics. The Plastics consisted of three girls, Queen-Bee Regina George, and her followers, Gretchen Weiners and Karen Smith. They were the “it-girls” at North Shore High with everyone striving to be like them.
Enter the North American political system. As we all know the all-powerful United States is rather irritated at our government these days, fuelled by our Liberal stance on missile defense. Well now, much like Cady when Regina made the school believe she was behind their illustrious Burn Book, Martin is now the most unpopular girl in school with the President refusing to return his phone calls. It looks like the PM is going to have to join the Mathletes if he’s looking to make friends.
In a remake of Mean Girls, Torontoist would suggest the following roles:
Cady Heron – Lindsay Lohan or Paul Martin due to similar cup size.
Regina George – George Walker Texas Ranger Bush
Regina George Clone Gretchen Weiners – US Ambassador Paul Cellucci
Promiscuous Airhead Karen Smith – Secretary of State Condi Rice
“Too gay to function” Damian – Defense Minister Bill Graham
Socially Uncomfortable Janis – Foreign Affairs Minister Pierre Pettigrew