He Said, He Said: On Liberal-Thinking Women

By Joshua Errett

Wherever there is cheese, there are rats. Wherever there are rats, there are cats. Wherever there are cats there are dogs. And wherever there are liberal-thinking women, there is Torontoist.
After our good friend Paige Six took off to Venezuela for her reading week, Torontoist hit the concrete with one goal in mind: Meet liberal-thinking women. So while Paige was getting Busey in Latin America, the Adorable Sports Writer and Torontoist Josh were busy investigating the complexities of meeting liberal-thinking women in Toronto…

Adrian
As I browse through various George Bush memorabilia, deciding how much of my bank balance I should commit to Bush #43 football jerseys, I realise I face a serious conundrum: I am proud Conservative, yet I am so drawn to the liberal-thinking women. Why is this??
It so happens that every Thursday evening, just following the OC, Joshist and the Adorable Sports Writer get on the line to discuss our weekend plans. Only the centerpiece to these negotiations usually revolves around how we might be able to cross paths with such liberal-thinking women.
The demographic I am referring to are those in the twenty-one to twenty-nine year-old bracket. With older women, I definitely prefer to play the Conservative card. A perfect example is my love for former first-lady of Ontario Conservative Politics, Isabelle Basset.
Anyhow, back to the ‘why’ aspect of my quasi-obsession; I think it weighs heavily on the principal fact that liberal-thinking women are just so engaging! I can be myself…or I can be Seth Cohen…or I can be Fat Joe and the Terror Squad. Either way I come off as charming.
The best way to meet these women is to avoid loud, obnoxious dance-type clubs where talking is held to a minimum (although a little healthy dance-floor action never hurts). Sorry, but this rules out Lucid nightclub. However, with a city so large, it’s hard to narrow our search. Perhaps we’re missing out on a goldmine of opportunity. So what I’m going to do is leave it to the Torontoist faithful to help Joshist and Adorable with suggestions of where to meet these young liberal minded ladies.
Josh
At one time, meeting a liberal-thinking woman was simply a matter of wearing the right cardigan sweater – or even just growing a lengthy beard. But now these sorts of tactics are mostly seen as tired aesthetics. In the modern age, the key to the liberal-thinking female’s heart is humour.
In the past two weeks, I’ve found the best way to put your sense of humour on display is to invite a compassionate conservative out for the night. Just about anyone can look hilarious next to one of these people. Make fun of your conservative companion all night and the liberal-thinking females will fall directly into your arms.
To help out with this process, here are a few disses you can hurl at the nearest compassionate conservative:
“Do you intentionally dress like Donald Rumsfeld?”
“Funny you should knock the welfare state, when you’ve been living off your parents for the last 25 years!”
“You wouldn’t last a day in a free-market society with that haircut, pointdexter.”
And, if those don’t work, there’s the classic, “Is that your face, or did your neck throw up?” jab that I perhaps overuse. In the end, it’s not how liberal you are, but how conservative your friends are that is the attraction for liberal-thinking women.
(Pictured: Various liberal-thinking women)