He Said, She Said: V-Day Decisions

By Colin

When Adrian the Adorable Sports Writer shouts out the words, “I got 99 problems but a bitch ain’t one,” he isn’t only singing along to Jay-Z’s recent hit “99 Problems” but also assessing his own Valentine’s day fortunes. The guy is a lover, not a hater. Similarly, when Paige Six microwaves her underwear before going a formal, she isn’t bemoaning her own romantic luck as much as looking for dry under garments. Like cleanliness, she knows the value of a special V-day dinner far exceeds the general perception of Valentine’s as a ‘Hallmark Holiday.’
As we approach Monday, Torontoist columnists Paige and Age take a look at what is and isn’t good on Valentine’s Day. And, as we find out from the fab columnists, there’s more to V-day than wild sex and body fondue.

Paige
Generally, most people would consider assigning a single girl with
piece about the ins and outs of celebrating Valentine’s Day a huge
Don’t. But by pairing her up with an Adorable Sports Writer,
Torontoist’s matchmaking skills turn the assignment into an automatic
Do. After all, while other writers are left to blog this holiday
alone, he said/she said becomes the blogging equivalent of having a
fabulous date for February 14th.
The biggest Don’t of Valentine’s Day is over-complicating the holiday: Do not give elaborate presents. Spending stupid amounts of money is not romantic, just a desperate way to impress a girl. Do offer up personalized or self-made gifts: your girlfriend will know you took the time to figure out what would really make her smile.
Having Valentines ready to give out to your friends is an automatic Do
for the holiday. Remember how punching out pre-made Shoppers Drug-Mart
Valentine cards in elementary school was the only thing that February
14th used to mean to you? Bring back this playfulness and spend $2 on
some boxed-Valentines: the cheesy, ages-3-and-up kind printed with cartoons and silly messages offer a reminder of how the holiday should
be celebrated. But avoid turning the delivery of your Valentines into
a Don’t: make sure you keep the gushy messages and questioning of “what are your plaaaannns?” to a minimum. Valentines must be delivered with the appropriate level of light-hearted jadedness.
Don’t give carnations. Carnations are the pennies of flowers: no one uses them anymore and if you saw one lying around, it wouldn’t be worth it to stop and pick it up. Do be creative and unique with your flower selection. If you are going to give roses, learn that the different colours have different significance (yellow is friendship, for instance, while a thornless rose means ‘love at first sight’.)
Don’t be the creepy guy who offers self-serving advice to single girls as Valentine’s Day approaches. We see through your disguise, creepy friend, with ever sly questioning you make of a single girl’s plans. Telling us “you deserve to let a guy pamper you for the day!” is just as obnoxious as it is insulting to our chosen single status. Do, however, be the holiday hero of your group of single girlfriends by delivering a tiny V-day treat for each one. While a girl would feel uncomfortable if she was the only one shown your affection, giving flowers to many girls will cause them all to instantly compete with each other to show you just how much they appreciate the thought.
And Don’t let this be another Valentine’s Day where you pussy-out on
telling someone you like them. As cliché as secret admirers can seem,
the mystery and romance of having a Valentine’s crush is alluring to
any girl, regardless of her opinion on the holiday itself.
Adrian
With my newfound obsession for CSI reruns, I have recently spent more time watching Spike TV then I would prefer. For those who don’t know, Spike TV is the “First Official Network for Men,” with shows such as ‘WWE Raw,’ ‘Horsepower TV’, ‘The Ultimate Fighter,’ and ‘Trucks!’ commanding a large proportion of broadcast time.
Although generally quick to the remote during commercial breaks, there have been instances where I’ve zoned out and subjected myself to the “First Official Commercials for Men.” With Valentine’s Day falling this upcoming Monday, the recent advertisements have been exceptionally nauseating. I feel that Hulk Hogan must be the marketing director on some of these ads, leaving my intelligence continuously offended at how my demographic is treated. My personal favorite was for mail-order lingerie. Now I know this doesn’t seem too abnormal. Lingerie is a great gift to make her feel sexy, and that’s what Valentine’s is about. However it was the packaging of the advertisement that particularly sickened me. There were testimonials from both men and women alike, guaranteeing the endless rewards that will be bestowed on the man who takes advantage of this offer. It was almost saying that if your wife doesn’t put out, here’s your solution. Also, something just isn’t right about a man ordering lingerie while sitting in front of the TV, watching syndicated Star Trek in his underwear.
Then I realize these ads aren’t geared towards me. This Monday is an opportunity for long married couples, passed the fun years, to add some cheesy romance back to their marriage, and pretend if for just one day a year, that they are still hot for each other.
For those of us not living in a cave, we already know how we’re supposed to treat a woman. I’m not throwing down Valentine’s Day as a waste. No, definitely not. Every woman desires to feel special no matter what her age, or place in life. V-Day is the perfect opportunity to satisfy that desire. The problem however, is how we neglect the attention for the rest of the year, constantly putting rock-climbing or snowmobiling ahead of spending time with our girl. Valentine’s is a year-long commitment, so let’s treat it that way. This Monday, plan something out of love – not just to get laid. Then work at keeping it up until next February. Every day is the 14th.