Mallick to SUV Drivers: Your Truck is Stupid!

By Sarah Lazarovic

It’s as if there’s a Heather Mallick doppelganger writing in the online pages of the aging lefty writespot, Rabble.ca. This Heather Mallick is not at all like the one you may come across in that dorkily-named consumer column, Bought. (Put it together with the Globe’s other dorkily-named column, Noticed, and the Times’ irritatingly-named Consumed, and Possessed, and you have the beginnings of a middle age Harlequin brand-whore series on your hands.)
But over at Rabble, we, and the authoress, get to leave all this consumer crap behind, and hear that pearly Mallick rant, terrifically, on why she hates SUVs, especially in the throes of holiday shopping season. Nevermind that you associated Ms. Mallick with expensive perfumes. This one hates (absolutely hates!) SUVs and the people who would deign drive them. This one sayeth pithy things like, “SUVs are like Etch-a-Sketches. They only do straight lines.” So many gems, we’ll forcibly forget what we skimmed of Pearls and Vinegar, and leave you with this Heather’s pick:

Think of SUVs as gigantic cigarettes that give all the emphysema and none of the pleasure.

Now, back to this Lampe Berger I was telling you about.