Natalie Portman may be twenty-three, but this still from Friday’s flickpick makes her look like kid sister to tall, rakish Jude. And to add another layer of implausibility to the mix, Portman plays an exotic dancer. Be afraid. Be very afraid. We wish Natalie would just get into her Prius and drive away from all this nude scene nonsense. Maybe someone could work up a nice period piece for her. It would suit her stilted acting perfectly. Oh, but what are we doing? TOist is here to provide you a cheerful, lighthearted synopsis of a movie we’ve not even seen, and already we’re prematurely harshing on Ms. Portman. How gauche of us.
We’re actually rooting for the film. The reviews are running mediocre to good. The cast is a motley bag of tricks, and, bloody hell, Jude Law could use a hit. Or three. What on earth was this month’s GQ cover? (for the record, there were three different covers, but only one decent one, graced with James Gandolfini’s perky mug) Jude looked like he’d been slapped awake by Dustin Hoffman one too many times.
Closer the film is, for the most part, a faithful adaptation of Closer the play. Four characters (as played by Portman, Law, Julia Roberts and Clive Owen) doing cruel things to one another, and saying crueler things. What’s not to like? OK, possibly everything. But the Times’ strange, part hagiography, part takedown Mike Nichols feature left us sufficiently intrigued. And there are worse things than a bad, witty, caustic, disengaged relationship drama. Namely, The Wiggles, and week old Pad Thai. In the words of one Daddy Warbucks, ‘let’s all go to the movies!’