It's not entirely clear how or when R. Kelly's hip-hop opera "Trapped in the Closet" became a Zeitgeist. Part music video, part soap opera, it—while verging on self-parody throughout—has spawned parodies by everyone from South Park (which used it to make fun of Tom Cruise and John Travolta, among others) to Weird Al (who used it to make fun of fast food. Oh Weird Al!). What is clear is why it's been embraced by seemingly everyone in the entire universe: it's simultaneously the greatest and most confusing thing that any mainstream rap artist, nay, any musician, has ever done.
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think. It just made us wonder: if it were up to the -ist-a-verse, what would we be voting for?
Barrett, a pianist who took up the Kalimba in the last year and a recent Linguistics and English U of T grad, has an artfully-packaged EP out called Earth Sciences. It includes a song called Stop giving your children standardized tests, part one. You can catch the sweet science nerd later this month at The Bagel, details of which the self-correcting power of the blogosphere will soon post in the comments.
TOist tipster Rachel Kagan alerted us to Eric ''the suburban homeboy' Schwartz's Heeb Hop parodies and we laughed so hard we nearly gave our breakfast bagel back to the world. Schwartz's Hanukkah Hey Ya is so bad it's gone past good and back to bad again. There's a whole history of frightening Weird Al-style Jewsic out there, and Torontoist rues the day Shlock Rock assaulted our hometown. Memories most painful. But anyone who beatboxes around 'Manishevitz' can't be nearly as frightening. An early Happy Hanukkah Homeboys!

Newsstand: November 9, 2009