Overheard at the Queen & Dovercourt Starbucks. Woman: He was just really possessive and calling me all the time, and hanging around near my apartment. It was bordering on stalking. Friend: Oh my God. Is he a Pisces? Hear something? Send it to streeter@torontoist.com.......

Overheard by reader Kate Bowen on the 501 Queen streetcar. Little Girl, looking out the window: Is a giraffe taller than that tree? Mom: Yes. Little Girl: Is a giraffe taller than you? Mom: Yes. Little Girl: Is a giraffe taller than the CN Tower? Mom: No. Little Girl: Is a baby giraffe taller than you? (No response.) Little Girl: Are all frogs girls? Mom: What? Who told you that? Hear something? Send it to......

Overheard in line at the post office outlet in the Yonge-Eglinton Centre. Cashier: The total will be $21.94. (Customer hands over a credit card.) Cashier: Do you have a debit card? Customer: No. Cashier: Cash? Customer: No. Cashier: Debit card? Customer: Um, no. Cashier: No cash? No debit card? Customer: No. No. Cashier waits for a minute, then, gently: Debit card? (Silence.) Cashier: Fine. Hear something? Send it to streeter@torontoist.com.......

Overheard by reader Hamish Grant in High Park. A man is talking to his wife near Grenadier Pond. A jogger runs by them. Man: The woman who just passed us is one of my patients. (He smiles.) Man: I Botox'd her. Hear something? Send it to streeter@torontoist.com.......

Overheard by reader Tammy Yiu on the southbound Spadina streetcar last Thursday morning. Girl: So I was listening to this song last night, and all of a sudden he turns to me and is like... "I love you." Guy: Haha, really. Girl: Yeah, and I'm like, "Well, yeah, you're like my favourite older brother." I dunno. But you know, he's like been through a lot. His girlfriend cheated on him and got pregnant and whatever.......

A man carrying a coffee cup through the doors of a downtown theatre is stopped by an usher. Usher: Oh, excuse me—sorry, you're only allowed to bring water into the theatre. (The man begrudgingly accepts, then walks past a garbage can and starts squishing the cup through the narrow slit opening of a recycling bin marked "paper/newspaper," spilling coffee onto his hand and around the opening of the bin.) Man, to no-one in particular: This......

A man is questioned by a security officer at Pearson International Airport as he places his items on a conveyor belt to be scanned. Security officer: Do you have any liquids, gels, or solids? Passenger: No. Oh, wait. Solids. I have solids. (The security officer is taken aback with concern, which after a moment breaks into embarrassed relief.) Security officer: That's OK. Solids are OK.......

A very well-dressed and perplexed-looking man stands in front of the egg display in a local supermarket, warily eyeing the dizzying array of medium, large, extra-large, white, brown, free-run, cage-free, organic, omega-3, enhanced, hard-boiled, pickled, and even yolkless eggs. He takes a step back, calls a trusted confidant on his cell phone, and asks: Man: Hi. How exactly does one go about selecting eggs? Ah, the paradox of choice strikes again.......

Subway northbound from Eglinton station. Three girls on their way home from high school. One of them puzzles over a semi-cryptic movie ad she spots on the wall. Girl: "You do look fat in that, Sarah Marshall"? Is she related to Marshall McLuhan?......

The men's washrooms at the Fox Theatre, after a kickass screening of The Terminator. A nerdy guy in his late thirties is trying to strike up a conversation with the middle-aged man using the urinal next to his. Nerdy Guy: You know that part when the human comes in? Middle-Aged Man: Which human? Nerdy Guy: The guy, Kyle Reese. A stuntman had to fall six metres onto the concrete. Middle-Aged Man: (wondering where this......

Overheard outside the ROM during last night's bomb scare. A small group of friends is standing on the corner of Bloor and University, facing the museum. Guy: You know, if they could figure out a way to destroy just the crystal and leave the rest of the museum intact, I think I'd be okay with this.........

Overheard by tyrannosaurus_rek in the ticketholders line for the opening night of the Toronto After Dark Film Festival. A young man and woman are discussing what they'll do after the screening of Mulberry Street. Her: We're not After Party people, so stop pretending we are.......

Two girls are waiting for the light at King and Niagara. One girl is teaching the other girl about pap smears. Girl 1: And that's when they put the spatula inside of you! Girl 2: I thought it was called a speculum? Girl 1: Right...well it feels like a spatula.......

Last Wednesday night at midnight, outside of Lee's Palace. A wild-haired and creepy old man yells across the street at a group of well-dressed young girls. They're doing their best to ignore him. Old Man: Hey ladies! He whistles, loudly. Hey ladies! He whistles again. Party's over here! He whistles again. Over here, girls! He whistles one more time, then pauses. Hey! A long, long pause. STOP HUGGING!......

Friday afternoon, a Thai eatery in the Annex. Three girls in their late teens or early twenties are having lunch with two middle-aged women, possibly former high school teachers of theirs. One of the girls is expressing her dissatisfaction with university. Girl: "Anthropomorphic." That's the only thing I've learned. That's a $12,000 word to me.......

In the nosebleeds at a Jays game on Friday night. Curtis Thigpen is at bat. Bored Guy: If you re-arrange the letters in "Thigpen," you get "Hip Gent." Bored Girl: ...Or Thin Peg! Bored Guy: Or...Penthig. (The mother sitting in front of Bored Guy and Girl leans back in her seat.) Mother, whispering to her sons: You know, if the people behind us had a life, they would not be making fun of that guy's......

Overhead just north of Queen Street East, after The National's show on Tuesday night. A very drunk woman and her two male companions are walking into the parking lot. Woman: I'll drive, I'll drive! I'm a good drunk driver! Guy #2, briefly considering her demand: You mean, like, relative to regular driving? Or relative to drunk driving? Woman, hesitating: No...Yeah! I'm good at both kinds. Guy #1: Yeah, I think I'll just drive.......

Couple: But we've brought him here before! Bouncer: Yeah, but that was before 9 p.m., right? An exchange overheard this weekend between a bouncer and a couple who were upset that they couldn't bring their toddler into Sneaky Dee's at midnight on a Friday night.......

Overheard this afternoon on the bus. The TTC driver, while in traffic, is in conversation with a fellow driver. An accident has occurred outside of Downsview station. Driver: Did you see that? The car was almost ripped in half! He must have had a heart attack… Fellow Driver: Maybe he was on his cell phone. Driver: By the way, can you hear my latest entertainment device? They’re getting really strict about this stuff. It’s top......

Overheard in the Parkdale LCBO on Brock Street. A young man is talking to an employee. Young man, sheepishly: "Excuse me, sir, but I can't seem to locate the malt liquor..." Employee: "Aw, da 40's? We ain't got none."......

Overheard on the subway between Chester and Pape. A homeless man is asking people for money and a mother and her teenage son are conversing. Man: "Spare change for a homeless man, would you help a homeless man? The hostels are closed and I haven't eaten in three days. Would you help a homeless man, ma'am?" Mother: "Sorry." Man leaves. Son: "Mom, that guy lives in our building!"......

Overheard on the eastbound Queen streetcar at Shaw St. A young couple is talking loudly about how worldly they are when the car stops in front of the Museum of Contemporary Canadian Art. Him: (Pointing at the big blue sculpture outside) What's that? Her: That's an "art." One stop later. Driver: (to another passenger) Excuse me, can I see your pass? Him: Her past? Why would you need to show your past to get on......

Overheard by reader Adam in a store at Bathurst and St. Clair. A kid has apparently just soiled his trousers. He has relied on empirical evidence for his mother to figure this out. Mom: Have you...Awww...Why didn’t you tell me? Kid: (Shrugs shoulders) It was too late. Mom: (Looks wistfully into the street): It’s never too late.......

Overhead in the "Entertainment District" on Friday night by reader Josh R. Two girls, dressed to kill for clubbing, are walking along Richmond Street, arm in arm. They struggle to wade through the crowd. Girl #1: I hate this place. Why do we keep coming here? Girl #2: I don't know. I don't know! Because it's fun!? You always complain, but you always have fun. Girl #1: But this place is stupid! Every time we......

Friday afternoon. Subway traveling northbound from Rosedale station. A gaggle of teenagers on their way home from school. Guy: There have to be ugly chameleons, to make the other chameleons feel better. Girl: (righteously) Chameleons don't look at difference.......

Overhead by reader Becky W. on a VIA rail train from Toronto to London this weekend. A group of high school-aged girls, who seem to be on their way to some kind of conference, are all sitting together and talking excitedly. Girl #1: Well, I need to bring an object that symbolizes my independence. Girl #2: Bring a pay stub! Girl #3: Driver's license! Girl #4: Car keys! Girl #1: I can't just bring my......

Friday night, 10:00. Subway traveling northbound between Bloor and Rosedale. A long-legged teenage girl is sitting, doing the Metro crossword. A lanky man standing at least six and a half feet bends down toward her. He has a German accent. Vertically-Gifted Man: Excuse me, how tall are you? He hands her a business card; it reads "Tall Club of Toronto." Vertically-Gifted Man: In case you're interested. I'm a member. Vertically-Gifted Girl: (trying to be polite)......

Overheard by reader Elena H. on the westbound Queen streetcar just before River St., at around 6pm, on January 22nd. Having told his mother that her bangs were too poofy and tried to fix them, a little boy, around six or seven, changes the topic… Little boy: The TTC is faster than a race car, right? Mother: No Little boy: Yes, the TTC is faster than a race car. Mother: No, it’s not. Little boy:......

Shopping mom dragging tired toddler, late afternoon: "What's wrong with you? Show some power of spirit! You're supposed to represent the younger generation!"......

Reader Emily R heard this going west on the Bloor Subway line, around Christie Station, last Saturday. Aunt: So, we're gonna go see your dad then? 5 or 6-year-old girl: Yeah. He used to have a girlfriend, but not any more, `cause she did pots. Every Passenger within Earshot: (LAUGHS HYSTERICALLY) Quoth Emily R to us: "I wonder if the girlfriend also does pans?"......