Admiral Radler claims the Dark Lord knew about every move the Empire made. "You have failed me for the last time, Admiral," replied the ruthless Baron Black. Cost of the Defence to date: upwards of $860,000. Speaking of extortion, if you haven't been shocked by exorbitant rickshaw ride prices so far, be warned that a judge has eliminated the current cap, enabling the pedicab operators to charge unsuspecting tourists whatever they wish. Moustache rides......

New Brunswick native Mary Martell knew something was weird when the baggage scanners at Saint John Airport asked why she had packed a turkey in her suitcase. On her way through to YYZ for a business trip, Martell had no fowl to declare, so airport officials curiously sent her luggage through without much further scrutiny, despite seeing a tiny skeleton on the x-ray screen. After an uneventful two-hour Air Canada flight to Toronto, Martell's luggage......

The most unusual aspect of Monday night's quiet jam at the Drake Underground was the absence of annoying chatter during three folk-rock solo sets. Everyone knows Toronto keeps it real by keeping still, but normally a quieter show means restless drinkers hoping to catch up with friends while they absently watch a show as if it's background music. Astoundingly, the audience remained almost completely and respectfully silent throughout Baby Eagle, again through Woolly Leaves, and......

Torontoist Poetry Contest Reminder! At the beginning of the new year, Torontoist launched a poetry contest to encourage the penning of new poems about our fair city. To inspire you, we are presenting a series of previously published Toronto poems that will run until the final week of the contest. Our second poem is “Girls who eat flowers and fail their IQ tests” by Hugh Thomas. Its title comes from a mis-overheard conversation at Healey's......

A body that was discovered in 1968 north of Toronto has been identified as a 17-year-old New Brunswick teen. Richard Hovey moved here to take part in Toronto's thriving counterculture scene but sadly met a tragic end. Shaun Bruce, the 22-year-old that ran against David Miller, is back at this old job as a zamboni driver. No word on where Jane Pitfield and Stephen LeDrew are now, and do we really care? There's an old......

This is going to be one big downer of a news roundup today, folks. Some seriously sad news from our sister site, Phillyist, where co-Editor Star C. Foster passed away suddenly yesterday. We'll miss her. Be sure to lend your support for her friends and family in the comments on Phillyist. An 11-year-old boy in Scarborough died after falling through the ice trying to try save his 15-year-old friend's life. The 15-year-old boy is......

In due time, you'll be able to fold a map of city in half, with Yonge Street as the crease, and witness the more or less symmetry in Starbucks locations on Queen Street. One Starbucks is on Queen West in Beaconsfield, site of the infamous "Drake you ho this is all your fault" tag of last year. The other is planned for Queen East in Leslieville, home of the infamous commenter Joe Clark. More......

Torontoist is crying in our large double doubles after reading this little piece about Tim Horton's rabidly popular Roll up The Rim contest on the CBC News site. It turns out that southern Ontario Tim Horton customers have the worst odds of winning the major prizes in Timmy Ho's contest; one in 11 million versus one in four million in Quebec and one in eight million in BC! "There are only 30 cars," Greg Skinner......

So my birthday is in less than two weeks. Think I'll get any mail? Chances are I will get flooded with ecards and will receive none through conventional mail. On the weekend, I was at Hallmark, buying a card for my second cousin's first birthday and noticed that they were selling these boxes to keep your greeting cards organized. Do people actually need such a box? It got me thinking, Do people really mail......

After reports that Liz Jagger's father Mick and the R. Stones are practicing at in Rosedale's Masonic Temple, it was confirmed today that they'll play the Rogers Centre on September 24. They also announced Moncton, New Brunswick and O-Dot City as part of their Canadian tour stops. Look for Mick, Ron, Keif, Charlie and whoever replaced Bill Wyman in and around Soto Soto.......

Frank "I Don't Do Federal Elections" McKenna vs. David "Corner Store Crunk" Peterson The Issue: While it is widely suspected that the decision is already made, Torontoist still wonders who is better suited to be the next am-bad-ass-ador to the United States of America? The Players: Frank McKenna, former New Brunswick Premier: Successfully governed a small and sometimes silly province somewhere east of Montreal (jokes!). McKenna isn't a diplomat, or even a politician anymore, but......

It's official. Should you want to take that Ontario ice wine you've been saving for a special occasion out to dinner with you, you now can. The province decided to follow Quebec, New Brunswick, Alberta and B.C. in changing the legislation to entice more restaurant customers to come in from the cold, bottle in tow. It's about time, thinks Torontoist. Taking Chateau Diana to Burger King just got that much easier. We kid. Fast food......