The Ontario Humans Rights Commission has determined that Asian fishermen assaulted by people shouting racial slurs were the victims of racism. That's some fine sleuthing, people. If your home is heated with natural gas, you might want to invest in some bulky sweaters before winter rolls around. Prices are set to jump by around 20% come July—a wise marketing strategy that takes advantage of the North American "I don't care about anything that isn't......

Barack Obama inched closer to the Democratic Presidential nomination last night, winning North Carolina pretty decisively and holding Hillary Clinton's victory in Indiana to a near-tie. Pundits and prognosticators alike agreed that at long last, Hillary Clinton's chances of winning the nomination were almost totally nonexistent, now that America has finally come to terms with the fact that Barack Obama is black, y'all, he's black, y'all, he's blackety-blackety-black, y'all. According to the Auditor General, the......

Hillary Clinton has won the Pennsylvania primary. The Clinton campaign remains alive after a ten-point win in the state, thus proving that a campaign currently in debt can win if it runs enough negative attacks and limps along to the next contest. This is also known as the "limping zombie" theory of electoral campaigning. The Tories are defending their election financing shenanigans. This marks the "what we did was perfectly okay" stage of the......

Each week, Torontoist examines the upcoming TV listings and makes note of programs that are entertaining, informative, and of quality. Or, alternately, none of those. The result: Televisualist.......

Toronto principal in controversial controversy over explicit poems he wrote and posted to his website. This is of course the first recorded case ever of somebody getting in trouble for something they wrote on the Internet, and the scandal has sent shock waves through the online community. "Wait, somebody actually reads this shit?" said Patrick Metzger. "Dammit, I better re-emphasize that my erotic snuff story about Geri Halliwell is purely a work of fiction!"......

New glass recycling program will save local municipalities millions of dollars. It turns out that you can turn used glass into other things than smaller bits of broken glass! Stephen Harper threatens to sue Stéphane Dion for libel over allegations of bribery. Harper, long an advocate of tort reform, explained that while limiting the ability of people to sue is generally a good thing, he didn't mean that it should apply to him. Tory......

TTC "U-pass" close to passing for students, possibly also hotel workers. If the scheme passes, the TTC will suddenly be crowded once again, rendering all those recent fleet upgrades essentially moot. Hooray for public transit! Jack Layton calls for Family Day to be named a national holiday. He then asked for a pony and all the candy he could ever eat ever, on the basis that it was about as likely that Stephen Harper would......

Barack Obama thumps Hillary Clinton in last night's primaries. Obama for the first time won the majority of Latino voters, the majority of women voters, and the majority of senior citizen voters, while broadening his support in the demographics he was already winning. On the bright side for Hillary, she did manage to win the vote of nearly 87 percent of the voters who thought she was more qualified to be President than Obama.......

Extreme cold alert! Be forewarned that this extreme cold is not extreme in the sense of "it is totally radical like Doritos and Mountain Dew," but rather extreme in the sense of "it can kill you if you stay out in it too long." Environment Canada will discuss the prospects of the extreme cold's effect on totally shredding slopes with your snowboard later today. Barack Obama thumps Hillary Clinton over the weekend, with impressively......

Kennedy Station will remain closed today, at least for the morning. So, if you live in Scarborough, enjoy those shuttle buses. It's Super Tuesday! Barack Obama is closing the gap with Hillary Clinton in a number of key states, most notably California. Meanwhile, the Republican race is boiling down to a dogfight between Mitt Romney, running on the "I hate liberals the most" platform, and John McCain, running on the "I might actually be......

Hey, did you know it's snowing? School buses have already been cancelled for today, meaning that children will romp and play in the streets and sabotage snowplow drivers and Chevy Chase will duel with a rival meteorologist for some reason and the mayor will declare it to be the "funnest day ever." Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton have a nice, pleasant debate about minute policy issues. The debate was thus about as interesting as watching......

Chalk River reactor's risk level was 1,000 times greater than normal. However, Stephen Harper is a certified nuclear engineer, so if he says it's safe, then shouldn't we trust him? Wait, what? He's not a certified nuclear engineer? Well, dang. John McCain wins crucial Florida primary. The old coot narrowly defeated the Mormon android and the world's angriest ex-mayor to maintain his momentum in the Republican candidates' race. Meanwhile, Hillary Clinton beat Barack Obama in......

TSX plunges nearly five percent in one day. The stocks dropped as a result of a worldwide sell-off prompted by the probable American recession that, depending on who you talk to, is either here already, coming very soon, or never going to come ever. Of course, you'll only hear that last one when you talk to George W. Bush. Landlord of "the Dungeon" says it's not his fault. He only rents it out, he......

J. K. Rowling to come to Toronto on her reading tour. It's her only Canadian stop, so expect an audience that is 30 percent younger readers and 70 percent aging, obsessive fanboys and fangirls, most desperately wanting an explanation as to why Sirius Black and Remus Lupin were not revealed to be secret gay lovers. By-elections happen, Liberals get trounced big-time. The NDP won Outremont—their second seat ever in Quebec, and the first time the......

Over the past month, Hillary Clinton has been on the hunt for a campaign song, with her "exploratory committee" website inviting her followers to vote on a winner. Finalists included born-and-bred American bands like U2 and Shania Twain, as well as tried-and-true musical legends like Smash Mouth. This morning, however, the winner was announced. And Hilary Clinton's 2008 campaign song is...that Céline Dion song from that Air Canada commercial! It's such a good song......

It seems that Bob Rae is the Liberal candidate most likely to get Ontarians to vote for him. However, he is also the Liberal candidate most likely to get Ontarians to vote against him. Thus, Bob Rae is the Canadian version of Hillary Clinton. You heard it here first, people! New measures being taken to prevent lottery fraud. So now you can be sure when you throw your money away on a lottery ticket,......