As a famous snake once said, TGIF! Thank goodness I've fangs! If you're TGing today, let it be for Friday. We've had enough of the whole vampire craze. In the news: No casino plans for the Port Lands (or so they'd have us believe); road hockey will continue to be prohibited; inspection of the perfectly safe Gardiner has seemingly become more urgent; a bar in an unlikely place; more G20-related embarrassment for the Toronto Police; and no subway service from Bloor Station to Union Station this weekend.

By Jess Davidson • Illustration by Brian McLachlanMay. 25th, 8:00 am

Yes, it is already Thursday, and you are not losing your mind. Stay anchored to reality with some news: delayed Port Lands report raises casino questions, parents of teen killed by a TTC bus sue police and transit commission, Conrad Black's night on the town, St. Lawrence Market's old supervisor not going away silently, and Schoolhouse shelter shutdown.

By Sarah-Joyce Battersby • Illustration by Brian McLachlanMay. 24th, 8:00 am

Happy days are here again, it's Wednesday! Do the Hump Day dance! Well, no. Actually, don't, you might get charged with a crime and end up on a registry for the rest of your life. Instead, read some nice, harassment-free news: Pride funding may be in jeopardy; one city councillor says the mayor isn't doing his job (no word on how many other councillors are thinking it); more chunks of concrete crumble off the Gardiner Expressway; the royals have come and gone; ball hockey is prohibited on Toronto streets (what?!) but maybe not for long (phew) but it's not as simple as you think (what?!); a new cause for NIMBYs: the proposed casino; and Toronto's newest multimillionaire.

By Jess Davidson • Illustration by Brian McLachlanMay. 23rd, 8:00 am

Slap some aloe on that shoulder burn (that you deserve for getting too ambitious with the tank tops so early in the season) and get back to business, it's Tuesday now. In the news: royal tour trots on, the City says no to turning Woodbine into soccer central over Canada Day, U of T's neighbours don't want a new private student residence in the 'hood, YWCA opens housing for women, and more robocalls in Etobicoke Centre.

By Sarah-Joyce Battersby • Illustration by Brian McLachlanMay. 22nd, 8:00 am

Dust off those white shoes, starch those cream-coloured capris, and pour yourself a nice, cool bevy right out of that 2-4. It's Victoria Day! Hurray! Also happening: a new campaign promise made (or an old one broken?) by the (already in office) mayor; 2025's World Expo could be landing at our waterfront if one city councillor has her way; a new report suggests that police were provoked and attacked at the 2010 G20; and valuable information for Toronto's royal watchers.

By Jess Davidson • Illustration by Brian McLachlanMay. 21st, 10:00 am

Good luck facing the cubicle today, because knowing it's a long weekend can only make your workday that much slower. On the bright side, it's a long weekend! And there's news: 45 police offers may face charges for G20 misconduct; Councillor James Pasternak wants you (or someone you know) to get schooled, post-secondary-style, at Mel Lastman Square; four options on the table for a casino site; and a Markham mall will buck the trend and stay open this holiday Monday.

By Jodie Shupac May. 18th, 7:56 am

Thursday is a sure day to give myrrh, hey? Or just some news will do: Police watchdog releases G20 report, plans to fix the Gardiner Expressway, plans to tear down the Gardiner Expressway, and a vigil for Ralph Bissonnette.

By Sarah-Joyce Battersby • Illustration by Brian McLachlanMay. 17th, 8:10 am

Stay home from Wonderland today kids, because it might rain. And thunderstorm. Also, because roller coasters are sheer hell. The news? Yeah: Another billionaire vies for the casino bid; Byron Sonne of the pre-G20 arrest for homemade chemicals is acquitted; an Ontario independent police complaints watchdog releases a report on the G20; and Toronto's solid waste department has a surplus, but won't be sharing the love with charities and nonprofits.

By Jodie Shupac May. 16th, 7:49 am

Sure, Tuesday, keep trying to convince us kale chips are just as good as potato chips. Sure. Let's focus on the news instead: RCMP found not responsible for G20 mess-ups, GO Transit will soon refund some fares on late trips, Queers Against Israeli Apartheid will march in Pride, executive committee votes to abolish the five-cent bag fee, more casino talk, and more cuts at the TDSB.

By Sarah-Joyce Battersby • Illustration by Brian McLachlanMay. 15th, 8:00 am

You've spent the weekend dreading this day, but now that it's here, Monday doesn't really feel that bad, does it? No, it doesn't. We're good. Everyone's cool. Let's all just quietly catch up on the news: Mayor Ford wants the executive committee to scrap the five-cent bag fee; a study that examines the impact of the Eglinton LRT is set to begin this week; the Toronto housing market continues on an upward trend; Toronto's proposed waterfront casino adds a name to its Friends list; and issues with the EMS.

By Jess Davidson • Illustration by Brian McLachlanMay. 14th, 8:00 am

It's here! The weekend! You've counted down, you've done your TGIF dance, and now, finally, it's Saturday. Soak up all the weekend vibes while you can. They're fleeting. Also, enjoy some news: the mayor's executive committee set to meet Monday to discuss casinos; a new Pan Am Games map has been released; your concerns about falling concrete have been addressed (and dismissed); Councillor Karen Stintz gets a scolding; and birds, so many birds.

By Jess Davidson • Illustration by Brian McLachlanMay. 12th, 10:00 am

Oh Thursday, someone should write a song about you. In the meantime, some news to fill the void: no charges for Toronto Star reporter who was caught reporting by the mayor, city council allows guns on City property, new protections for condo owners, the cost of fixing St. Clair, and educated cabbies.

By Sarah-Joyce Battersby • Illustration by Brian McLachlanMay. 10th, 8:00 am

There's no Tuesday like show-Tuesday, like no Tuesday we know! In the news-day this Tuesday: what to do with all the budget surplus, RoFo celebrates World Press Freedom Week, TCHC has a new CEO, the CBC is looking for new neighbours, and the Gardiner Expressway is falling apart.

By Sarah-Joyce Battersby • Illustration by Brian McLachlanMay. 8th, 8:00 am

Just another Monday morning. What's that you say? You thought it was Sunday and overslept? We're here to tell you that it is in fact Monday, and to keep you informed about other things, too—like the news! Today: the Fencegate saga continues: questions arise about Mayor Ford's plans for the adjacent property, and the feud catches the attention of the Times; a proposed plan for the plastic-bag fee; a local schoolteacher wins the Toronto marathon for the second consecutive year; some local schoolkids made a video they're hoping will go viral; the Cumberland closes; and a rare flower opens.

By Jess Davidson • Illustration by Brian McLachlanMay. 7th, 8:00 am

Saturday is back, everyone! Saturday has come again! Thanks for stopping by, Saturday. In Saturday news: why the rise of bicycle-car collisions on Jarvis could be a good thing, the public's role in the mayor's park purchase, disabled couple will keep their baby, Conrad Black is home, roads will be closed, and the moon will be big.

By Sarah-Joyce Battersby • Illustration by Brian McLachlanMay. 5th, 10:00 am

Thursday doesn't care if Nutella doesn't count as a part of a healthful breakfast anymore, it's still gonna eat it all the time, so there. In the hazlenutty news: the mayor charges at a reporter in a park and then calls the cops on him, food trucks in parking lots, a new Whole Foods planned, closing the Allen Expressway, pushing through the anti-bullying legislation, and one about Occupy.

By Sarah-Joyce Battersby • Illustration by Brian McLachlanMay. 3rd, 8:00 am

If you woke up this Tuesday morning with a P!nk song in your head, we are so very sorry. Here, try to flush that out by cramming some news in your noggin: Elephant transfer is held up by confusion and paperwork, TTC audit reveals they're not perfect, health board rejects call to lower speed limits, and the mayor might raise property taxes after all.

By Sarah-Joyce Battersby • Illustration by Brian McLachlanMay. 1st, 8:00 am