I mean honestly, who hasn't had a photo taken with the Hells Angels, am I right? In the news: both Porter and Norm Kelly are hustling for support for the Billy Bishop runway extension, you may as well consider Premier Wynne and Deputy Mayor Kelly new BFFs for life, it's hard to buy an elephant nowadays, and Sarah Polley is one step closer to an Oscar nod.
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So we meet again, December. Please be gentler on my waistline than you were last year. In the news: A Toronto Police officer passes away from injuries related to a weekend car crash; yesterday's budget meeting saw concerns raised about childcare and transit; Doug Ford puts up his verbal dukes to spar with the head of the Toronto Region Board of Trade; Doug Ford also has choice words for Premier Wynne as she prepares to meet with Norm Kelly; and GTA house prices are really, really expensive.
December already! And Monday. Bad things are supposed to come in threes, so watch out, everyone. Seriously. In the news today: Rob Ford did some things but they weren't as bad as usual, groceries are nearly impossible to find in some parts of town, making rent is also near-impossible for minimum-wage workers, and an assumed victory for the arts may be delayed.
Lovely day out there, isn't it? (Or is it? Before noon on a weekend there's no good reason to leave the house.) Start it off right with some news: unlicensed daycares are still a thing, in many different forms; Toronto traffic deaths are at an eight-year high; Rob Ford uses inaccurate math to claim he's a fiscal wizard, and that math actually favours David Miller; and a woman was refused entry into the U.S. due to depression.
Black Friday has come to Canada. While people are generally the worst, people hunting for 7 a.m. door crasher sales at big box stores are beyond the worst. Shop local, if only to preserve your sanity. In the news: Apparently Rob Ford is a newsmaker, Toronto will host a Pride House for the Sochi Olympics even if the Sochi Olympics won't host one, a Toronto school is the model for success of Ontario's full-day kindergarten program, a woman is denied entry into the US because of clinical depression, and —sing it with me!— weekend road closures.
There's snow on the ground (sort of) and Americans are preparing to eat turkey and then fight over marked-down TVs. Modern society, what a wonder. In the news: Canada allowed the NSA to spy during 2010's G20 summit, "foot yoga" is a thing for ladies the inquest into three people's police shootings continues, and the world's first fancy KFC will open in Toronto. Yay?
It's Wednesday, so we're all halfway through this slow-motion train wreck of a week. In the news: brace yourselves for a frenetic winter, Americans are now referencing Toronto when it comes to cracked-out mayors, the Toronto Public Library flourishes, the worst mansion in history goes up for auction, and Pharrell Williams is bringing some hip art to the Design Exchange.
Not feeling super witty today. The cold weather has knocked the good humour straight out of me. In the news: Rob Ford storms out of yesterday's budget meeting, Toronto Centre still bleeds Liberal red, wondering whether or not community planning boards are right for the city, a founding member of the National Ballet of Canada has passed away, and the city has its highest number of traffic-related fatalities since 2006.
It's election day for the lucky people of Toronto Centre and three other ridings. What could be more exciting than seeing democracy in action, especially for news geeks and fans of erstwhile punk bands? (Check out Brandon-Souris candidate Rolf Dinsdale's old punk band, because it is delightful.) Happy voting, Toronto Centre-rs. And for everyone, some news: the National Post's Terence Corcoran doesn't think income inequality exists in Toronto, it's raining glass downtown again, a Toronto sailor was forced out of a race across the Atlantic by a malfunctioning boat, and Bill Blair talks about street youth.
It's as good a day for a Saturday as ever been seen, don't you think? Let's add some news: a look at the Ford family's "regular guys" image, concern for staff partially motivated mayor's office changes, business might be backing out of Toronto amid controversy at City Hall, G20 police tribunal names names, and subway closures.
We made it through another week, friends. Everything's coming up Milhouse! In the news: Stephen Harper jokes that Rob Ford can't have his job, Mayor Ford jokes about being a joke, nobody will be joking about the city budget due to be presented next week, the Pan Am Games' organizers announce opening ceremony venues, the 54th traffic fatality of the year has Bill Blair concerned, and a TTC driver bids riders adieu to his job in epic fashion.
For those of us fixated on American news, de facto mayor Norm Kelly's name is making things complicated. "Was that a reference to Toronto deputy mayor Norm Kelly, or New York Police Department Commissioner and stop-and-frisk architect Ray Kelly?" Ugh, reading is so much work. Here's some more reading (this stuff is worth it): a Toronto lab may have had a breakthrough in a male infertility test; TTC fares will see a modest increase in the new year; despite rumours to the contrary, Toronto's borrowing costs are holding steady; and a census activist faces trial Friday.
Only three more sleeps 'til the 50th anniversary Doctor Who special. Allons-y, Alonso! In the news: the Ford brothers' new television show gets axed, more media outlets are calling the mayor on his bogus claims, a breakdown of who has joined Norm Kelly's office, contaminated soil at Central Tech, a trapped construction worker will be okay, and overcrowding in Toronto schools.
All these silly little children and mayors wanting to grow up to be Prime Minister one day. Everyone knows that being Governor General is REALLY where it's at. In the news: If the world isn't laughing at Toronto after yesterday's special city council meeting, then who knows what planet we live on; the brothers Ford talk all the nonsense with Saint Peter of Mansbridge; the TTC delays debating a fare hike; GO Transit wants to shush you during rush hour; and police investigate a suspicious package.
It's Monday, y'all! That means there's a new episode of that one show, but not of the other ones, which will be on later in the week. But one thing we have every day is news, and that's the one thing no one can ever take away from us. Today: a rogue dentist (!) turns himself in to Toronto police; Rob Ford spent the weekend on the American news circuit; Rob Ford parked illegally (!!); and prison authorities entirely failed to inform an inmate's family he had been beaten and was on life support.
It's the freakin' weekend, baby, and we can't continue that sentence without paying hefty royalty fees to R. Kelly so continue on your own. For the rest of the day. Whether you want to or not. On to the news! Rob Ford unites city council (against him); Premier Kathleen Wynne wants Rob Ford to get help; the first police officer to face a hearing connected to the 2010 G20 is cleared of wrongful arrest charges; and inequality is threatening to dramatically change life in Toronto.
So now we know what this whole Rob Ford scandal has really been about: yet another attempt to use controversy to catapult a mediocre career into television celebrity. Well, it worked for the Kardashians. In the news: Rob Ford makes everyone feel really gross and still somehow gets a new TV show in the process, the TTC proposes a fair hike, two new studies offer solutions to traffic congestion, and it's time to get your vote on in Toronto Centre.
Still no snow, and halfway through November? Prairie transplants all over the city must be growing more uncomfortable by the day. In the news: a longtime breakfast program for homeless men may close soon; forget Rob Ford, because Bill Blair went on a fishing trip last year; proposed new rules for taxis; Bixi may be safe in Toronto; and, yes, Rob Ford.