There are a lot of chefs in the kitchen for the Canadian premiere of Sarah Ruhl’s Passion Play, a triptych set in three time periods that tells the stories of amateur actors (played by real actors) involved in staging performances of the story of Christ. Three different Toronto independent theatre companies, all with reputations for innovative staging and creation in their past work, each tackle one of the three acts. Ordinarily, such a complicated arrangement would be to a show’s detriment, but not in this case. While you need to be prepared for a marathon of theatre (the show runs four hours, incluing two intermissions), you’re certainly going to get your money’s worth.

“A cross between Woodstock and the Algonquin Round Table,” is what Michael Redhill called it. Dorothy Parker grinding out an electric cover of “The Star Spangled Banner”? Well, not quite. Rather, Redhill, the literary curator for Luminato 2013, was describing A Literary Picnic, the annual festival’s celebration of storytelling, creativity, and the written word.

The 2013 Toronto Jazz Festival descends on the city this Friday with a huge “free for all” event. That means all of Friday’s programming at every Jazz Festival venue is, yes, completely free of charge. There will be concerts from local favourites Molly Johnson and Mary Margaret O’Hara, plus a show by Smokey Robinson and Martha Reeves, who will be launching the fest from its epicentre, Nathan Phillips Square.

Here’s a rundown of some of the shows worth checking out on Friday—and during the rest of the festival, when you’ll actually have to pay.

Folks who are planning on having a swim in the pool at Scadding Court Community Centre over the next few days may find themselves a little disappointed. Those who want to go fishing, however, will probably be ecstatic.

For the rest of the week, the Community Centre will be holding its annual Gone Fishin’ event, meaning its indoor pool will be an indoor fish pond. The pool has been drained, dechlorinated, and refilled with 2,000 rainbow trout, to be caught by local children and families.

Thursday

The con opened strong. Every observer said the same thing: “this is like Saturday rather than Thursday.” Retailers were especially pleased. After last year, when sales were generally weak, starting out with a good showing meant the difference between a profitable weekend and financial failure for many of them. Several exhibitors said that they made more money on Thursday then they did during the entirety of Fan Expo 2011.

Many cosplayers now attend most or all of Fan Expo rather than simply the masquerade on Saturday, so Thursday was the first opportunity for surveying the costume field. There was, of course, the usual complement of Doctors Who (a simple costume that basically consists of nice clothes and a sonic screwdriver), Team Fortress 2 characters (iconic and attractive designs that work well with a group of friends), and Jokers (obviously). But there were definitely two up-and-comer categories this year.

The first was Assassin’s Creed assassins—mostly Ezio Auditores (whose ornate and gorgeous Renaissance Italian duds make for an attractive costume option), but there were one or two Altairs and even a lone Desmond. One Assassin cosplayer chalked this up to the new Assassin’s Creed game coming out later this year, but a new Assassin’s Creed game comes out pretty much every year, so we don’t buy that. Mostly we think that the Assassin costume is effectively gender-neutral (since there are male and female assassins), attractive to look at, and extremely badass. These are three elements that make for a good costume.

The other trend was gender-bending girl cosplayers as Marvel’s Avengers. There has always been gender-bending cosplay at Fan Expo, of course, but this year there was more of it than ever, and naturally a lot of it was in tribute to the most profitable film of the year. There were a bunch of girl Thors, several girl Captain Americas (one of whom was easily the best Captain America at the con, male or female), a few girl Nick Furys (in black and white versions), and a girl Iron Man or two. One girl was cosplaying as Agent Coulson. More numerous than any of these were girls cosplaying as Tom Hiddleston’s Loki. Our theory for that particular costume’s popularity is that girls think Tom Hiddleston is dreamy.

Friday

So the big story of today was, of course, the Fan Expo wedding. We’ve already written a lot of words about it, and there is not that much else to say. His vows were clumsy but heartfelt; hers were thoughtful and eloquent. The shoehorning of the Green Lantern oath into the exchanging of rings was a bit of a groanworthy moment. But it was a wedding, and weddings are almost always nice, and the couple was happy, and that’s what’s important when you’re talking about a wedding. (And then they had to clear out to make room for Jamie Bamber’s Q&A.)

When you’re talking about a convention, though, there are other important things. The enormous line for Jay and Silent Bob Get Old, or as we like to call it, The Four-Hundred-And-Second Stop On Kevin Smith’s Extended Sulking Tour, Featuring Jason Mewes certainly qualifies. Hey, more power to Smith for realizing that his fans don’t actually care if he makes movies so long as he reminds them all that it is possible to make millions of dollars as, effectively, a professional nerd. Kevin Smith’s entire career, at this point, seems predicated on people paying him to be Kevin Smith. Nice work if you can get it, we guess.

Saturday

The big story of today was, of course, the lines. Firstly, it is worth noting that Fan Expo’s excuse about the escalator breaking is not untrue. The escalator did break. Of course, they still had one working escalator, and the broken elevator was repaired halfway through the day, so it only slowed down the rate of entry into the con. This casts doubt on Fan Expo’s claim that they did not oversell tickets. (Also casting doubt on that claim: Fan Expo having oversold tickets in previous years and refused to give refunds. They didn’t give refunds this year, either.)

In addition to lining up to get tickets, get in, get a picture taken with the DeLorean from Back to the Future, and meet True Blood‘s Nelsan Ellis, people also had to line up for up to half an hour to get a cup of coffee, and, in some cases, to get a ticket entitling them to stand in another line. If this sort of Soviet-style queing happened at any other event, there would have been a riot.

But the lines are just a symptom of the real problem, which is that Fan Expo has completely overgrown its current capacity. The convention, at this point, could likely fill the entire Metro Toronto Convention Centre: north and south halls plus the meeting rooms. Booking the entire centre would allow Fan Expo to continue to grow; there is clearly demand. (Which is unsurprising, because it’s effectively five or six substantial conventions in one).

That would also mean that the convention would not be so fucking crowded. Fan Expo claims 80,000 attendees this year; we suspect it was even higher than that. The main convention floor was, for the entirety of Saturday, completely packed to the point where many retailers were complaining that the human flood was hurting their business, because there was nowhere for people to shop. Several retailers said that Thursday had been more profitable for them than Saturday, which never happens. But here we are.

Even volunteers were unhappy. Partially this is because volunteers want the con to be run well, but this year it also had to do with the fact that some of them were worried that other sections (Fan Expo is split into comics, horror, sci-fi, anime, and gaming sections) were inflating their attendance numbers. Lower attendance numbers for a particular section mean less space next year. Fan Expo’s cramped strategy is effectively causing the con to compete against itself, which is just nuts.

However, we doubt that the con will expand to fill the entire Convention Centre. Partially this is because it is probably not easy to book the entire Centre only a year in advance. Also, we suspect Fan Expo has likely decided that it is better to book a con for maximum profitability (and rest assured that at present they have exploited every single inch of space available in the south building) than risk making less money by expanding. After all, business after business has learned that if you piss off nerds, they just keep coming back. And if a few of them don’t come back, well, there are always more nerds.

Sunday

Sunday’s attendance was not as dense as Saturday’s, but the con was still extremely packed. Retailers slashed prices in order to move inventory (always a sign of a weak Saturday for sales) and then reported that the price slashing had stimulated sales. Every retailer we spoke to said the event was very profitable despite a weak Saturday.

Despite the masquerade having taken place the night previous, there were still huge numbers of people in costume, because if you’ve gone to all that trouble to come up with an elaborate outfit, you will wear it as much as humanly possible. (It’s kind of like a wedding dress, except that it often tends to be spikier.) You wear a costume to be seen, and to share the con experience with as many people as possible. And that is nice. In fact, it’s one of the nicest things about Fan Expo.

Similarly nice is fans’ interaction with celebrities and professionals. Even though the appearances are usually paid, they’re still nice: the fan pays not for the autograph so much as the chance to tell someone, in person, that they love their work and that it made a difference in their life. The autograph is just a reminder of the experience. It would be nicer if the prices were lower, sure, but celebrities gotta celeb, we suppose.

And it’s not just big stars who get this treatment. Fan Expo is, generally speaking, a celebration of all things cult, so it makes sense that people who aren’t “stars” in the traditional sense of the word are huge deals here. Anime fans take this to another level. For example: voice actors are legitimate celebrities in anime land. Names like Wendee Lee and Colleen Clinkenbeard may not mean much to the vast majority of humanity, but for fans of Japanese animation, they’re roughly on par with Scarlett Johanssen. Fans lined up for over two hours for the chance to get an autograph and a photo with the people who gave voice to Cowboy Bebop‘s Faye Valentine (Lee) and Fullmetal Alchemist‘s Riza Hawkeye (Clinkenbeard). Several fans were bordering on tears when they met their heroes.

And that’s why Fan Expo remains fun in spite of itself, in spite of an organization that seems to pursue profit above all else. Enthusiastic fans make any convention better.

CORRECTION: August 28, 12:35 PM A caption on a photo in the gallery accompanying this post originally misidentified a villain from the TV show The Tick as Blowfish Avenger. In fact, the character depicted is Sewer Urchin.

“Fan Expo” and “romance” aren’t words that traditionally go together.

It’s hard to imagine a couple opting to spend their first day of wedded bliss amongst Star Wars jawas and steampunk enthusiasts. It’s equally difficult to envision finding one’s future partner next to a giant Dalek. But both of those things happened this weekend.

Nerd Speed Dating was first introduced at Fan Expo last year, and was a massive hit, with dozens of people left on waiting lists. This year, the expo’s organizers brought it back with more sessions, as well as “genre-specific” speed dating for horror fans, anime enthusiasts, and other interest groups.

Ragna Stammler is the owner of 25 Dates, a company that hosts speed-dating events. She and her crew were brought in to organize this year’s edition of Nerd Speed Dating. Stammler said the dates at Fan Expo differed from the norm in a few key ways.

“It’s a little more chaotic at the beginning,” she said. “We’ve had a lot of people sign up beforehand, then not show up, and other people showing up without registering.” Many participants showed up in costume.

Despite the chaos, daters still managed to find connections. Amber Fall of Toronto signed up for Nerd Speed Dating because she’s “a nerd, single and lonely.” She said she was generally impressed with the calibre of her dates.

“The people were all pretty normal. No stereotypical ’80s-type Revenge of the Nerds nerds or anything,” she said. “I actually liked a lot more people than I didn’t.”

While the speed daters were searching for their nerdy soulmates, another pair of sci-fi enthusiasts were tying the knot a few rooms over. Rob Bridges and Amy Banman are long-time Fan Expo attendees who opted to get married during the event, in front of friends, family, and a hundred or so cosplayers.

Fan Expo programming director James Armstrong admits that the expo’s organizers weren’t entirely sure that the couple was on the level at first.

“We had to make sure it was legitimate, that it wasn’t a prank, that we had a wedding license,” Armstrong said. “Once we had that, we started putting it all together fairly quickly.”

The groom was escorted to the altar by a phalanx of Star Wars storm troopers, while the father of the bride looked slightly confused when he walked his daughter up the aisle as people dressed as anime characters looked on. Their vows included references to Spider-Man and the Green Lantern. Banman referred to Bridges as her “knight in Jedi robes.”

As the wedding ended, the couple walked out to the strains of “I Knew I Loved You Before I Met You,” while Bane hugged a Jedi and Tank Girl cried a little. At that moment, Fan Expo was quite possibly the most romantic place in the city.

We swear to God we did not get him to pose this way. It just happened.

Every year tons of people show up to Fan Expo in costume. Some are amazing; many are not, but are at least still charming in their way. We were deeply impressed by a Strong Bad who stayed in character by lounging around and telling all the “ladies” to admire his “rock hard abdominals.” (Which he did not have, in keeping with Strong Bad’s character.) A number of superhero costumes this year were particularly realistic, especially a War Machine costume that looked like it was a for-real suit of power armor. But the best costume of the entire show, from this writer’s standpoint, was one girl dressed as Mary Poppins in the animated penguin dance/”Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious” sequence, both because the costume itself is utterly perfect and because in person she had Julie Andrews’ personal style down to a T.

Sadly, she did not seem to have a Burt in attendance. Heads up, dudes who can affect a terrible Cockney accent! There's an opening for you!

Trends are detectable. For the first two days of Fan Expo, the most prominent subgroups of costume were Doctors Who and Team Fortress 2 characters. These are two nerd costume groups that have two things in common: they are generally easy to construct (an Eleventh Doctor needs only a tweed jacket, bow tie, and optional fez; a BLU Spy is a blue suit and ski mask, and optional cigarette case) and they encourage group costuming so a bunch of friends can go in theme together (a team of RED or BLU, a Doctor and his companions). Naturally, both Team Fortress 2 and Doctors Who would be outnumbered by “person from anime series” or “superhero,” but those are far more generic categories. At one point we witnessed a BLU Spy and an Eleventh Doctor pretending to fight over a fez, which is an in-joke that only makes sense if you are familiar with both Team Fortress 2 and the most recent Doctor. This is dedication unmatched.

Until Saturday. Saturday was when the Jokers showed up in force. The Joker is to individuals as Doctors and Team Fortress are to groups: it’s a very easy costume (all you need is a suit and makeup—and the suit is somewhat optional) and it works well for either a solo cosplayer or a couple (with an inevitable Harley Quinn riding shotgun). There were Heath Ledger Jokers, straight-from-the-comics Jokers, Arkham Asylum video game Jokers, and even a Joker who was channelling Cesar Romero from the 1960s Batman live-action TV show. Their dedication to the costume nearly outshines the fact that everybody is sick to death of people in Joker costumes. But not quite.

The other trend that was interesting was the large number of girls dressed up as Link from The Legend of Zelda. This is not to say that the Links were competitive, numbers-wise, with the Jokers or the Doctors. But the Links were, almost to a man, not men. Who can say why Link, of all the costume possibilities in the world, is the one that attracts the most genderbending?

Maybe it’s because when you go to cons in costume, you’re attending, in a way, as someone else entirely. Cosplayers mostly don’t like it when you take candid shots, and it’s not because they object to the pictures being taken (99 out of 100 cosplayers will start posing if they see you’re so much as carrying a camera). It’s because in a candid shot, they’re just a person in a costume, but when they get an opportunity to pose, they are Link, or the Joker, or the Doctor. Candid photos rob them of the opportunity to be somebody else.

...and then he had to get on the streetcar home.

The Marathon

“It’s not a sprint. It’s a marathon.” That’s what a geek dad on the floor says to the four kids he’s escorting past the dealer booths. He’s trying to explain to his kids that the trick of coming out of the con having not spent all of your money is to check what each dealer has first, and then make a list of everything you want to buy, and then prioritize. This is logical and cautious, which is why practically nobody at the convention does it.

Which is good for the dealers, since for the most part they’re strategically pricing their goods. Things that they want to get rid of—single issues of comics, used toys, and everything else that, if it sells at any price, they come out ahead—these things are cheap. Newer goods, like shirts, recent graphic novels, and fresh collectibles, however, are priced high: a cursory examination of these prices shows that it’s almost always cheaper, and usually much cheaper, to buy these things from Amazon or similar internet sources, and that’s before you consider the fact that you’re paying admission for the privilege to shop.

Why yes, that is indeed a "Pepsi Challenge" T-shirt for sale there.

(Corporate dealers don’t have to price strategically, because they can afford to sell at just over cost and still come out ahead. Hence the enormous booth for Kre-O, Hasbro’s new Lego knockoff, selling Kre-O Transformers box sets at extremely low prices. We played with the loose bin of Kre-O for approximately one minute before feeling dirty, and wandered over to the giant Lego sculpture of Hagrid to make our souls right with the Lego world. If Mega Bloks are a regrettable one-night stand, then Kre-O is a $10,000-a-night call girl, but you’re still cheating.)

The single issues and the priced-to-sell stuff are loss leaders to get you to buy things at greater expense than you otherwise would. Everybody knows this: the dealers, the convention, and even the fans. What’s interesting this year is that, according to several dealers (all of whom requested anonymity) it’s not working as well as it used to. One dealer explained: “They went to four days this year, and it used to be three, and don’t get me wrong, it’s still good for us. But we’re paying more to be here, and they’re buying less. Maybe it’s the recession, maybe it’s because four days makes it less intense, I don’t know. But they’re buying less. That’s something nobody wants to see, right?”

Or at least, they’re buying less new stuff. The old stuff seems to be moving quite well. Buyers hovered eagerly over a dealer specializing in old 1980s toys, salivating at the sight of a boxful of first-generation Transformers, spending hundreds of dollars to purchase all the playthings they couldn’t get when they were kids – which is of course often the entire point of the dealers room.

DIY

In an interesting reversal from previous Fan Expos, the “create comics yourself” panels were much more heavily attended than the “how to get work in superhero comics” panels. Possibly this is because everybody who would have attended the latter now knows that they amount to “do something on your own first, then we’ll see if you’re good enough to work on Ant-Man.”

Indeed, the do-it-yourself panels were packed full of ambitious nerds who didn’t know what they needed to do to become the next great comics superstar, but knew that they didn’t know and wanted to rectify that. These were nerds of the type who figure that conventions such as Fan Expo are just like professionals’ conventions: an opportunity to network. (Which is not an incorrect perception, of course, but we say this to distinguish them from the nerds who just show up to shop and party.)

Our pictures of the panels were all lousy, so here's a picture of that Strong Bad we mentioned earlier. For the LADIES.

The creative team of Kill Shakespeare—well, one of them, apologizing for the other two’s customs issues—led nerds through the process of bringing the Shakespeare-mega-mashup-adventure comic to publication. He attempted to discuss business plans and pitching. The attendees took in all of his explanations and stories with grace, but from the get-go it was clear that, although they were grateful for any nuggets they could get, that wasn’t what they were there for: at the beginning, when asked why they were attending, people shouted out, “how to write comics!” “Pacing panels!” “Editing!” “Lettering!”

Which is why Ty Templeton’s Comics Boot Camp was such a success. The comics veteran is an excellent teacher and every year this panel draws in fans, and more importantly helps them with basic comics skills, teaching them the first words of their new and larger vocabulary. But, outside of the panel, envious non-comics nerds muttered. “Why aren’t there panels for making your own webseries?” “I wish they had intro panels on zombie makeup.” The comics community is leading the way in teaching its fans to become contributors, but the other aspects of the con need to follow their lead—not least because there’s no customer like one who views him- or herself as part of the process.

Draco Malfoy And The Secret Identity

Every Fan Expo, and every fan convention, really, has a hit guest; this year’s was Tom Felton, a.k.a. Draco Malfoy from the Harry Potter movies. Felton made appearances on Friday, Saturday, and Sunday, and every single one was mobbed. Felton’s lines got so long they started to absorb other lines, leading one observer to wonder why the line for Ethan Phillips was so enormous: “There simply cannot be this many teenage girls who care desperately about fucking Neelix.”

Not pictured: the other half of the Tom Felton lineup.

Which there weren’t, of course. Other guests were simply overshadowed by Felton in every respect. Dozens of people lined up to see Larry Hagman (wearing a white J.R. Ewing–style cowboy hat), but Hagman was able to exit through the Fan Expo crowds unmolested and easily. Felton, meanwhile, had to escape through the back tunnels in the heart of the Metro Toronto Convention Centre. Right now, immediately following the second Deathly Hallows film, the world is in the final stages of Peak Potter, so that’s what Tom Felton has to do, for now.

At least until he starts balding, anyway.

Photos by Christopher Bird/Torontoist.

Hip-hop DJ Peter Project is part of Friday night's Nerd-Approved Music. Photo from Project's MySpace website.

Nerd-Approved Music
The Rivoli (334 Queen Street West)
August 26, 8 p.m.
$5 for Fan Expo attendees, $10 general admission

Musician Peter Chapman is a self-proclaimed nerd and is pontificating on how the perception of being a nerd has changed over time. “I’ve always considered myself a nerd, and people have always called me a nerd,” says the Durham County composer and hip-hop DJ. (Yeah, you read that correctly.) “Something has happened in the last few years where it’s become not only okay but cool to be a nerd.”

Chapman’s right: in a world where superhero films are de rigueur summer fare and even Disney is cashing in on merchandise proclaiming a love for nerds, it’s hip to be square.

Coincidentally, “Disney-core hip-hop” is a term Chapman coined to describe his more personal work done under the moniker Peter Project. Asked to expand on the seemingly contradictory phrase, he explains: “I sample kids’ records and cheesy Disney records and read-along stories—if you listen to my first album it sounds like a lot of kids’ theme songs mashed up with electronica and hip-hop beats.” Chapman admits he likes to make people laugh and uses the words “goofy,” “silly,” and “quirky” to describe his music, although that didn’t stop him from taking the crown at Sound Battle Royale, Toronto’s first live hip-hop production competition held last October, beating out more than 30 esteemed competitors.

Chapman will show off his nerdier side when he performs at the Rivoli for Nerd-Approved Music (a show we listed in our Fan Expo best bets). When asked what kind of nerds should attend, organizer Shaun Hatton responds: “People who like wrestling. People who like science-fiction and fantasy. People who want to hear raps about Mega Man, GI Joe, Transformers, and daily struggles. People who want to hear a rock song about The Legend of Zelda. People who want to remember how amazing the theme song to the cartoon Droids really was. People who sing along to their video game music. People who like loving. People who like music.” So, nerds, then? In addition to Chapman, the show will also include brentalfloss, an American musician who gained attention through YouTube by singing lyrics over video game themes; local hip-hop artists More or Les and Wordburglar; and rock band Cobra, in which Hatton is lead singer.

Cobra lead singer Shaun Hatton (centre) says the band has been compared to Sex Bob-omb of Scott Pilgrim lore. Photo courtesy of Cobra.

The Toronto acts—Chapman, More or Les, Wordburglar, and Cobra—are all friends, and there may end up being a rivalry for who can up the nerd quotient most. Chapman jokes that “being a nerd doesn’t have to be all about liking GI Joe and comics—unless you’re Wordburglar, in which then it’s all about liking GI Joe and comics.” The act with the nerdiest cred of all may end up being Cobra: “We get a comparison that is very surprising but also very flattering: a lot of people say we sound like Sex Bob-omb from the Scott Pilgrim movie,” says Hatton. “When we started the band, the movie hadn’t come out, but they’re supposed to be a band that came out of ’90s Canadian rock and I guess we are too.” He adds, “We’re also inspired by ’70s and ’80s metal.”

For his part, Chapman promises to sneak in something nerdier, such as tracks from his work scoring the PlayStation 3 video game ModNation Racers. “They’re pretty good party jams,” he says. A room full of people dancing to music for a kart-racing game? We approve.

Not that these mousepads from a previous Fan Expo aren’t very, very special in their own way.

Fan Expo is back once more. The annual comic/sci-fi/horror/anime/game convention is now the largest nerd convention in Canada and is widely recognized as one of the most important conventions in North America.

This year it moves to the more expansive southern half of the Metro Toronto Convention Centre so lineups should not be as oppressive as last year’s debacle.

Fan Expo has hundreds of attractions every year, and although everybody knows that William Shatner is making his triumphant return to Fan Expo, there’s so much more to Fan Expo than waiting in line for your 90 seconds with the Shat and spending money at dealers’ booths. Here, then, are seven attractions we think are worth a looksee.

1 Learn how to make your own comic. Local comics artist Ty Templeton, now in his third decade of superhero comics work and also known for his own independent work, once again brings his “Make Your Own Damn Comic” workshop to Fan Expo (Thursday, 5 p.m.). Last year’s edition was entertaining and informative, as Templeton has a real knack for explaining the nuts and bolts of comic production in a way that neither talks down nor fails to enlighten. However, Templeton’s workshop is only one of two he’s doing at FanExpo this year, and only one of over twenty how-to-make-comics workshops: this year’s options range from Brian Azzarello (100 Bullets, Detective Comics) and Jason Aaron (Scalped, PunisherMAX) discussing the hows of writing crime comics (Saturday, 3 p.m.), to Jill Thompson (Sandman) giving pointers on using watercolour illustration in sequential art (Saturday, 6 p.m.), to the legendary Bill Sienkiewicz giving a “master class” in comics illustration (Saturday, 5 p.m.). And if all of that makes you think that you want to have a shot at making X-Men comics for real, Marvel Comics has a seminar on breaking into their ranks (Thursday, 5 p.m.).

2 Celebrate Canadian content in sci-fi and fantasy. One of the fun things about Fan Expo is that it’s slowly becoming the go-to convention for science fiction made in Canada. Consider the cast and creators of Lost Girl, Showcase’s series about a girl who is actually a heroic bisexual succubus fairy. (About to begin its third season!) Last year they made their first appearance and were mobbed; this year marks their triumphant return to Fan Expo, where they’ll sign autographs and generally mingle with fans of heroic bisexual succubus fairies. Support Canadian content!
3 Use tiny giant robots to shoot at your friends. BattleTech, as a franchise, has seen more popular days, but the original “giant walking robot tanks go to war” miniature game that inspired numerous popular computer games like MechWarrior, and even a (pretty awful) 1990s cartoon series, is still going strong, celebrating its 25th anniversary this year. All weekend long, Fan Expo will be running a “Mech Grinder” competition, where you can jump in with your BattleMech miniature (which will be thoughtfully provided for those who don’t have the time to paint tiny miniatures) and shoot them at your friends. Roll a lot of dice, swear when someone lucks out by blowing up your cockpit with a lucky gauss rifle shot, then go again.

4 Watch anime fans compete on “game shows.” The annual “Anime Game Shows” events are among Fan Expo’s most popular and, unlike many of the anime events, are actually really entertaining to people who don’t know anything about anime, because watching contestants desperately try to guess what a given person is drawing (“Anime Win, Lose Or Draw,” Friday, 3 p.m.) or singing (“Anime Name That Tune,” Friday, 4 p.m.) is actually really fun even if you don’t know anything about the context. Often, it’s more fun to watch them freak out when you have absolutely no idea at all about the context. Alternately, there is the Five Minute Pitch competition (Sunday, 5 p.m.), wherein fans pitch their ideas for anime/manga series to a panel of judges in front of anybody. We guarantee there will be a lot of insanity at this. Possibly even some heroic bisexual succubus fairies.

5 Meet Sex Machine. We don’t see the need to pimp most of the heavily advertised “special guests,” but we’ll make an exception for Tom Savini, who is a horror film legend: he was chief makeup and FX artist for the original Dawn of the Dead, Day of the Dead, and Friday the 13th. He has also become one of Robert Rodriguez’s casting regulars, having made appearances in From Dusk Till Dawn, Planet Terror, and Machete—dying horrifically in all of them because that is what Tom Savini does best. Basically he is the most awesome person at the entire convention, more awesome than ten William Shatners combined, and his Q&A session (Friday, 2:30 p.m.) should be a treat.

6 Play Settlers of Catan to win. Did you know there’s a World Championship for Settlers of Catan, the enormously popular and successful German board game wherein the key to victory is putting together an efficient economic engine, using the robber wisely, and making the best jokes about how you will give “wood for sheep”? Well, there is: it’s going to be held in 2012, and competing at this year’s Settlers of Catan tournament will pre-seed you in next year’s Canadian qualifier to get into the World Championships. Our advice: go for the longest road, and don’t forget the importance of rock. Good old rock. Nothing beats rock.

7 Get your nerd groove on. In conjunction with Fan Expo, the Rivoli presents “Nerd-Approved Music,” an evening with YouTube nerd celebrities like Brentalfloss, Wordburglar, and More or Les. Five bucks off admission with your Fan Expo pass makes this a deal you can’t afford to miss. Unless you’re, like, cool or something. (And if you’re cool, what the hell are you doing with a Fan Expo pass anyways?)