I Want Your Job finds Torontonians who make a living doing exactly what they love to do, in any field, and for any salary, and asks them how they did it.

The burlesque revival of the past couple decades has received mixed criticism from feminist thinkers, who have made convincing arguments both for it and against. But for sex educator and burlesque performer Lorraine Hewitt (aka CoCo LaCreme), burlesque was an awakening.

“I had received messages my whole life that that it was not my right as a woman who looks the way I do—who is short and not thin and a woman of colour—to claim a place in the spotlight and be adored,” says Hewitt, who now teaches burlesque workshops (in addition to pleasure-centric sex education workshops targeted primarily at women) at universities, conferences, and the Good for Her women’s sex shop on Harbord Street.

Our conversation with Hewitt is below.

Torontoist: What led to your becoming a sex educator?

Lorraine Hewitt: I was not somebody who received a lot of sex education from my parents. I think the school did its best, but my folks did not talk to me about sex at all. When I asked my mother what an orgasm was when I was like 12 years old, she said, “Don’t say that word ever again.”

When I started having sex, I had no idea about what I was supposed to do or whether it was supposed to feel good, or if it was all about pleasing somebody else. It led to me having not-so-great sexual experiences. I was lucky that the people I became friends with were very sex-positive, sex-radical people who encouraged me to try lots of different things. So I decided I really wanted to explore as much as I could and see what I could apply to my life, and educating myself made a really big difference.

I got a job offer at a sex shop and started working there, and I found that I was very comfortable talking about sexuality. And then a few years later I decided that I wanted to teach workshops as well. I started teaching workshops [at Good for Her] about nine years ago.

When did the burlesque begin?

That probably began around the year 2000. I started out as an accidental go-go dancer when my really good friend Will Munro started the Vazaleen party at the El Mocambo, and my friend John and I got onto a table and started dancing. We ended up being the official Vazaleen go-go dancers for years, which caught the attention of Skin Tight Outta Sight, the burlesque troupe I’ve been with since the beginning. Those girls were at the forefront at the burlesque revival in Canada, and now they’re the longest-running burlesque troupe in Canada. I joined up with them, and they kind of educated me on what burlesque was. I had some knowledge about it already from vintage [clothing and magazines], but I didn’t have a lot of knowledge about the burgeoning revival. It was terrifying at first, but I quickly grew to love it, exhibitionist that I am [laughs].

Do you see parallels between the burlesque and sex-ed components of your career?

Definitely. Being able to go out there [as a burlesque dancer] and confirm that I can occupy that space [in the spotlight], and also open up people’s eyes to differences in beauty—or at least affirm to people that if their desires are counter to what’s presented in mainstream media and magazines, that that’s okay—is really empowering. And of course I’ve found sex education really personally empowering, in terms of raising my confidence and putting me out there. Both of those things really help people out, and they both really helped me out.

What are the biggest barriers you think women face to having positive relationships with sex and their bodies?

I think the biggest barrier is the idea that [sexuality] is not a woman’s right to claim, that our main goal is to please others and to make other people happy and that only people who are “allowed” or who have some kind of privilege are entitled to happiness or sexual pleasure. I feel like women are living in a state where they’re made to feel constantly inadequate, maybe so we can be sold more mascara or whatever it is to make us somehow “right” or “okay.” Also, we don’t really prioritize female sexuality, which is why I work on the Feminist Porn Awards—because it promotes movies that put women’s sexuality and desires at the forefront.

What do you suggest for women who want to overcome these culturally imposed, socialized barriers that we’re born into?

I think education goes a really long way. The more you can diversify the types of media you’re exposed to and the opinions you get, the better. I think we have to almost install little mental checkpoints where we have to question what we see and how it actually applies to us and whether it’s something we want to give a lot of weight to. And women need to be kind to themselves and give themselves a chance to learn to like themselves. It’s about checking in with those negative voices. Connecting with likeminded women, diversifying your perspective, opening yourself up to education, I think the more you’re able to consume things that feed a different point of view the better off you are.

Image courtesy of The Great Canadian Burlesque.

The Great Canadian Girlesque Expo
Various locations
January 25–27
$20–$78

This coming weekend, Toronto will once again play host to the largest burlesque convention in Canada, The Great Canadian Girlesque Expo. An annual winter showcase now in its eighth year, it features legends of burlesque and active performers at the height of their power alongside local stars and emerging artists. Over three days, there will be more than 60 burlesque acts from across the country, as well as displays, vendors, and workshops.

The Girlesque Expo is put on by the Great Canadian Burlesque, an association of burlesque performers who also run the Canadian Burlesque Hall of Fame. Founded nearly a decade ago by Toronto-based mentalist, magician, and variety performer Mysterion, the Girlesque Expo is now setting the standard for grandeur in the Canadian burlesque scene.

During an interview, Mysterion immediately identifies the act he’s most excited to see this weekend: Tempest Storm. The pop-culture icon and burlesque legend will appear in Toronto for the first time in over 30 years. A contemporary of Bettie Page, Storm performed for well over 60 years, and her career has taken her as far as Hollywood. She retired in 1995, but still makes special appearances. Also coming: Tiffany Carter, another legend, who Mysterion says “has been performing since the 1960s and never retired.” Other performers will include Tanya Cheex, Jo Boobs Weldon, Burgundy Brixx, Coco Lectric, Fionna Flauntit, and Chaos Divine.

The appearances of legendary performers from the ’50s and ’60s alongside new and emerging performers is something that Mysterion is extremely proud of. Events like this, he says, “validate the Toronto burlesque scene.” He believes that Toronto’s burlesque performances “are at least on par, if not better than anything else out there.”

“[Toronto has] a nurturing scene,” he adds, “and is a city with a dance school on every corner, access to great cloth and crystals and costume makers. There are aerialists and circus schools. Toronto has so much that can allow people to become excellent performers.”

According to the Great Canadian Burlesque’s website, “Burlesque is not a synonym for stripping or exotic dancing. Burlesque is performance art that shines a spotlight on striptease that showcases skits, comedy, variety and seduction.” To this effect, Mysterion says part of the purpose of the expo is education, both for the performers and for the audience. The former have the opportunity to see their contemporaries at work. The latter get to see how far burlesque has come as an art form.

In addition to the performances, eight workshops will be offered over the course of the expo, on subjects ranging from costumes, to how to do a “glove peel.” There will even be a session with Tempest Storm on the psychology of burlesque.

Mysterion hopes audiences will come away with a new appreciation for their city’s steamy side. It’s important, he told us, to remember that “Toronto the Good” can also be naughty.

Would "normal" people be possessed to roam the streets as the undead had George A. Romero never made zombies so captivating? Photo by {a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/patrickyounger_photography/8117822118/sizes/z/in/photostream/"}Patrick.Younger.Photography{/a} from the {a href="http://www.flickr.com/groups/torontoist"}Torontoist Flickr Pool{/a}

FILM: Spend your Halloween with the Godfather of the zombies himself as TIFF presents In Conversation With George A. Romero. International Programmer Colin Geddes sits down with the legendary writer, producer, and director to celebrate his five decade-long career. Leading the zombie movement, and redefining the horror genre by blending gore with social and political commentary, Romero’s Night of the Living Dead, Dawn of the Dead, Martin, The Crazies and Creepshow have garnered critical acclaim and cult classic status. TIFF Bell Lightbox (350 King Street West), 7 p.m., $19.75 or $16 for students.

DANCE: Les Coquettes, a burlesque ensemble that mixes song, humour, and dance into their shows wants you to celebrate Halloween with them and their dark and sensual revue, Bone Orchard Follies. Follow young Billie Black who plans to teach the world a lesson on her prom night. Instead, she finds herself at the dim and smokey Bone Orchard Lounge, where the nightly variety show celebrates pleasures of the flesh. Revival Bar (783 College Street), 7 p.m. and 10 p.m., $20—35.

Urban Planner is Torontoist‘s guide to what’s on in Toronto, published every weekday morning, and in a weekend edition Friday afternoons. If you have an event you’d like considered, email all of its details—as well as images, if you’ve got any—to events@torontoist.com.

This weekend, Tim Burton inspired burlesque. Nuff said. Photo by ifyoufallphotography.com.

ART CRAWL: Do you ever tire of wandering galleries by yourself, unsure of the pace or direction from which you should view the art? Well, tire no more. The 2nd Annual DuWest Art Crawl is offering guided tours of local galleries: you’ll be given introductions to each exhibit and then a chance to wander yourself. Plus, each tour begins and ends at a cafe or local bar—just like the life of a real artist. Saturday, Full of Beans Coffee House & Roastery, (1348 Dundas Street West), tours start at 12 p.m. and 2 p.m., FREE.

BOOKS: Another weekend, another instalment of the reading/author series Impossible Words. This week’s edition features Kristyn Dunnion (author of The Dirt Chronicles), and Anand Mahadevan (author of The Strike). As always, the readings and interview will be followed by a Q&A, open mic, and a PWYC lunch. Academy of the Impossible (231 Wallace Avenue), Saturday, 1:30 p.m., FREE.

MUSIC: Think you’ve got what it takes to spin a record so hard you can turn a night club into a roller derby? Well, hurry and sign up for the latest Everyone’s a DJ, a night where you too can show off your curating abilities and musical taste. If nothing else, it’s still an awesome bash to go to even if you aren’t up for DJing. Disgraceland (965 Bloor Street West), Saturday, 9 p.m., FREE.

BURLESQUE: It’s probably safe to say that when Tim Burton released his now-classic The Nightmare Before Christmas, he didn’t think it would inspire a burlesque show. The Underground Peepshow continues to prove Rule 34 (“if it exists, there is a pornographic version of it”) with The Nightmare Before Stripmas: An Evening of Burlesque—a night of sexy and possibly very gothic performances. One has to wonder what would happen if they ever took on James and the Giant Peach. The Projection Booth Metro (677 Bloor Street West), Saturday, 9 p.m., $20.

MUSIC: Toronto music lovers may already be anxiously awaiting Flying Lotus’ set at the Danforth Music Hall, but if you haven’t stretched your classical music muscles in a while, here’s a different show for you. My Life on Earth and Elsewhere is a concert that features a variety of pieces including the world premiere of Wolf Returns by R. Murray Schafer. There will also be an interview with Schafer and a book signing before the show. Koerner Hall (273 Bloor Street West), Sunday, 7 p.m., ticket prices vary.

Urban Planner is Torontoist‘s guide to what’s on in Toronto, published every weekday morning, and in a weekend edition Friday afternoons. If you have an event you’d like considered, email all of its details—as well as images, if you’ve got any—to events@torontoist.com.

SPORTS: It’s clobbering time! Toronto’s favourite women on wheels are inviting you to a weekend of roller derby mayhem in the form of the 3^rd Annual Quad City Chaos tournament. This two-day event features a variety of teams competing it out round-robin style. The event will be taking place at the new venue in Downsview Park so make sure you bring your own blankets and folding chairs. The Bunker (40 Carl Hall Road, Studio 3), Saturday and Sunday, times and ticket prices vary.

STORYTELLING: Did you miss your public libraries? We know that we sure did. Though the millions of books that were gathering dust on shelves around the city are once again accessible, there’s yet another way to lose yourself in somebody else’s tale—the Toronto Storytelling Festival. This massive event features stories told from and about all aspects of Canadian identity with a ton of storytelling (and music) taking place all around the city. Click here to see our preview. Saturday and Sunday; locations, times, and ticket prices vary.

PROTEST: With regimes around the world toppling and new governments moving in, the phrase election fraud tends to be the ultimate buzzkill. Many voters feel the same way about Canada’s 2011 general election—especially after thousands of reports of automated calls that misdirected citizens to incorrect voting stations. To rally for change and a more thorough investigation into the matter, there’ll be a National Day of Action. Old City Hall (60 Queen Street W.), Saturday, 2:30–4:30 p.m., FREE.

MUSIC: If you’ve been lucky enough to watch street-violist extraordinaire Dr. Draw absolutely shred his way through a set, then you already know that you’re in for a treat. Dr. Draw’s Strange Parade brings together his collective as well as a Strange Parade circus troupe (which includes clowns, acrobats, and more) for a night of music, wonder, and charity. Funds raised will help the collective travel to perform for children, hospitals, orphanages, and more. Mod Club (722 College Street), Saturday, 8 p.m., $10.

COMEDY: Free improv show? Yes, please. Saturday night delivers a spin on your regular improv shows with a little something called True Stories, Made Up Plays. The event has hand-picked storytellers tell true stories before the improv troupe takes their experiences for a ride. The show features the groups Robocop School For The Arts and Back To The Future Players. Black Swan Tavern, (154 Danforth Avenue), Saturday, 10 p.m., FREE.

BURLESQUE: If you’re the type of person who wishes the latest version of Dancing with the Stars could be a bit more like Argentina’s version (link NSFW), well … your dreams for a contest that judges how well its participants take off their clothes are about to come true. Strip Search 2012 is a competition that hopes to spotlight up-and-coming burlesque performers as they battle it out for a coveted spot in this summer’s annual Toronto Burlesque Festival; the event is also a fundraiser for said festival. Revival (783 College Street), Sunday, 7 p.m.–2 a.m., $20 advance, $25 at door.

Urban Planner is Torontoist‘s guide to what’s on in Toronto, published every weekday morning, and in a weekend edition Friday afternoons. If you have an event you’d like considered, email all of its details—as well as images, if you’ve got any—to events@torontoist.com.

The Simpsons get sexy in this weekend's burlesque production. Photo courtesy of Sevvy Skellington.

PETS: Cats. What are they good for, anyway? If you’re rooting for the other team, check out the The Purina National Dog Show—which will feature relay racing, a grooming competition, and doggies, doggies, everywhere. Mississauga’s International Centre (6900 Airport Road), Friday to Sunday, 10 a.m., $10 adults, $6 children.

ART: You don’t have to take a trip to Oz in order to learn to appreciate where you come from, but it never hurts to do so. Using video and photography, artist Jenn E Norton brings you No Place—an installation to explore the relationship between residence, ownership, and home. Trinity Square Video (401 Richmond Street W., Suite 376), Saturday, opening reception 2 p.m.–4 p.m., FREE.

TV MARATHON: Love to watch TV? Love to discuss art? Well, the stars have aligned to let you do both things in one go. The AGO is hosting a nine-hour marathon of the second season of the Bravo show Work of Art. Don’t miss this opportunity to hang out in the AGO after hours (and score free pizza). Art Gallery of Ontario (317 Dundas Street W.), Saturday, 3 p.m.–12 a.m., FREE.

COMEDY: Monkey Toast, the much beloved improvised talk show, is back! The show, which ended its seven-year run back in May 2010, returns with host Ron Tite and the Monkey Toast Players (including Colin Mochrie, Lisa Merchant, Jan Caruana, and many more). Comedy Bar (945 Bloor Street W.), Saturday, 8 p.m., $10.

BURLESQUE: Woo hoo! If you’ve ever wondered what Springfield’s most memorable cartoon family would look like sans clothing, you’re in luck. We Put the Spring in Springfield is a Simpsons-themed burlesque show brought to you by the same people who put on Marvelesque last year. There will also be Classic Simpsons Trivia to test the die-hard fans. Toronto Underground Cinema (186 Spadina Avenue), Saturday, 9 p.m., $12 advance, $15 door.

MUSIC: Ah, the 80s. So much use of synths. It’s a shame we don’t see too much of that anymore. But never fear: Synthicide is here to fulfill your synthpop and electropop needs. The night features beats by DJ Lazarus and EBM/Industrial Room so you can get your groove on while also enjoying the $4 drink specials (before 11:30 p.m.). Nocturne (550 Queen Street W.), Saturday, 10 p.m.–3 a.m., $3 before 11 p.m., $5 after.

YOGA: Don’t miss this great chance to do something healthy—and for a great cause. Fitness for Food: Yoga Nia Zumba Party invites yoga-lovers for a fun-filled day of stretching, dancing, and a shiatsu massage. Don’t forget to bring a non-perishable item for the UTSU Food & Clothing Bank. Great Hall, Hart House (7 Hart House Circle), Sunday, 9:30 a.m., $25.

ART: Though it’s probably too early to gauge the true impact of the Occupy movement, it goes without saying that it has already had a significant impact on popular culture. Take Pre-Occupied, a pop-up exhibition inspired by the protests, for instance. Participating artists will explore the theme of claiming space for expression. Garden Garage (173 Macdonell Avenue), Sunday, Opening Reception, 3 p.m.–5 p.m., FREE.

Urban Planner is Torontoist‘s guide to what’s on in Toronto, published every weekday morning, and in a weekend edition Friday afternoons. If you have an event you’d like considered, email all of its details—as well as images, if you’ve got any—to events@torontoist.com.

“This is a professional theatre company, but it’s not like a Mirvish show. We’re gonna show you our tits!”

So began the second installment of Les Coquettes burlesque troupe’s Speakeasy dinner theatre series on Monday night, housed in the exposed-brick fortress of Little Italy’s Revival bar. It seemed appropriate that the event be held there, in a century-old former Baptist church. The sage old space served well for an evening of scintillating song and dance, lending architectural dignity to what mistress of ceremonies La Minouche (a.k.a. Les Coquettes’ artistic director Catherine Skinner) cheekily dubbed “our combination of dinner and titty.” And at tickets up to $85 a pop, both dinner and titty deserve to be packaged in a classy setting.

Of course, there’s nothing inherently unclassy about burlesque, despite what some of the more prudish among us may presume about the performance art.

Striptease is certainly a centrepiece of any burlesque show worth its salt—or its sequins—and Les Coquettes prove that showing some skin takes real artistry. The women and men who took to the stage are solid performers with undeniable song and dance chops; cabaret patrons may come for the scantily clad dancers, but they will certainly stay for the talent.

The 90-minute show that followed executive chef Christopher Woods’ expertly prepared menu (and it should be mentioned that Christopher Woods once cooked for Morgan Freeman) included singing, dancing, and even aerial acrobatics; not bad for a weekday night on the town. Special musical guest Big Rude Jake, a bluesy 1940s throwback on acoustic guitar, warmed up the crowd before and between dance numbers, which included meticulously executed routines running the gamut from sexy tango to sultry ballet.

But sexy and sultry never turned sleazy, which is the beauty of burlesque done right. In an art form more about the tease than the strip, the draw is in the nuance. And Les Coquettes have (pardon the double entendre) nailed it.

Les Coquettes, as their versions of Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs, are about to get up to some mischief. Photo by Ryan Visima.

Cabaret Enchanté
The Revival
(783 College Street)
October 30, 7 p.m. and 9 p.m.
Tickets from $15 (standing room only) to $30 (VIP banquette and cabaret seats)

Talk about your happy endings. If there’s one medium that can remake a fairy tale without it feeling tired or clichéd, it’s burlesque. And what better group to put an adult spin on beloved classics than Toronto’s own Les Coquettes? A burlesque act at heart, this troupe also incorporates many elements of cabaret into their shows, placing strong vocals and impressive high-wire acts alongside electrifying strip teases. The troupe’s performance of Cabaret Enchanté (now playing at the Revival), their latest Halloween extravaganza, is delightfully Tim Burton–esque.

Led by charismatic hostess La Minouche, which, as she informed us, is French for “pussy… cat,” the show takes familiar Brothers Grimm and Hans Christian Andersen characters and stamps them with a giant “Rated X.” From Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs—yes, there was a lot of skin on stage—all the way to the Little Mermaid, Les Coquettes prove nothing is off bounds when it comes to satisfying an audience.

The tone of the show bounced between humour and the edge of darkness—though there were plenty of laughs (many of which came from an audience volunteer who, in one number, was turned into one of Little Bo Peep’s sheep and had to help undress her, naturally), there were also hints that something more sinister was at work. Perhaps it’s a natural consequence of fairy tale characters growing up (Alan Moore’s Lost Girls comes to mind), but one scene that drove this notion home was the high-flying Rapunzel. Demonstrating the wide range of the show, this well-choreographed wire act had a prince dangling above the audience from Rapunzel’s hair, before falling to his bloody demise.

Mistress of ceremonies La Minouche keeps the audience captivated between acts. Photo by Kyle Bachan/Torontoist.

What really stood out in this performance, which many burlesque shows are unfortunately lacking, was its brilliant use of the venue’s space. While it’s a dynamic setting, the Revival has its limitations. The building is narrower than traditional theatres, which means those sitting furthest away from the stage would normally get short-changed.

Fortunately, this was not the case. The dancers introduced themselves by walking through the seats, sometimes even striding along the bar itself, and often broke the fourth wall to interact with the audience (the girl sitting next to us was given a shiny red apple from a suspicious lady who later took to the stage).

Though there were a few technical difficulties with the sound, they were hardly noticeable thanks to the looseness of the show’s host. In many ways, burlesque is meant to be a parody of theatre, and these gals thankfully aren’t taking themselves too seriously. But any fans of theatre looking for solid entertainment with a blend of wit and sexiness should consider taking them seriously.

Celebrate Halloween early with Les Coquettes, a cabaret burlesque. Photo by Ryan Visima.

SEX: Now that we have your attention, let us tell you about The Everything To Do With Sex Show, featuring such activities as “Got Ass Best Booty Contest,” “The Bad Boy of Hypnosis,” “Bottoms Up, Impact Play,” “I’m A Little Tied Up,” “Hedonistic Lifestyle,” and many more, this show promises to oil those rusty “kinks” in your sexual lifestyles. Fun for the whole family! (and by “family” we mean the Toronto fetish-community family of course). Metro Toronto Convention Centre South Building (255 Front Street West), Friday to Sunday, ticket prices vary.

ZOO: With Halloween quickly approaching, the Toronto Zoo is getting in on the festivities with double weekends of family-friendly terror. Boo at the Zoo, otherwise known as “kids, we’ve let the polar bears out of their cages, try not to die” (kidding!), is an all-ages event featuring trick or treating on a pumpkin trail, a creatures costume parade, and the beloved hay maze. The Toronto Zoo (361A Old Finch Avenue), Saturday to Sunday, 10 a.m.–4 p.m., $23 (kids 12 and under wearing costume get in FREE).

THE UNDEAD: It’s finally happened. Mankind spent way too much time playing with chimps. Or the CDC had an accidental explosion. Maybe some teenage punks used a Ouija board on an Indian burial ground. The reason doesn’t matter. What does matter is that on Saturday, the dead will rise. No insanely popular science fiction series could prepare us for this. Just run. Don’t walk. Or walk, cover yourself in blood, groan like Toronto councillors debating the next budget, and try to blend in. That works too. The 9th Annual Toronto Zombie Walk starts at Trinity Bellwoods Park, Saturday, pre-festivities (including a zombie wedding?!) start at noon, walk starts at 3 p.m., FREE.

SUSTAINABLE ENERGY: Fans of the reality show The Amazing Race will appreciate this scavenger hunt of sorts—a race around the city to learn more about Toronto’s green projects. The first annual Eco Chase challenges teams to search for Toronto’s Earth-friendly movements. Sustainable food and drinks will be available at stops along the way! The chase begins at 221 Yonge Street, Saturday, noon, $30 registration.

THEATRE: Hockey season is back, which means we’ll get to see more triple-plays! …For those of you still reading, the Off Bathurst Theatre District Marathon is teaming up three fabulous plays and putting them under the umbrella of one cheap ticket price. The plays include Those Who Can’t Do…, In the Next Room (or the Vibrator Play), and HARDSELL. In addition to the performances, the ticket price also includes dinner at Diverso by Ferraro 502 and transportation between the theatres. Even Toronto’s current occupiers couldn’t protest that bargain! Starts at Theatre Passe Muraille (16 Ryerson Avenue), Saturday, 2 p.m.–10 p.m., $95.

PARTY: Music and community are always a recipe for success. The Avro bar is holding a mega party offering music, art, circus performers, and a giant mustache in memory of Jack Layton. The first annual AvroFest will feature Still Life Still, Shit La Merde, Gay, the Break Down, Damn Aykroyd, and much more. The Opera House (735 Queen Street East), Saturday, 8 p.m., $15.

ROALD DAHL: Everyone remembers the real ending of James and the Giant Peach. You know, the one where just as the peach was about to touch down in NYC it got swept away by windy weather and instead landed in Toronto? This Sunday, check out Toronto Roald Dahl Day, in which the 50th anniversary of James and the Giant Peach is celebrated with games, a scavenger hunt, a screening of the Tim Burton film, and much more. Gladstone Hotel (1214 Queen Street West), Sunday, 11 a.m.-4 p.m, $10 (All Dahl Pass).

BURLESQUE: Yowsa, be careful you don’t burn your finger on all the spiciness this weekend has to offer. Turning up the heat on Sunday, join Les Coquettes, a cabaret burlesque ensemble, for a Halloween Spectacular. The night is a twisted take on beloved fairytale characters—bringing the familiar happily-ever-after worlds we know to a darker level. Revival (783 College Street ), Sunday, 7 p.m. and 9 p.m., ticket prices vary.

Urban Planner is Torontoist‘s guide to what’s on in Toronto, published every weekday morning, and in a weekend edition Friday afternoons. If you have an event you’d like considered, email all of its details—as well as images, if you’ve got any—to events@torontoist.com.

Babes in Space the Sequel: The Wrath of Thong
The Revival
(783 College St.)
August 28 and September 1

There are a few things you might learn at the Revival’s Star Wars vs. Star Trek burlesque show, Babes in Space the Sequel: The Wrath of Thong, that you didn’t even know you wanted to know: How much for a decent pair of tribble-inspired pasties? ($15 from the sexy blue-shirt at the merch table.) What is Queen Amidala wearing under all those robes? (They may have strayed from the canon here.) And at the end of the night, how does an olive-hued Orion slave girl get home? (The Ossington bus—she’s just like you!)

This is the second consecutive year for Babes in Space, an all-geek, all-sexy show produced by (and with performances by) Toronto burlesque dancer Red Herring. She has learned much of what she knows from local expert Coco Framboise, who holds classes on Wednesdays at the Fierce Fitness Studio on College Street, but Herring also extols the virtues of picking things up from YouTube (as she did with bellydancing). At various times, the crimson-haired lifelong Trekkie, who also goes by Reena Smith, has tried her hand at everything from musical theatre to ballroom dancing to stripping. “There is a certain line between stripping and burlesque, but the line is very thin,” she says. “Burlesque is all about the art of the tease—it’s just how far you push that tease, and the narrative you bring to it.”

And what better narrative to bring than the rabidly beloved interstellar adventures of Star Trek and Star Wars? While they do play up the rivalry between the two, there’s plenty of room in the show’s dozen or more acts for both franchises to bare all—so for every Amidala discovering her own dark side (performer Keela Watts) there’s an aerial Borg dancer navigating her way around a suspended cube (Miranda Tempest). And taking the award for “Best Ever Use of William Shatner’s cover of ‘Common People’” is BoylesqueTO’s Patastrophic Sexapeel, whose cheeky turn as Captain Kirk brings the show to a triumphant close.

Based on the audience’s cheering at the beginning of the night, things seem pretty evenly split between the various Wars and Treks of the stars, but even Red Herring has her convictions: “I am a huge nerd, and I absolutely love sci-fi,” she says. “I grew up a Trekkie, but the nerd world absolutely loves Star Wars. And I have the love-on for the original Star Wars—but we’re gonna ignore the rest.” Strong fighting words, but maybe they’re fair: Episodes I through III did bring us the sniveling Anakin Skywalker, after all, and Jar-Jar Binks with his terrible language conventions.

Thanks to the success of the inaugural Babes in Space show, this year features two performances, and this Thursday’s roster will be a slight change-up from Sunday’s show—same great theme, with a few acts replaced by shiny new models. Without giving too much away, rest assured Vader has never looked this sexy doing such ungodly things with a lightsaber.

Little Rock The Projection Booth Tuesday, August 9, 7 p.m.

Moonstruck TIFF Bell Lightbox Thursday, August 11, 7 p.m. p.m.

Jurassic Park The Revue Thursday, August 11, 9:10 p.m.

The Underground Peepshow Presents: Marvelesque The Underground Friday, August 12, 9 p.m.

Jurassic Park
Revue Cinema (400 Roncesvalles Avenue)
Thursday, August 11, 9:10 p.m.

We feel kind of lazy, racking up back-to-back listings of the Revue’s Spielberg Summer programme in two consecutive weeks. But you know what? It’s summer. And like it or lump it, nothing says summer like Spielberg. And even though there’s plenty of indie and art-house stuff going on this week, it’s a fact that the bulk of indie and arthouse films do not have early CGI dinosaurs. Most important, though, if you were born anywhere between, like, 1984 and 1987, there’s a good chance Jurassic Park is the pinnacle of your summer movie nostalgia.
Looking at it now, by classically Spielbergian standards, there’s a lot wrong with Jurassic Park. At some level, the really great early Spielberg blockbusters (Jaws, Close Encounters, E.T.) are about reconciling the gargantuan marvels of the cinema with the banality of day-to-day life in Middle America. When the mother-ship arrives in Close Encounters, it’s extra-imposing when we remember Richard Dreyfuss’s messy house or his just-as-crummy truck. It not only puts the sense of scale in relief, it posits a near-perfect viewer surrogate. Spielberg pitches his films as much to bedraggled middle-agers as he does to wide-eyed kids, the former slumbering into the cinema to be entertained and being shocked out of their stupor by how thoroughly they’re entertained.
Jurassic Park is a bit too hermetic to pull this off. Apart from the scene up-top in Sam Neil and Laura Dern’s beat-up trailer (which is presumably a temporary home), there’s really nothing to play the bigness of Jurassic Park itself against. And while Dern and Neil seem sufficiently down-to-earthy (it helps that they’re covered in dirt for more-or-less the whole movie), Jurassic Park trades in slicker archetypes. The “cool guy” in Jaws was Richard Dreyfuss’ nasally, puddy shark expert. Here we have a gelled-up Jeff Goldblum, playing a bad boy mathematician, whose shirt, it seems, unbuttons one more button with every scene. Where is the dork Goldblum of The Fly? The one who would try to whisk Geena Davis on a date by uttering that one magic word: cheeseburger? Also Richard Attenborough’s mad scientist showman always got off a little easy, but that’s probably because Spielberg’s heart beats for characters like the mad scientist showman.
But, the thing is this, even if it’s not as good as Jaws (what is?!) and it doesn’t have the same sense of comparative scale of some of Spielberg’s better pictures, it’s only because Jurassic Park is an exercise in size. The race-to-the-bottom blockbuster arms race (manifesting in Godzilla’s telling “SIZE. DOES. MATTER.” tagline) started with Jurassic Park. But that’s not Jurassic Park’s fault, necessarily.
Because remember when it came out, way back there in 1993? Special effects–wise, there was nothing like it. Sure, Terminator 2 gave us the T-1000. But he was just a pile of metallic goo! Spielberg and his team of keyboard-punching, Dennis Nedry–ish wizards gave these creatures weight and texture, and even personality, as with the T-Rex who ends up being the hero of film. These were real-deal dinosaurs. Like the kind we’d read about in all the books and magazines that would clutter up our bedrooms as dino-fever spread in Jurassic Park’s wake. And unlike the bigger, dumber, shittier blockbusters it inadvertently hatched, Jurassic Park is chock-o-block with memorable moments. Stuff like the ripples in the water cup as the T-Rex approaches, or the entire raptors-in-the-kitchen sequence, which is a study in tension on par with anything.
Early on in the film, when Dern, Neil, Goldblum, and co. reach Isla Nublar and see the first dinosaur, their heads pan up as they take it in, astonished by how big and real it looks. It was the same thing seeing these dinosaurs in theatres and again and again on video. And if you’re susceptible to that thing called “movie magic,” Jurassic Park can instill the same slack-jawed wonder.

Also Unspooling…

Little Rock
The Projection Booth (1035 Gerrard Street East)
Tuesday, August 9, 7 p.m.

One of the more delightful indie flicks we’ve seen this year, Mike Ott’s Little Rock has found its way to the new Projection Booth. The story of a Japanese brother and sister duo, Rintaro (Rintaro Sawamoto) and Atsuko (co-writer Atsuko Okatsuka), stranded in a podunk California town, Little Rock possesses a sweetness and sincerity that doesn’t come down the pike all too often. Writing about it in April, we said: “Ott’s films proves that Americans are still making real-deal indie films, not just ‘indie’ films distributed by major studios that serve as yet another opportunity for Paul Giamatti to struggle into a pair of unflattering khakis and shove his schlubby mug around the screen.” And we stand by that! So check it out if you haven’t seen it.

Moonstruck
TIFF Bell Lightbox (350 King Street West)
Thursday, August 11, 7 p.m.
Nowadays, people seem to think that Nicolas Cage is some kind of joke. A high-minded, meta-joke, maybe. But a joke nonetheless. Besides this being bullshit (did anyone even see Drive Angry 3-D?!), it also discredits all the time Nicolas Cage spent not baiting people into thinking he’s a joke. Like Moonstruck, which is playing as part of the Lightbox’s tribute to Norman Jewison. And besides Cage being totally charming in his wooing of Cher, it also has John “Marty Crane” Mahoney putting the moves on Olympia Dukakis. And it won a mess of Oscars, if that’s your metric for a film’s quality. Besides all the Academy Awards, though, Moonstruck is a prime example of first-stage Cage, before he’d mutate into an action star and then meta-mutate into a wingnut crazy person.

The Underground Peepshow Presents: Marvelesque
The Underground (186 Spadina Avenue)
Friday, August 12, 9 p.m.

It’s cool that besides really making a name for themselves as an essential Toronto rep cinema (if not the essential Toronto rep cinema), the Underground has also become a hotbed for steamy burlesque. Like that Holy Boobies, Batman! event that happened a while ago. Or this, Marvelesque, a Marvel Comics–themed burlesque cavalcade. Heck, without the Underground, we probably wouldn’t even know that Toronto has such a rich burlesque culture. And what’s better than comics-themed burlesque? Nothing, we wage. All the spandex and disproportionately-sized relevant body parts are already there. Babes in Hulk-hands! What more do you want! All your confused, cross-wired adolescent sexual fantasies are coming true, live on stage!

“Burlesque” in the sense we’re talking about here is a vaudeville-era term used to describe a particular type of stage show characterized by bawdy humour and striptease. Most people who know of it these days are probably showtunes fans or close relatives of showtunes fans, because the last remaining mainstream documentary evidence of the genre is the musical Gypsy.
But there is something to be said for going out and seeing what’s left of the real thing. What you miss by watching the fictionalized version of the (relatively tame) 1930s version of burlesque represented in Gypsy is the guy whose stage name is Evil Hate Monkey, and who wears fake monkey ears, a waxed moustache, and a banana peel on his dick.
There was also a performer named Olive-or-Oliver who came out on stage in pink pajamas and a bib and started doing a hula-hoop routine with eyes wide and mouth agape, toward the end of which she was wearing only the bib and a tiny rubber penis attached to a g-string so minimal it could have been made of fishing line.
The whole thing was hosted by a trio of performers who go by Sexy Mark Brown, Wry, and Ginger. Wry and Ginger, a girl/guy duo, were dressed Pierre and Margaret Trudeau, and Brown was John A. Macdonald. Together, they did comedy routines. All this mocking of ultra-serious national legends between spates of bouncing body parts seemed pretty burlesquey to us, but was it authentic?
In the audience was one person whose opinion on that score wasn’t informed only by Broadway, a woman named April March, who is now 76 years old, but who was once known as the “first lady of burlesque,” because, when she was younger, she looked like Jackie Onasis. (We saw a picture, and it’s true.) She began performing, she said, in 1952. Here is her review of the show:
“There’s a lot of old style, but then there’s a lot of new style that they didn’t do back then,” she said. “And back then, they didn’t have tattoos.”
For information on Canadian burlesque throughout the year check out Great Canadian Burlesque.

Photos by Dean Bradley/Torontoist.