So if tomorrow is Orthodox Christmas, does that make today Orthodox Festivus? Where's a priest when you need one? Oh well, here's the news: City staff recommend against cutting school nutrition programs, no $5 increase on Toronto hydro bills, striking York Region Transit workers to vote on their newest contract offer, and the feds freeze Saadi Gaddafi's Toronto penthouse (not literally).

By Brendan Ross • Illustration by Brian McLachlanJan. 6th, 8:00 am

We're four days into the new year. At this point, only wieners are still sticking to their resolutions. In the news: a municipal labour disruption is starting to look more likely, hospital CEO contract disclosures reveal some exorbitant perks, Doug Ford declares war on his own free parking pass, and maybe gondolas aren't such a bad transit strategy after all.

By Brendan Ross • Illustration by Brian McLachlanJan. 4th, 8:00 am

This Friday, why not take New Year's Eve out for a test drive? In the news: bedbug infestations are up, the love locks on Humber Bridge can't be stopped, even more charity races will be running on city streets this spring, and Rob Ford has some problems with 911.

By Brendan Ross • Illustration by Brian McLachlanDec. 30th, 7:59 am

Well, that was fun. Now comes the time for sitting at work, staring blankly at your monitor and counting down the seconds until New Year's Eve. In the news today: police are fed up with people tweeting RIDE check locations, Toronto's Awesome Foundation might be expanding, and the Daily Bread Food Bank approaches its holiday goals.

By Brendan Ross • Illustration by Brian McLachlanDec. 28th, 8:00 am

Welcome to a very special Festivus edition of the Newsstand. It's mostly going to involve the Airing of Grievances, so here we go: businesses struggle to receive compensation for the G20, the city looks to increase fines for illegal curbside parkers, the 'Toronto.xxx' domain has been bought up, and dog owners win the right to challenge the closing of an off-leash park.

By Brendan Ross • Illustration by Brian McLachlanDec. 23rd, 8:00 am

The bad news is the shortest day of the year still has 24 hours. The good news is you won't feel so bad about drinking early. Now here's some other news: Mayor Rob Ford might be losing the support of council's swing voters, and also does some year-end interviews, Presto card problems leave users with a little less cashish, the number of G20 cases dropped is up, and charities need your help this holiday season.

By Brendan Ross • Illustration by Brian McLachlanDec. 21st, 8:00 am

Ah Friday, the day whose name is chanted more often than it's spoken. In the news: scheduling changes could save millions from the police budget, the mayor wants to cut some of the land transfer tax in 2012, the City's outside workers' union says it won't strike in January, and new details emerge in a heritage building arson case.

By Brendan Ross • Illustration by Brian McLachlanDec. 16th, 8:00 am

Look out, week, here comes Wednesday! In today's news: the City looks at outsourcing shelters, the new cost of killing Transit City is estimated at $65 million, the TTC won't lower service on its busiest routes next year, and the bells at Old City Hall will keep ringing.

By Brendan Ross • Illustration by Brian McLachlanDec. 14th, 8:00 am

Friday is like the uncle who always sends you $50 on your birthday. It might be the same thing every time, but it's always awesome. In the news: Doug Ford wants the public to do the government's job, libraries might cut their literacy programs and reduce book acquisitions, Karen Stintz says no to a 15-cent TTC fare hike, and Mike Del Grande fights for your kids.

By Brendan Ross • Illustration by Brian McLachlanDec. 9th, 8:00 am

Take a look at our Newsstand, it's the only one we got. Not much of a Newsstand, but here it is anyway: The City plans to privatize road maintenance and make parents pay more for daycare, the assault on pop culture in libraries continues, sod growers team up to re-plant St. James Park, and a dirty little secret about the waterfront redevelopment comes to light.

By Brendan Ross • Illustration by Brian McLachlanDec. 7th, 8:00 am

It's December 2. Are those sugarplums in your head dancing yet? Perhaps some news will get them grooving: the list of pools and arenas the City wants to close is revealed, Ford says he's doing God's amalgamation's work by laying off City employees, council says no to shooting ranges, and a supposed animal rights group threatens Chinese businesses.

By Brendan Ross • Illustration by Brian McLachlanDec. 2nd, 8:00 am

Five Advent chocolates eaten and December hasn't even started yet. At this rate, it's going to be a quick month. Here's the news: city councillors come together to save environment days but budget woes continue nonetheless, Toronto's fire department needs to be quicker in responding to emergencies, and the GTA isn't a very safe place to drive.

By Brendan Ross • Illustration by Brian McLachlanNov. 30th, 8:00 am

Happy Tuesday! It's... oh, damn it. Those discount calendars seemed like a good deal at the time. Well, here's the news: The city's ombudsman wants changes at children's services, another consulting firm suggests library cuts, backyard chickens could become a reality, and the zoo has set a date for its elephants to be moved.

By Brendan Ross • Illustration by Brian McLachlanNov. 25th, 8:00 am

Wipe away those tears, because Wednesday's here. In the news today: Police move in to dismantle Occupy Toronto, the head of the City's environment committee has an interesting take on climate change, Pickering joins Toronto in banning shark fins, and Toronto's condos are on the rise.

By Brendan Ross • Illustration by Brian McLachlanNov. 23rd, 8:00 am

It's the moment you've been waiting for all week, and now you get to sleep right through it. That's the beauty of the weekend. Here's some news for whenever you feel like it: Occupy Toronto has its day in court, the Toronto District School Board will hold by-elections for new trustees, and the Toronto Zoo could be in deep trouble if its elephants go to California.

By Brendan Ross • Illustration by Brian McLachlanNov. 19th, 10:14 am

We've got to say, you're getting a great deal on this Friday. No, rust-proofing is extra. But it does come with some free news: the decision on whether the City can evict Occupy Toronto has been pushed back to Monday, the Premier joins the call for balls in the schoolyard, police raids on a drug ring targeted some innocent people too, and zookeepers want council to change its mind on the fate of the Toronto Zoo's elephants.

By Brendan Ross • Illustration by Brian McLachlanNov. 18th, 8:00 am

It's Wednesday, and we'd rather be fishing. Even in this weather. Yeah, it's that kind of Wednesday. In the news: occupiers want to evict Rob Ford, the province supports ending the Ontario Municipal Board, a school bans balls, and Caledon secures an equestrian venue for the Pan Am Games, but residents aren't happy.

By Brendan Ross • Illustration by Brian McLachlanNov. 16th, 8:00 am

Today is 11-11-11, and that only means two things, both of which go by the name of "Animal Crackers." In the news today: the City could try to evict Occupy Toronto by next week, fluoride stays in Toronto's water, a study shows ticketing panhandlers isn't effective after all, and the rest of Canada hates our guts.

By Brendan Ross • Illustration by Brian McLachlanNov. 11th, 8:00 am

It's Wednesday morning, so sit back, have some coffee and enjoy the 10 minutes of daylight before the sun starts setting. In case you get bored, here's some news: Big trouble at little Occupy Toronto as the city may look to evict the camp and a man allegedly overdoses in the park, a new bargaining proposal makes a City employee work stoppage all the more likely, and councillors want to scrap the Ontario Municipal Board.

By Brendan Ross • Illustration by Brian McLachlanNov. 9th, 8:00 am

It's Saturday! Enjoy this last day before the clocks turn back tomorrow. In today's news: Toronto's traffic could turn apocalyptic by 2031, City staff is recommending a hike in tow truck costs, gay penguins at the Toronto Zoo, Rob Ford is "continuing" his commitment to respecting taxpayers, and someone's not happy about the shark fin ban.

By Brendan Ross • Illustration by Brian McLachlanNov. 5th, 10:05 am

To all you who woke up this morning thinking it was Saturday, we feel your soul-crushing pain, and offer today's news as a consolation: Toronto might have to close 400 day cares by 2014, the City blows $5 million on a garbage truck yard, councillors take the first step toward east-west downtown bike lanes, and the drama plays on at the Toronto Zoo.

By Brendan Ross • Illustration by Brian McLachlanNov. 4th, 8:00 am

It's the first Wednesday in November, which means it's totally fine to start lamenting every leaf that falls to the ground. But before you get too existential, here's the news: Toronto Hydro has been spared from sale for now, Rob Ford is still figuring out how to deal with Occupy Toronto, library branches will not be cut, and police charge the guy who stole that truck the other day.

By Brendan Ross • Illustration by Brian McLachlanNov. 2nd, 8:00 am

A good Friday is like a checkered flag flapping at the end of a race. Flap on, dear Friday. Here's the news: Ford is in even hotter water over the profanities in his 911 call, some downtown residents call for the end of Occupy Toronto, Ontario will get more seats in the House of Commons, and Pride Toronto gets a new executive director.

By Brendan Ross • Illustration by Brian McLachlanOct. 28th, 8:00 am

Oh Wednesday, you came and you rained and you brought us some news: council bans shark fins across Toronto, the zoo's elephants have a date with a California sanctuary, council wants to license movers, and Ford wants to sell 10 per cent of Toronto Hydro.

By Brendan Ross • Illustration by Brian McLachlanOct. 26th, 8:00 am

Try as they might, those grey clouds and that vicious hangover just can't dampen the incredible power of Saturday. In the news: some honest feedback for Rob Ford almost a year into his mayoralty, paramedics are totally cool with being made an essential service, police identify a suspect in the Nuit Blanche shooting, and mountain bikers weigh in on a new course in High Park.

By Brendan Ross • Illustration by Kyra KendallOct. 22nd, 10:00 am

Boom! Crash! Zap! It's an action- and onomatopoeia-packed Friday. Smash! Here's the news: Frances Nunziata wants cyclists licensed, rats party at Pusateri's, Rob Ford skips his own lunch (but don't worry, he probably got a hot dog), and the zoo might have a place for its elephants.

By Brendan Ross • Illustration by Kyra KendallOct. 21st, 8:00 am

Today is one of those rare Wednesdays that taunts you by looking like the world is going to end, but never quite following through. Oh well, here's the news: city councillors muse on creating a bank of Toronto and removing some of the mayor's power, some drivers with disabilities take advantage of Toronto's parking system, and the feds won't lend a hand to the Toronto Zoo.

By Brendan Ross • Illustration by Kyra KendallOct. 19th, 8:00 am

It's been so long since we've had one of those great ominous Fridays, we were starting to forget the feeling. Here's the news: Mammoliti protests the city getting more massage parlours, shark fins are one step closer to a city-wide ban, and a Toronto real estate firm avoids being the big, bad wolf at the Occupy Wall Street protests.

By Brendan Ross • Illustration by Kyra KendallOct. 14th, 7:59 am

This is the kind of Wednesday you want to bring home so your parents can put in on the fridge. In the news today: a city councillor fights for the right to snack for free, the land transfer tax brings in a boatload of money for the city, a citizen calls on police not to be jerks at Occupy Toronto this weekend, and someone wants to buy the Toronto Zoo.

By Brendan Ross • Illustration by Kyra KendallOct. 12th, 8:00 am

This is it. It's the weekend you're going to get fit. And one and two and three and... Oh, forget it, let's make a few Irish coffees and read the news. Today: lots of stories to fight the post-election blues, Mayor Rob Ford renews his calls for TTC funding, the TDSB is looking at new ways to prevent students from dropping out, and the mayor's arts task force wants to know what to do with three city-owned theatres.

By Brendan Ross • Illustration by Kyra KendallOct. 8th, 10:00 am

Either the world is red, blurry, and head-poundingly painful or our post-election hangovers are kicking in. In the news today: it's a Liberal minority government in Ontario but Toronto is resoundingly red, City staff don't think the sale of shark fins should be banned, Halton police and the OPP go back to driver's ed, and protests at Pearson come to a close.

By Brendan Ross • Illustration by Kyra KendallOct. 7th, 8:00 am

If you ever wonder why the expression, "Thank God it's Wednesday" never caught on, the proof is right here in today's news: Giorgio Mammoliti wants to open up the "province of Toronto" debate, the TTC breaks its single-day ridership record, a civilian G20 review is oh so close to being ready, Rob Ford maybe breaks the law, and, man, Toronto's got a lot of new highrises.

By Brendan Ross • Illustration by Kyra KendallOct. 5th, 8:00 am

Always remember, Friday is just Monday minus 72 hours. How's that for pessimism? In the news: Mayor Rob Ford backs out of the political endorsements game, the TTC wants the public's help in naming new subway stations, and another city councillor turns her back on the mayor.

By Brendan Ross • Illustration by Kyra KendallSep. 30th, 7:59 am

Ah, Wednesday. No week is complete without it. In today's news: Yesterday's cuts will save the city $27.7 million; Ontario's political leaders ducked, weaved, and thoughtfully read scripted lines at last night's debate; and Toronto gets slammed as a lousy sports city yet again.

By Brendan Ross • Illustration by Kyra KendallSep. 28th, 8:00 am

By the time many of you read this, it will be fall. Are we even allowed to get excited about Fridays now? Here's the news anyway: the City accepts two free nurses it previously didn't want, Miller slams Ford and city council's mushy middle, and six small businesses at Downsview Park face eviction.

By Brendan Ross • Illustration by Kyra KendallSep. 23rd, 8:00 am

Today is Wild Wednesday. Apologies to all of you who assumed it was Wacky Wednesday, please try again next week. In the news: Ford and Atwood meet at last, Waterfront Toronto will take the reins of the Port Lands redevelopment after all, and city councillors want you to give the city more money if you've got it.

By Brendan Ross • Illustration by Kyra KendallSep. 21st, 8:00 am

It may not be a complete Ford Friday, but there sure is a lot of Ford in today's news: the mayor says employees are the real gravy at City Hall, a poll shows most Torontonians don't support city service cuts, and two more councillors turn away from the mayor's vision for the Port Lands.

By Brendan Ross • Illustration by Kyra KendallSep. 16th, 8:00 am