Yes, it is already Thursday, and you are not losing your mind. Stay anchored to reality with some news: delayed Port Lands report raises casino questions, parents of teen killed by a TTC bus sue police and transit commission, Conrad Black's night on the town, St. Lawrence Market's old supervisor not going away silently, and Schoolhouse shelter shutdown.

By Sarah-Joyce Battersby • Illustration by Brian McLachlanMay. 24th, 8:00 am

Slap some aloe on that shoulder burn (that you deserve for getting too ambitious with the tank tops so early in the season) and get back to business, it's Tuesday now. In the news: royal tour trots on, the City says no to turning Woodbine into soccer central over Canada Day, U of T's neighbours don't want a new private student residence in the 'hood, YWCA opens housing for women, and more robocalls in Etobicoke Centre.

By Sarah-Joyce Battersby • Illustration by Brian McLachlanMay. 22nd, 8:00 am

Thursday is a sure day to give myrrh, hey? Or just some news will do: Police watchdog releases G20 report, plans to fix the Gardiner Expressway, plans to tear down the Gardiner Expressway, and a vigil for Ralph Bissonnette.

By Sarah-Joyce Battersby • Illustration by Brian McLachlanMay. 17th, 8:10 am

Sure, Tuesday, keep trying to convince us kale chips are just as good as potato chips. Sure. Let's focus on the news instead: RCMP found not responsible for G20 mess-ups, GO Transit will soon refund some fares on late trips, Queers Against Israeli Apartheid will march in Pride, executive committee votes to abolish the five-cent bag fee, more casino talk, and more cuts at the TDSB.

By Sarah-Joyce Battersby • Illustration by Brian McLachlanMay. 15th, 8:00 am

Oh Thursday, someone should write a song about you. In the meantime, some news to fill the void: no charges for Toronto Star reporter who was caught reporting by the mayor, city council allows guns on City property, new protections for condo owners, the cost of fixing St. Clair, and educated cabbies.

By Sarah-Joyce Battersby • Illustration by Brian McLachlanMay. 10th, 8:00 am

There's no Tuesday like show-Tuesday, like no Tuesday we know! In the news-day this Tuesday: what to do with all the budget surplus, RoFo celebrates World Press Freedom Week, TCHC has a new CEO, the CBC is looking for new neighbours, and the Gardiner Expressway is falling apart.

By Sarah-Joyce Battersby • Illustration by Brian McLachlanMay. 8th, 8:00 am

Saturday is back, everyone! Saturday has come again! Thanks for stopping by, Saturday. In Saturday news: why the rise of bicycle-car collisions on Jarvis could be a good thing, the public's role in the mayor's park purchase, disabled couple will keep their baby, Conrad Black is home, roads will be closed, and the moon will be big.

By Sarah-Joyce Battersby • Illustration by Brian McLachlanMay. 5th, 10:00 am

Thursday doesn't care if Nutella doesn't count as a part of a healthful breakfast anymore, it's still gonna eat it all the time, so there. In the hazlenutty news: the mayor charges at a reporter in a park and then calls the cops on him, food trucks in parking lots, a new Whole Foods planned, closing the Allen Expressway, pushing through the anti-bullying legislation, and one about Occupy.

By Sarah-Joyce Battersby • Illustration by Brian McLachlanMay. 3rd, 8:00 am

If you woke up this Tuesday morning with a P!nk song in your head, we are so very sorry. Here, try to flush that out by cramming some news in your noggin: Elephant transfer is held up by confusion and paperwork, TTC audit reveals they're not perfect, health board rejects call to lower speed limits, and the mayor might raise property taxes after all.

By Sarah-Joyce Battersby • Illustration by Brian McLachlanMay. 1st, 8:00 am

Like moths to a flame, so too news to a Thursday. Engulf yourself in some: a plan for regional road tolls to fund transit, some figures on TTC delays, extra money found at City Hall, G20 activist plans to sue, and a scammer is targeting desperate apartment seekers.

By Sarah-Joyce Battersby • Illustration by Brian McLachlanApr. 26th, 8:00 am

It's Tuesday, the day you convince yourself you're just not adequately hydrated to go to hot yoga, again. Stay home and read this temperate news instead: a proposal to lower speed limits, U of T joins a new urban research centre in Brooklyn, city council's mushy middle planning to plan some policy, and a condo proposal for a downtown church.

By Sarah-Joyce Battersby • Illustration by Brian McLachlanApr. 24th, 8:00 am

How many Saturdays would a Saturday Saturday if a Saturday could Saturday Saturday? Five. In the news: search continues for missing teen, drivers support more tolls and taxes if the money goes toward transit, Yonge Street road closures this weekend, the future of the land transfer tax, Rob Ford's approval rating goes up, and what to do with the five-cent bag fee.

By Sarah-Joyce Battersby • Illustration by Brian McLachlanApr. 21st, 10:00 am

If Tuesday were a flower, it would be an okay one that we all agreed to feel sort of indifferent about. But what Tuesday lacks in beauty, it makes up for in news: the city's first case of rabies since 1931, Queen's Park says no to local service on the Air-Rail Link, City Hall mail is getting the fancy treatment, and MGM Resorts International have their sights set on a new Toronto casino.

By Sarah-Joyce Battersby • Illustration by Brian McLachlanApr. 17th, 8:00 am

Much like Toronto's own Drake, Thursday will be there for you, there for you, something about pillow cases, non sequitur about big girls, there for you. In the news for you: council votes to hold control of contracting out cleaners, celebrating the Summit Series, a crackdown on traffic violations, actually singing "O, Canada" in schools, ladies dressed in lettuce, and cuts at the TDSB.

By Sarah-Joyce Battersby • Illustration by Brian McLachlanApr. 12th, 8:00 am

Tuesday just wants to be your friend. So stop fighting it and let the idea of being friends with a day get less weird. Some news may help: Metrolinx releases details on their evaluation of council's LRT plan, the Jays lose in first game at home, the Maple Leafs blame themselves for losing, good news for the High Park Zoo, and donations are down at the Daily Bread.

By Sarah-Joyce Battersby • Illustration by Brian McLachlanApr. 10th, 8:00 am

Ah, the Saturday of a long weekend, a day to revel in disorientation and just go with it. Some news to ground you: Occupy Toronto protesters make a few demands, U of T president gives some business-y reasons to love Toronto, some facts about the St. Clair right-of-way, more aggressive coyotes, and less GO buses for the summer.

By Sarah-Joyce Battersby • Illustration by Brian McLachlanApr. 7th, 10:03 am

What's news got to do, got to do with it, you say? What's news, but a sweet old-fashioned notion, you ask? It's important, is what! So listen up: a casino referendum, job cuts at the TDSB, home prices and sales are up, police go digging in Byron Sonne's backyard, and sports leagues may get a pass on new fees.

By Sarah-Joyce Battersby • Illustration by Brian McLachlanApr. 5th, 8:00 am

Like Brad Pitt wandering in the desert, you might be asking, What's in the box? Well we'll tell you what's in the box, it's news: crackdown on unleashed dogs in full effect; CUPE president is quitting unions, considering a run at city council; sports leagues try to defer extra fees; Regent Park residents rally around their neighbourhood; debit and credit at the TTC; and cheap gas takes us on a trip down memory lane.

By Sarah-Joyce Battersby • Illustration by Brian McLachlanApr. 3rd, 8:00 am

Let today be one of those Saturday's when you sing Bob Marley in your head and don't look outside. Also, read some news: Some councillors consider a run for mayor, Occupy protesters arrested, supporters of the St. Clair Right-of-Way hope science will prove them right, City turns down offer for new High Park playground, and the mayor's executive committee loses one member.

By Sarah-Joyce Battersby • Illustration by Brian McLachlanMar. 31st, 10:02 am

If Thursday was a spy novel, it'd probably have a lot of propeller planes and scotch and sodas. But it's not a spy novel; it's just a day, full of news, like this: half of CUPE Local 79 accepts City's final offer, librarians to vote today on a deal, the hubbub over Regent Park condos, Rob Ford apologizes, and when geese attack.

By Sarah-Joyce Battersby • Illustration by Brian McLachlanMar. 29th, 8:00 am

Sure it's Thursday, but it's also Elvis Stojko's birthday. And we all know that's way more important. In the news this blessed day: subway versus LRT debate lives on, subway closures this weekend, warm winter may mean buggy summer, judge questions gang expert's tattoo knowledge, and graffiti prevention tactics in Mississauga.

By Sarah-Joyce Battersby • Illustration by Brian McLachlanMar. 22nd, 8:00 am

So Spring is saying it's just getting here today, but we're pretty sure it's lying. In the news this spring Tuesday: the NDP win in Toronto-Danforth by-election, the day before LRT vs. subway council meeting councillors still haven't seen subway funding plan, City's inside workers hold a strike vote today, and SIU cleared of any wrongdoing but questions arise.

By Sarah-Joyce Battersby • Illustration by Brian McLachlanMar. 20th, 8:00 am

Is it just Thursday, or did Andy Dick look kind of attractive on '90s sitcom NewsRadio? Must be Thursday. In today's non-radio news: Karen Stintz wants to officially shutter the Sheppard subway planning group, poll shows everyone likes librarians ahead of potential labour disruption, TCHC in hot water over spending again, a tale of two Paul Magders, and research monkeys at U of T.

By Sarah-Joyce Battersby • Illustration by Brian McLachlanMar. 15th, 8:00 am

Ain't no Tuesday like the one we got. No one can news you better. In the news: Byford is the new permanent boss of the TTC; city councillors don't want a casino in their backyards; cleaning the dirt at the Port Lands; Dick Cheney cancels Toronto appearance; opossums: so hot right now; and Fashion Week begins.

By Sarah-Joyce Battersby • Illustration by Brian McLachlanMar. 13th, 8:00 am

Friday once again rushes into the open arms that have been awaiting its arrival for longer than it can even know. In the news: more accusations of dirty tricks in Eglinton-Lawrence, the Prime Minister's in town, the commission in charge of finding funding for the Sheppard subway can't even fund its own paycheques, the mayor's a radio hit, and new smoking bans may soon be in effect.

By Sarah-Joyce Battersby • Illustration by Brian McLachlanMar. 9th, 8:00 am

Is it taco night or what? In lieu of shredded lettuce and zesty salsa, some Thursday-flavoured news: a woman deters possible kidnapping in Parkdale, Doug Ford's not sure what his job is, high fees threaten city sports leagues, an unclaimed pig, and some transit news.

By Sarah-Joyce Battersby • Illustration by Brian McLachlanMar. 8th, 8:47 am

Tuesday, Tuesday, so good to us. And you come along complete with news and all: city council rejigs the TTC board, leaves Karen Stintz in the Chair's chair; Giorgio Mammoliti has an idea; Steve of Steve's Music passes away; the future of propane tank recycling in Ontario; and racism at the Toronto Jail.

By Sarah-Joyce Battersby • Illustration by Brian McLachlanMar. 6th, 8:00 am

Forget about the lousy Smarch weather and enjoy a hot cup of news: Rob Ford talks up subways to developers, talks down the vehicle registration tax that he may need to pay for them; a newer, bigger TTC board; the mayor is good at a thing; a new subway station for Vaughan; and does the CUPE president still have a job?

By Sarah-Joyce Battersby • Illustration by Brian McLachlanMar. 1st, 8:00 am

Sometimes it's hard to believe that Tuesday has the guts to show up again. But showed up it has, and with it some news: ideas for protecting TTC workers in the wake of Sunday's shooting, Ryerson to get a new residence, new TDSB trustees elected by a few people, Toronto Zoo's orangutans may soon have better stuff than you do, and the final years of Degrassi's Neil Hope.

By Sarah-Joyce Battersby • Illustration by Brian McLachlanFeb. 28th, 8:02 am

Thursday to bed, Thursday to rise, makes a Thursday the thing that's happening right now. In the news: Queen's Park finally gets around to repealing the G20 secret law, Rob Ford's inner circle admits subways may not be coming anytime soon, a Canadian movie premieres amidst poster scandal, and the future of blacksmithing in Ontario.

By Sarah-Joyce Battersby • Illustration by Brian McLachlanFeb. 23rd, 8:00 am

Not gonna lie, this Tuesday is shaping up to be a bit of a bummer. It's no longer the weekend, so say goodbye to all that and let's get on with it: Karen Stintz is really not looking forward to today's special TTC meeting, the SIU is being called in again, pinball players breaking all the rules, talking about a new look for the Toronto Coach Terminal, and protesting horse-eating.

By Sarah-Joyce Battersby • Illustration by Brian McLachlanFeb. 21st, 8:00 am

If the prospect of Family Day stirs up panicked memories, never fear; here's some weekend news to spread some cheer: TTC Chief may be out of a job soon, research monkeys are definitely out of a job at U of T, sale of many TCHC houses is delayed, the mayor is found to have some integrity, and Family Day fun.

By Sarah-Joyce Battersby • Illustration by Brian McLachlanFeb. 18th, 10:11 am

It's time to slather on the ChapStick and get out into that big old world! It is Thursday, after all. In the news: Mayor continues to ignore convincing evidence of his wrongness on the Sheppard subway plan, Karen Stintz makes her reality TV debut, concern for municipal cleaning staff, trying to teach Doug Ford what money is, and Giorgio Mammoliti speaks.

By Sarah-Joyce Battersby • Illustration by Brian McLachlanFeb. 16th, 8:00 am