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culture

Televisualist: Dome Is Where the Heart Is

Each week, Torontoist examines the upcoming TV listings and makes note of programs that are entertaining, informative, and of quality. Or, alternately, none of those. The result: Televisualist.

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Well, this image sure makes The Leftovers look like a fun, happy-go-lucky television show.

Monday

Today at the World Cup: France takes on Nigeria (CBC, 11:45 a.m.), and Germany goes up against Algeria (CBC, 3:45 p.m.), and that should be it for the African nations at this World Cup, realistically speaking.

Under the Dome returns for another season of domes! In this season, it turns out that, in the end, the real dome … was humanity. (Global, 10 p.m.)


Tuesday

Today at the World Cup: Argentina will, in all likelihood, stomp a hole in Switzerland, because they have Lionel Messi, and the Swiss, well, don’t (CBC, 11:45 a.m.). And then the USA takes on Belgium, which should prove trying for Americans looking for anti-Belgium slurs—our advice is to stick to “frites are unhealthy” and “the EU is bureaucratically inept” and leave it at that. (CBC, 3:45 p.m.)

Hey! It’s Canada Day! Which means you can watch Canada Day in the Capital, which will have recordings of Canada Day concerts from all over the country. Probably Sam Roberts will be around somewhere. He usually is. (CBC, 9 p.m.)

Drunk History returns for another season of drunken retellings of history that won’t be as fun as the original podcast was. (Much, 10 p.m.)


Wednesday

Unstoppable was a fun little action movie—the late Tony Scott’s last—and like most Tony Scott films, it is stylized as all get out in terms of direction but has a decent story and performances to go along with it. In this case, Chris Pine and Denzel Washington desperately try to stop a runaway train. A worthy diversion. (Bravo, 9 p.m.)


Thursday

If you haven’t been watching Here Comes Honey Boo Boo (my word!), they have thoughtfully composed a clip show of the most recent season for you. Why? Because they care, and because that way they can more easily portray the family as a bunch of inbred yokels. (TLC, 9 p.m.)


Friday

Today at the World Cup: We’re into the quarterfinals now! Today, the winner of France/Nigeria plays the winner of Germany/Algeria, so let’s just go ahead and be cynical and pencil this in as being a French/German game (CBC, 11:45 p.m.). Following that, Brazil takes on Colombia in a game that will in no way reflect larger issues about South American geopolitics (CBC, 3:45 p.m.).

NBC proves that 30 Rock was terrifyingly prescient as it airs Macy’s 4th of July Fireworks Spectacular. Jack Donaghy was right, people! JACK WAS RIGHT! (8 p.m.)

If you missed Dawn of the Planet of the Apes, you have the opportunity to rectify that before going to see Rise of the Planet of the Apes later this summer, because Teletoon is putting the remarkably smart sci-fi action movie on free teevee. (9 p.m.)


The Weekend

This weekend at the World Cup: The quarterfinals finish on Saturday as we see the winner of Argentina and Switzerland taking on the winner of Belgium/United States—and to be honest, whether it’s Belgium or the USA, we still think Argentina will go forward here (CBC, 11:45 p.m.). Then, tiny loveable underdog Costa Rica takes on only-here-because-of-blatant-diving-and-horrible-refereeing Netherlands, so yeah—let’s all cheer for Costa Rica in this one. (CBC, 3:45 p.m.)

The Wimbledon finals are this weekend! It’s too early to make guesses about who will be in either, since at this point most of the major seeds are still in competition, but the women’s and men’s finals are both this weekend, so … tennis! On grass! How it was meant to be played (by British people, anyway)! (TSN; women’s final, Saturday 9 a.m., and men’s final, Sunday 9 a.m.)

We didn’t review The Leftovers last week, mostly because, to be frank, it’s kind of deadly to watch: it’s smart in many ways, but even smartly written misery porn (and make no mistake, this is a show that glories in life being as horrible as possible) is still misery porn, and come on, it’s summer. Why can’t HBO just make a summer TV show about lolcats or something? Everybody loves lolcats. (HBO Canada, Sunday, 10 p.m.)

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