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politics

The Rob and Doug Ford Web Show Recap: Fan Fiction Edition

First there was a radio show, and then a one-episode TV show. Now Rob and Doug Ford have a YouTube show. We watch so you don't have to.

rob doug ford youtube web show

It’s the Rob and Doug Ford show! On YouTube that is, because every day is really the Rob and Doug Ford show. The campaign season is heating up, with most candidates having done two debates, and people calling for details on transit funding and other vague policy ideas. But this is YouTube, the land where thinking goes to rest, and so we won’t have any of that policy nonsense.

Let’s see what Rob and Doug have to offer instead.


Letters to the Editor


0:02: Doug reads letters from “fans.” The first is from the producer of a sports talk show in San Francisco who says they all love the mayor, and who has considered moving to Toronto to vote for Rob. “Be sure to keep up Ford Nation,” the letter writer says of the YouTube show. “It’s sure to gain you votes.” Here’s the thing: When the producer of a sports talk show compliments an internationally infamous crack-smoking mayor, there’s a good chance he just wants you on his show.

0:42: The email from Anthony the sports talk producer indicates that he’s originally from Michigan. Rob marvels at how people in the United States seem to move around all the time, whereas in Canada they stay in one place. Doug explains it’s because the country is so massive and there’s job opportunities everywhere. It’s the closest Doug will come to invoking Frederick Jackson Turner.

2:28: One letter writer writes in to argue that Rob should essentially just do whatever he wants, “Shut your office blinds, grab a beer, throw your feet up on top of the desk and kick back.” Doug says Rob doesn’t do that, but then Rob adds with a grin, “I was just going to say, it’s not just one beer, so that’s a problem.” Hopefully this is a newfound self-awareness about his substance abuse, but sadly that appears unlikely.

2:40: The previous fan was from Niagara Falls, and regrets he can’t vote for Rob. Doug says, “Well, you never know, folks—maybe one day you’ll be voting for him for the provincial side.” Doug, why do you have to say things that ruin my day?

3:15: Another email asks Rob how he thinks he’ll do in the upcoming election. Spoiler: Rob thinks he’s going to win.

4:10: Rob describes his favourite meal as veal parmesan with Caesar salad on the side and some pasta with hot peppers. It’s true: this was the meal served by the caterer at his Christmas party this past December. Mind you, he then kicked me and a colleague out after we asked him to account for falsely insinuating that journalist Daniel Dale is a pedophile or peeping Tom. Weirdest Christmas party ever.


Rob Ford Does a Jamaican Accent, Again


0:15: Steve Lowe writes that he truly believes Jimmy Kimmel is a fan of Rob’s, and Doug agrees, because Jimmy told them that. Ford Nation is an irony-free zone, folks.

0:52: Lowe adds that he hopes Ford will win and set a precedent for voters separating public and personal lives. Rob agrees: “It’s true, people’s private lives are private. I haven’t been perfect, but we move on.”

1:26: Rob says he’s never missed a day of work in 14 years. This is a lie, and a bad one at that. People get sick and they miss a day here or there all the time, and it’s understandable. Additionally, Rob routinely shows up for work around 11:30 a.m. or noon, and leaves around 3:30 or 4:00 p.m. This is not the kind of attendance record to brag about.

1:43: In an email, Jack points out what Kimmel said about Rob at the end of the show: “‘You are the most wonderful mayor in the world.’ That, my friends, was worth a million dollars to Rob in his run for mayor. God bless Rob Ford.”

2:00: Doug says that they received a Ford Nation email from Jamaica, and Rob instinctively goes into his accent and says, “Ya mon!” Sarah Thomson shouldn’t have dreads, and Rob Ford shouldn’t speak like a 12-year-old who just saw Cool Runnings.

2:15: Doug says that on the next Ford Nation episode they’ll have some merchandise available for sale, like bobbleheads, shirts, and ties. Presumably this is to fund the Ford campaign, as Doug previously mused.

2:40: We hear the email from Jamaica, which says of Rob that “Jamaica loves you” and “the world needs more leaders like you.” Rob responds by doing his Jamaican accent again, because the world needs more world leaders who perform caricatures of exotic others. In the words of noted anthropologist Elena Basso, Rob Ford “is a big fucking idiot.”

And that’s the show. Rob and Doug read a bunch of emails about how great Rob is, and they agreed. It was basically a self-help show, except the host of the show was the one receiving the wondrous power of positive reinforcement. It was also an example of how the enablers of Rob’s behaviour extend beyond Doug or his closest allies on council; the likes of Steve, Jack, and Anthony demonstrate to Rob that he has a constituency to maintain exactly what he’s doing, even if that amounts to infotainment or includes destructive personal choices. If anything would help Rob Ford, it would be for the people who consider themselves part of Ford Nation to challenge him to be better rather than to offer unconditional support, but that would take a level of humility and self-awareness on the mayor’s part, traits sorely lacking in the chief magistrate.

Three out of five geography lessons.

Thanks for reading, and God bless you, Raccoon Nation.

Comments

  • AllanG

    I’m so glad that you’re watching this drivel so that we don’t have to.

  • Bumbaclot

    Good recap. I listened to the whole thing, and my only quibble is you didn’t emphasize enough just how stupid these two goons are.

    • JeffMc2000

      Downvote (if we could still do that) for breaking character.

      • Bumbaclot

        That bit’s only for the Sun.

        Although it’s surprising how many Sun commenters I see on this site.

        • JeffMc2000

          But I love it so! I see the picture and name and I get excited.:-)

        • Jon haggis

          You are tooo kind to those mutts

        • Jon haggis

          They are more stubbornly obtuse than their supreme leader, trolling them is hard work

          • topogigio007

            So here you are spreading more BS. The police budget phuckhead last year was 10.9% or $1.021Billion of the total operating budget. You are completely useless and don’t know if you are punched or bored.

          • Jon haggis

            Ha you should watch blood pressure fatty, going to have a heart attack!!!

          • topogigio007

            Don’t worry about me old man. Watch your not near anyone when farting from your mouth. lol

          • Jon haggis

            Ok, I have to admit I was wrong about you, you can read when properly motivated by your hatred for someone like me. Excellent! Your numbers are not fiction, please allow me to apologize: 10.8% police on 9 bil budget is in fact laser accurate, so I withdraw some of my more offensive things I said to you, good job, I have more respect for you than I thought I would.
            I think we would both agree: only 39% of the operating budget comes from residential property taxes, the rest from fed and provincial transfers, user fees, earnings on investments and earnings from city run agencies. So the point is that the 900000 for the police budget is not drawn equally from all the income sources: it is formula that is weighted more heavily on the property taxes: roughly 25%.
            I believe that this is a good thing, I support all of our city sevice personnel, incl cops/fire/ems/teachers etc, and am happy to see my tax dollars working to create a rich city.
            Perhaps this is where we disagree, but I have calmed down enough to tell you that I respect your right to a different opinion.

          • Jon haggis

            Btw: don’t know what punched means, but definitely bored. Cannot believe that this is my life, trolling message boards….wtf

          • Jon haggis

            You are the closest thing to a date I have had on a Saturday night for a long time topogigio….. Thanks

          • topogigio007

            Better than being a leaf fan.

          • Jon haggis

            Now that is funny,ha

    • Jon haggis

      Not clear: does Doug think USA is a larger land surface than Canada? Wtf

  • bobloblawbloblawblah

    “Rob marvels at how people in the United States seem to move around all the time, whereas in Canada they stay in one place. ”

    Perhaps the Mayor of Toronto should do less drugs. There are a great deal of people living in this city who have come from other parts of Canada(and the world). I meet them quite a lot. Where do these two buffoons get these witless notions?

    • tyrannosaurus_rek

      Maybe he should set an example and move far, far away.

    • SonuvaScrimbro

      Yeah, I really don’t know what the hell he’s going on with here. Maybe in his world, where you shuttle from your Etobicoke home to Florida condos (“6 or 7 of them, who can keep track”) and back, it looks like people here don’t move around. But I think I can name a few of my fellow East Coasters who could say a word or two about moving to other parts of the country.

    • Notcleverguy

      Well yeah, Toronto and Calgary grew at different times like wildfire because no one moved there.

    • Talbot

      Over 50% of the population of Toronto were not born in Canada. These guys are so insanely stupid that it makes my brain bleed.

      • vampchick21

        And given Rob’s preference regarding his occassional party friends, you would think he’d realize that.

    • Jon haggis

      LOL omg these guys are struggling to rub a brain cell together between them. Every time they open their mouths ! Unbelievable. That’s why he can’t do interviews, he keeps putting his foot in it

      • Squintz

        It’s like Lincoln knew these idiots were coming “Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt.”

    • Squintz

      And have they not heard of Alberta, half of Atlantic Canada is out there looking for work.

  • SonuvaScrimbro

    “Steve Lowe writes that he truly believes Jimmy Kimmel is a fan of Rob’s, and Doug agrees, because Jimmy told them that.”

    Sure Kimmel’s a fan, the same way a zoo lion is a fan of T-bone steaks. How nice the guardians of the public purse believe everything they’re told by people who tell them what they like to hear.

    • JanMac

      and expect us to believe everything they say.

  • SonuvaScrimbro

    “Rob and Doug read a bunch of emails about how great Rob is, and they agreed. It was basically a self-help show, except the host of the show was the one receiving the wondrous power of positive reinforcement. ”

    And that’s the thing I don’t get. Weren’t these YouTube videos, as amateurish as they are, once touted as a way for Ford to talk about issues that matter? We’re in the middle of an election campaign and he can’t spend a few minutes talking about the island airport, or food trucks, or transit, or anything that’s a little more important to voters than making sure Rob Ford feels good about himself? Exactly when will the people still supporting him finally clue in and realize Rob Ford is in it for Rob Ford?

    • tyrannosaurus_rek

      I think Rob sometimes forgets people are paying attention to him, which is why a few weeks into his re-election campaign he voted against Nelson Mandela and Olympians and then backtracked. If it weren’t an election year he wouldn’t have backtracked (his history of voting contrarily or against free things is a matter of public record).

  • Notcleverguy

    Watching Doug struggling to read is painful.

    • spicygarage

      Watching Doug struggling to read is painful.

  • Zach Stevenson

    I’ll echo other commentators to say thank you for keeping a watchful eye on these two asshats for us. Keep up the good work!

  • Notcleverguy

    From Dave in East St. Louis

    Notcleverguy, you are the best on-line poster I have ever read and are an inspiration to people who comment on-line everywhere. Keep up the good work and my family and I look forward to reading your opinions in the future.

    It’s just that easy.

    • SonuvaScrimbro

      But you know what’s really impressive? The fact that someone all the way over in East St. Louis thinks you’re an awesome guy. Wow! You must be the best commenter in the world, to be attracting fans from all over like that. :)

      For real, though — are we supposed to be impressed Ford gets “fan mail” from people who know jack about him other than he smokes crack and appeared on the Kimmel show? Where are all the thousands of fan letters from people right here in Toronto — you know, the people who have to live with the crap these two spew out every day?

  • fordmoreyears

    All Toronto voters know that a racist, sexist and homophobic Mayor with gangland ties is unacceptable. It is time for direct action and acts of civil disobedience against our morally corrupt ‘mayor.’

  • Steve Fleck

    The Fords are delusional. Clearly they don’t know the difference between popularity, and notoriety!

    The keep playing up the Kimmel, thing seemingly having no idea that Kimmel has made Rob look like even more of a fool.

    We also got a sneak peak at the productivity levels of Ford Nation types – just kicking back and having a beer ( or two) whenever the heck they like – just like Rob! Let’s all do that and see what kind of work get’s done!

    Good grief. Another episode of total and absolute incoherence. What is the attraction? Why do a sizable number of people still support the Fords

    • bobloblawbloblawblah

      They aren’t really paying attention. I have no other explanation.

    • mytwocentsworth

      It must be that he appeals to their inner boy-child….you know, playful, sports-loving, aw shucks boys will be boys kind of thing….as evidenced by the swarming masses at the Rogers Centre tonight. His fans seem to identify with his fun side and play down or ignore his weaknesses. It is to weep.

      • Jon haggis

        Maybe they appreciate the smoking of crack w lefty gang members on family day!

        • mytwocentsworth

          lefty?

          • Jon haggis

            Doug says: Well ya, don’t cha know they were workin fr chow campaign tryin ta extort our boy rubbie!

            Rubble:”OPP says I was a victim!” “cleared me!” “gonna kick back w some beers right now, then gonna kick back w sum crack!”

          • OgtheDim

            Given what he tried to do last night at the ACC, maybe just a few beers.

      • Jon haggis

        His fans are giant dildos like him

  • SonuvaScrimbro

    “Yeah, I do so totally have a hot girlfriend, and she thinks I’m the greatest boyfriend in the world. How’d we meet? Uh…summer camp. How come you never see her? Uh…. she lives in Alaska.”

    Yes, Robbie, read all the fan mail from San Francisco, Niagara Falls, and Timbuktu while you’re at it. I can’t think of a single reason why we shouldn’t believe that, out of a continent of 400 million people, three or four of them are moved by your story to put pen to paper.

    But you know what might be a little more convincing? Actual, non-anonymous endorsements that involve someone standing by their words. A few residents of TCHC housing that you magically repaired with your magnets would be a start, but I’m thinking more of a researcher or expert on urban issues that can say unequivocally that your approach to governance is what this city needs.

    Any time you want to throw a couple of those people our way, we’d mightily appreciate it. Until then… this need for validation by total strangers is just sad.

  • Fod_Rord

    Next week, they’ll read an email from the King of the Central African Republic, who wants to “give” Rob a million dollars to hold in his bank account. Rob: “Folks, even His Majesty trusts me with his hard earn tax dollars. I asked, after giving him my bank information, if he’ll be interested in putting that money towards the Scarboro subway, and he said ‘Sure!’. Folks, the city is booming because I’m attracting royalty.”

    • Notcleverguy

      “A prince from Nigeria e-mails Rob all the time folks” – Doug Ford

  • AllanG

    It just seems so unfair that people outside of Toronto and Canada are not allowed to vote for Rob Ford if they want to. How dare the latte drinking elites attack the basic democratic rights of Ford Nation just because Ford Nation is from outside the city.

    • JanMac

      and may it stay there.

    • wklis

      If they own or rent property in Toronto, they can vote in the Toronto election. That includes absentee landlords.

      • Jon haggis

        But must be Canadian citizen

    • MER1978

      Especially when so many from outside the city apparently funded Ford’s campaign last time.

      • dsmithhfx

        There’s a law that needs changing.

        • TheSotSays

          You’re saying then that we should be taking a look at where Chow’s campaign financing is coming from. I agree.

    • Jon haggis

      Seems strange that ding and dong think the american citizen announcer from san fran could vote for rob just by moving here

  • spicygarage

    As the snarky asides multiply with each edition, it’s obvious that the job of fact-checking the Fords for 3 years has worn you down. I feel your pain.

  • Conservative Astroturf Brigade

    Haven’t heard from them in almost a month, and all they have is 8 minutes of fan mail from people that can’t even vote in Toronto?

    If they’re so clearly out of material maybe they should just give up.

    • TheSotSays

      Unfortunately for you Turf, you can’t have it both ways.

      For a guy who the NDP claims ruined the world view of Toronto, Ford seems to get a lot of world view fan mail. And as you can see from the hockey game Rob’s 385,000 local voting fans haven’t gone anywhere.

      I’m voting for Rob Ford for mayor and against anything NDP in any other public office.

      • dsmithhfx

        “I’m voting for Rob Ford”

        Effectively voting for Chow. Smart!

        • TheSotSays

          Avoid redundancy

          • dsmithhfx

            “Avoid redundancy”

            I don’t think you can.

          • TheSotSays

            I’m voting for Rob Ford for mayor and against anything NDP in any other public office.

          • dsmithhfx

            The way the vote split in last election, a vote for joey pants was effectively a vote for Ford. For this one , a vote for Ford is effectively a vote for Chow. So yes, please vote for Ford! And tell the other losers to vote for him too. A grateful city appreciates your help!

          • TheSotSays

            Well I’m voting for Ford, no question about it. But if you expect me to worry about this vote splitting dream of yours, you should have run a decent candidate. One without a notorious record.

          • dsmithhfx

            I’m so glad you are effectively voting for Chow, and nothing can change you from doing so. I’m not sold on her as the best possible candidate, but I’m very sure she would make a far better mayor than the disgraced former mayor, who is now under police investigation — speaking of notorious records. Thanks for bringing that up!

          • TheSotSays

            I’m voting for Rob Ford for Mayor and the extermination of the NDP and Liberals elsewhere.

          • dsmithhfx

            You’re loyalty to the man, rather than what he supposedly represents but can’t accomplish, will serve Olivia Chow well in this election. Bravo! Keep smokin’ the crack!

          • TheSotSays

            This blog, you know, with its flagged comments and a general malignant rudeness towards anything not left wing socialist, is coming to be known as an accurate representation of the Toronto Branch NDP and a general warning to all outsiders who read it, of how childish these little people really are.

          • dsmithhfx

            You don’t think calling for the “extermination” of electoral opponents is likely to be regarded as intemperate? Is this an “accurate representation” of Ford’s supporters?

          • TheSotSays

            I’m sorry to disappoint you but the Ford supporters I know have an honourable objective; the simple straightforward electoral removal of NDP and Liberal Party tax plunderers from municipal politics.

          • dsmithhfx

            How is it “honourable” to support a tax-and-spend politician who is a habitual public drunk, admitted hard drug user, associates with gangbangers and thugs, and lies about it?

          • TheSotSays

            Well it seems honourable to me but I’ll have a better handle on it soon. I’ve just been over to Ryerson this morning and signed up for a free course in political Jactivism so I should have a better handle on it soon.

          • dsmithhfx
      • Conservative Astroturf Brigade

        A couple dozen fans, many that live in the 905, at a hockey game does not make 400,000.

        • TheSotSays

          I see no one lining up to get their picture taken with Chow. 905 or otherwise.

          • CYW

            Who cares about photos? There are mass murderers in jail with fan clubs. Mass murderers who get marriage proposals! Idiots with cell phones who wanna take a selfie to post on their FB page is not an indicator of good leadership.

          • TheSotSays

            That’s a very nice crazed NDP rant, well done. It’s why the NDP is about to be thrown out, across the board, in October

          • CYW

            I haven’t decided who I’m voting for in October except to say I’m NOT voting for Rob Ford. My point is that people lining up for a photo is hardly an indicator of popularity. Have you looked at the people taking selfies with Rob Ford? These are not the middle-class people to whom taxes make a difference. They are young students for the most part, not the tax base that the candidates are looking to attract.

          • TheSotSays

            In the same vane that people lining up for a photo with Rob Ford may not be to you an indicator of his electoral popularity, have you looked at the people infesting the Toronto media blogs? Look at this one for example. This ragged collection of 5 or 6 Ford hating, compulsively repetitive ranters is also not the “middle-class people” to whom taxes make a difference. And far from it.

            In fact the, the shenanigans of the NDP blog trollers has become quite a joke and has forced people like me to take a much harder look at the NDP than I did four years ago. At that time my vote for Ford was mostly a reaction against Dave Miller personally. I considered him to be useless. Now after four years of NDP council antics I’m convinced that he wasn’t alone. And that’s why I’m going to take whatever corrective action is available to me at the ballot box.

            Rob Ford is an excellent fiscal manager with a lousy team that he can’t fire himself. The voters are the only ones who can do that. Therefore I’m voting Rob Ford for Mayor and against anything NDP for council and school board. I see 2014 as a great opportunity to finally clean this mess up.

          • CYW

            Good luck with that. :o)

          • TheSotSays

            Right now the City Wards are aligned with the Federal and Provincial Ridings and we see in each of them 1 MP, 1MPP and 2 City councillors. It’s ridiculous. So I’m expecting to see a full slate of council candidates all dedicated to the proposition of cutting their numbers in half.

            The greatly reduced cost will more than pay for the subways that we deserve to have.

            So good luck dealing with that. :-)

          • Notcleverguy

            People have been getting photos with side show freaks throughout history.

          • TheSotSays

            Throughout history,for sure
            In fact I have old photos of Alexander the Great at the Circus Maximus with his Nikon Coolpix.

      • dsmithhfx

        Don’t Leafs fans support losers?

  • wklis

    The sad truth about the Fords is that people hear what the Fords and believe it without verifying and checking to see if they are facts.

    • Jon haggis

      Idea:maybe we could round everybody up who is voting ford and let him be ruler of their little fiefdom. Wait, we did have that! It was called a borough system and was working fine until Harris boned us w amalgamation. Now we have this inevitable sh:tshow w dumb and dumber