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culture

Televisualist: The Bag of Wind Commenceth

Each week, Torontoist examines the upcoming TV listings and makes note of programs that are entertaining, informative, and of quality. Or, alternately, none of those. The result: Televisualist.

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Hey, remember when people all somehow thought Rocco Rossi was a credible mayoral candidate? What were we smoking?

Monday

Have you missed Toronto Blue Jays baseball? Well, if you’re a baseball fan, that’s questionable, given that last season was disappointing, but being a Toronto sports fan means you’re probably immune to disappointment at this point. Anyway, pre-season games are here, and tonight you can watch the pre-season Jays play the pre-season Phillies, and if you missed baseball, that’s all that matters. (Sportsnet, 7 p.m.)


Tuesday

Brooklyn Nine-Nine concludes one of the strongest first seasons for a sitcom in recent memory (stronger than Community‘s was, much funnier than Parks and Rec‘s, found its footing faster than 30 Rock did, etc.) and should be back for another season next year. The truly impressive thing about this show is that it still has so much room to grow and improve, and it’s already so dead-on with its characters. Probably the best new show of the season. Hope you didn’t miss it, we guess. (City, 9:30 p.m.)

Jim Henson’s Creature Shop Challenge is a competition reality show about working at the famous special effects house—and you had us at “Jim Henson,” really. (Space, 10 p.m.)


Wednesday

The first televised Toronto mayoral debate airs today, and it begins before most people get home from work—so presumably you will miss the first half of it while you’re stuck in rush-hour hell, but we guess that it was really important for City to air that re-run of Murdoch Mysteries instead of letting people actually watch something that could have a serious impact on municipal policy. Anyway, the debate will feature John Tory, Karen Stintz, David Soknacki, Olivia Chow, and, assuming he is not on a drunken bender or in a jail cell, Rob Ford. Sarah Thomson will, presumably, attempt to storm the gates of the debate by shouting out terrible poetry at people, and we suspect that will not be too effective. Also, you can expect a lot of shouting and general lying, which is why Torontoist will be fact-checking the entire thing. (City, 5 p.m.)

Home and Garden Television’s ongoing quest to make the least relevant television show ever has now produced Caribbean Life, which is about stressed and rich American urbanites relocating to the Caribbean because it’s so relaxed and warm there. This is the first television show that has ever made us wish for more hurricanes. (10 p.m.)

Sullivan and Son returns for a second season, and on the one hand we like that it’s a sitcom featuring a mixed-race family in a realistic economic setting—and on the other hand, we wish the jokes hit. Like, if even half of them were funny, that would be a major improvement right now. (Comedy Network, 10:30 p.m.)


Thursday

March Madness continues. Today the Sweet Sixteen games commence, with twin underdogs Stanford and U of Dayton playing against one another to become the biggest underdog in the Elite Eight. Also, huge favorite Florida takes on very serious contender UCLA, and Wisconsin takes on Baylor. (CBS Sports, all day; CBS main will carry the evening games from 7 pm onward, TSN2 airs the 7-9:30 p.m. game, and TSN the 9:30 p.m. game).

Surviving Jack is another of the current trend of “it’s like The Wonder Years except not the sixties” shows; this one is set in the early nineties and is about Christopher Meloni playing a Christopher Meloni character who has to take over parenting the kids when his wife returns to law school. Meloni is clearly having a lot of fun in the pilot. We hope viewers of the show will eventually have a similar experience. (CTV, 8 p.m.)


Friday

March Madness continues, and the Canadians have been taking a beating. Both Tyler Ennis’ Syracuse team and Andrew Wiggins’ Kansas got eliminated in the round of 32 (Kansas by Stanford, and Syracuse by the University of Dayton, which is the biggest underdog story of the tournament so far). Even the undefeated-for-the-entire-season Wichita State Shockers, featuring Andrew Wiggins’ brother Nick, got downed by Kentucky (which will take on Louisville today). But some Canadians remain: Nik Stauskas and the Michigan Wolverines take on Tennessee, and Melvin Ejim and Naz Long lead Iowa State against the Connecticut Huskies. (Are Huskies even a particularly Connecticutian sort of dog? That doesn’t seem quite right.) (CBS Sports, all day; CBS main and TSN will carry the evening games from 7 pm onward).

Hey, it’s the final episode of Piers Morgan Live! We are going to go out on a limb and suggest that maybe Bette Midler will not show up to sing about how Piers Morgan is her hero and the wind beneath her wings. (CNN, 9 p.m.)

The Simpsons rerun of the week: “C.E. D’OH,” in which Homer becomes the CEO of the nuclear plant. “I will respect you working-class slobs, because we are all equal. And now, as I ascend this crystal staircase to my office, I say: avert your gaze!” (MuchMusic, 9 p.m.)


The Weekend

Hey, it’s the 2014 Juno Awards! This year’s performers include Robin Thicke, Tegan and Sara, Walk off the Earth, Classified, the Sheepdogs, and Serena Ryder—which is a extremely strong performance roster and should make for a good show, even if Celine Dion is nominated for four Junos this year. (CTV, 8 p.m. Sunday)

The Walking Dead concludes its fourth season, and we’re gonna go out on a limb here and suggest that in the season finale, somebody will get eaten by zombies. (AMC, 9 p.m. Sunday)

Comments

  • Greg Park

    I’m not a big college basketball fan so I might be wrong on this, but I believe the team mascot is the Huskies because the college is “UConn”, pronounced “Yukon”.