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culture

Televisualist: Making Other Canadian Bachelors Feel Inadequate

Each week, Torontoist examines the upcoming TV listings and makes note of programs that are entertaining, informative, and of quality. Or, alternately, none of those. The result: Televisualist.

Canada's Bachelor, Brad Smith, both terrifies and fascinates us.

Monday

TLC’s recent hit, Breaking Amish, is now facing numerous accusations that it’s fake. The backlash is based on the fact that the cast members, who were originally advertised as being Amish/Mennonites who were leaving their community for the first time, have in fact all spent time outside the Amish world before. Which is not really a major controversy given the standards of reality television, but people are, for some reason, ticked off about it. TLC’s response to this? Extended “special edition” episodes to cash in on the controversy! Because TLC is going straight to hell, you see. No, not in the “they suck” way, but rather in the more Christian sense. (8 p.m.)

The Simpsons rerun of the week: “Bart After Dark,” where Bart helps to run a burlesque parlour. Amusing now to see people being shocked at burlesque, instead of, say, hipsters lining up to parade their sexualities. “Are they talking about the bordello?” “No. The burlesque house, so keep your mouth shut.” (Comedy Network, 8:30 p.m.)


Tuesday

Raising Hope returns for what what some think will be its final season. The show trended downward in ratings over the course of its first two seasons and is now definitely in Fox’s “bubble zone.” So catch it while you can, because three seasons is definitely a longer-than-average lifespan for a critically acclaimed show on Fox. (City, 8 p.m.)

Hart of Dixie returns. We are not entirely sure how this happened, but it did. Here’s to Rachel Bilson’s continued…whatever she does! (CHCH, 8 p.m.)


Wednesday

The Bachelor Canada continues our nation’s proud tradition of doing Canadian versions of the American reality shows you hate. (Why is there no Canadian Amazing Race?) Our inaugural Canadian Bachelor is Brad Smith, a former CFL wide receiver with, we’re gonna say it, a slightly odd face. Anyway this is bad and City should feel bad for airing it. They won’t, but they should. (9 p.m.)

It’s the first U.S. Presidential Debate! Tonight, President Barack Obama and W. Mittington Romney debate domestic policy. Team Romney has kept expectations for the GOP candidate low, which is probably wise considering that at this point it seems as if anything short of throwing his podium at the moderator would be considered a better-than-average performance. (9 p.m., all American networks)

Supernatural returns for an eighth season, and at present the show seems set to go at least 10 seasons (!), because it keeps putting up decent ratings in the States and the current showrunner, Jeremy Carver, said earlier this year that he has a game plan to take the show at least to that point. Afterward, who knows. Maybe yet another showrunner will come along with yet another five-year plan and we can watch Sam and Dean kill monsters well into their mid-40s. (CHCH, 9 p.m.)


Thursday

30 Rock returns for its seventh and final season. We have no good jokes here. We’re just glad to be getting a little more 30 Rock. (City, 8 p.m.)

Jersey Shore also returns for its final season tonight, and since our feelings about this show are pretty much exactly the opposite of how we feel about 30 Rock, we have no end of jokes, but unfortunately they are all very mean-spirited and one of them involves “The Situation” having sex with a harp seal and our editors said that was going too far. (MTV Canada, 10 p.m.)


Friday

MuchMusic plays Get Him to the Greek, the not-completely-awful 2010 comedy starring Russell Brand and back-when-he-was-still-fat Jonah Hill. Given that this movie is explicitly about trying to get a rock musician to a large concert on time, it is therefore 175 per cent more about music than 60 per cent of MuchMusic’s schedule. (9 p.m.)


The Weekend

This week’s non-rerun of The Simpsons is the annual “Treehouse of Horror” episode (specifically, #23) and they have already leaked the introductory segment. Also promised: lots of jokes about the Mayan 2012 end of the world thing. (Global, 8 p.m. Sunday)

Halloween Wars returns for a second season of being “that show that does the Top Chef Halloween-themed episode but for an entire series.” We just wish it was hosted by Count Floyd. (Food Network, 10 p.m. Sunday)

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