Newsstand: September 7, 2012

Fun fact: the word "Friday" is derived from Freya, Norse goddess of love, fertility, binge drinking, and poor decision making. In the news: the Ford hearing wraps up; close, but no majority for Dalton McGuinty; and the suitcase torso is identified.

By Patrick Metzger

Should he stay or should he go? The hearing into conflict-of-interest allegations against Mayor Rob Ford wrapped up a full day early yesterday, leaving his political future up to the judge. The mayor’s defense can be summed up as follows: city council had no right to make me pay back that money so everything else is irrelevant; even if they did have that right—and I’m not saying they did!—my voting against paying back that money isn’t covered under the Municipal Conflict of Interest Act; even if that’s wrong too, you should forgive me this indiscretion because I have no idea what I’m doing. The decision will come down to deciding whether Mayor Ford was “willfully ignorant” or just normally ignorant. A world-class city indeed.

In yesterday’s two Ontario by-elections, Vaughn stayed Liberal while Kitchener-Waterloo went from blue to orange as the NDP took the seat from the Tories. The Kitchener-Waterloo race was engineered by Premier Dalton McGuinty, who gifted former Tory MPP Elizabeth Witmer a plum post running the WSIB, and a win would have given the Liberals a majority at Queen’s Park. Upon learning of the NDP victory, the premier commented “Are you kidding me? Are you f&^*ing kidding me?”

The torso found floating in a suitcase in Lake Ontario has been identified as that of Guang Hua Liu, the murdered woman whose body parts have been found around the city. Which is sad, but let’s face it, the fewer dismembered corpses that turn up, the better.

Kristen Stewart, vampire, teen idol, and celebrated adulteress, walked the red carpet last night at the TIFF premiere of On the Road, the movie destined to ruin the classic Jack Kerouac novel for countless future generations of young people. Screaming fans held up signs expressing their support for “K-Stew” in her time of personal travail, while the young star in turn forgave them for giving her a nickname that sounds like something the Marines ate at Iwo Jima.

In what the Star calls a “switcheroo,” a suspect described as dangerous walked away from a College Park courtroom after pretending to be another prisoner who was being released on bail. If you see Jacob Allen Mann, police say do not approach him or congratulate him on his successful switcherooing.