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Newsstand: August 22, 2012

Wednesday, the best day for a haircut. Michael Bryant reopens wounds with a new memoir; body parts are identified; hotshot profs get recognition beyond online ratings of their hotness; TCHC is just giving money away (but not to those that really need it); and witchcraft overtakes the CNE.

Ontario’s former attorney general, Michael Bryant, has brought himself back into the media spotlight through the death of Darcy Allan Sheppard. While being interviewed on the CBC, Bryant commented that he believes the police purposefully mishandled the investigation into how Sheppard came to be killed during an altercation that occurred between Bryant in a car and Sheppard on a bicycle. If this sounds to you like Bryant is just trying to generate publicity for his newly released memoir, you’re not alone. As Mark Pugash, the Toronto Police Services director of communications, points out, if that were the case, Bryant’s high-powered defense team would have mentioned it during the legal proceedings.

Police have identified the body parts found in Mississauga and Scarborough over the past week as belonging to a 41-year-old Scarborough woman named Hua Guang Liu. Friends last saw the single mother of three when they dropped her off at work on August 10 and reported her missing the following day. Some search warrants have been executed, but there is still no word on anyone who might be connected to the crime.

Two young Toronto academics are being honoured by MIT for their high-tech work. Ryerson University’s Hossein Rahnama does stuff with cellphones and the University of Toronto’s Joyce Poon does stuff with fibre optics and lasers. Both are 32, think Toronto is a great place to be, and will always be better than most other people at a lot of things.

Toronto Community Housing Corp. has apparently handed out a few large sums of money to top executives in the past three years. The eight former TCHC employees in question each received over $150,000 as they walked out the door of the organization to enter retirement or otherwise find something else to do. Since that door, being at the TCHC, was probably in disrepair due to a $750 million backlog in repairs needed at TCHC properties, we guess that these former employees probably just stuffed their cash into canvas bags (marked with a dollar sign) and climbed out the back window.

Lastly, and of the most urgent news, a sorcerer is working at the Canadian National Exhibit. His presence in town is surely to blame for any and all recent misfortune you may have suffered, like all the money you lost on carnival games at the CNE or the giant stuffed elephant you were cursed with carrying around for the rest of the day.

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Comments

  • Anonymous

    Please place a warning when it a Sun article being referenced.

    • Canadianskeezix

      Agreed. Although I question whether Newsstand should even be referencing satire “news” sites in the first place.

    • Anonymous

      The Sun is its own warning.