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Televisualist: [Insert Nationality Here] Gypsy Wedding

Each week, Torontoist examines the upcoming TV listings and makes note of programs that are entertaining, informative, and of quality. Or, alternately, none of those. The result: Televisualist.

Brett says that "this is what all people secretly want to see" when they watch dance shows. In other news: Brett is a horrible sadist, and we will check his refrigerator to see if there are any human heads in there.

Monday

Television critics all across the internet have taken to “hatewatching” Smash, mostly because Smash is so often bad. Katherine McPhee is just not that good at the whole acting thing, and given that she is the lead that is kind of a problem. Megan Hilty’s Ivy has been largely written as a selfish, bitch-inclined person to give Katherine McBoring an obvious villain to vanquish, and that is stupid writing. The great actors in the cast are being wasted. The show’s dialogue gets dumber with each week, and each week a new character shows up and the songs are okay but not enough to justify all of the other stupid, stupid stuff that is going on. Of course, the show has been renewed for a second season. (Global, 10 p.m.)


Tuesday

Pyros: The Guys Behind The Gunpowder is a reality show about pyrotechnicians—specifically about the staff of a pyrotechnics company based out of Montreal—and how they do their jobs. It’s like someone was watching that episode of 30 Rock where Jack decides to televise fireworks and said, “Well, how can we make this work in real life?” And the result is just sort of awesome and makes you think: “Why am I not doing this for a living? I could be blowing things up and getting paid for it.” (Discovery Channel, 8 p.m.)

Someone a while back made the point that O Brother, Where Are Thou? is partially responsible for the blue/orange plague in movie colourization (because it used computer-aided post-process colourization techniques to artificially bleach colour from the film), and we think this is unfair because it’s not the Coen brothers’ fault that Michael Bay sucks and is bad. (AMC, 8 p.m.)


Wednesday

The Simpsons rerun of the week: “Eternal Moonshine of the Simpson Mind,” a late classic paying homage to Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind that Simpsons producers have suggested could have served as an excellent series finale. “Something happened in this room. If only these walls could talk. Then people would pay to see my talking walls, and I could use that money to… Oh, another memory!” (Comedy Network, 8 p.m.)


Thursday

Winds of Heaven is a documentary about Emily Carr, the celebrated Canadian painter, and…that’s all we know. But it’s a documentary on TVO, and TVO’s doc programming has a pretty good hit/miss ratio, so why not? (8 p.m.)

Paul Rudd returns to Parks and Recreation this week for “The Debate,” wherein Leslie Knope (yayyyyyy!) finally gets her one-on-one moment with Bobby Newport (boooooo!) and also Ron Swanson will probably do something (yaayyyyyyy!). (NBC, 9:30 p.m.)


Friday

The Big C debuts on Canadian basic cable, a little less than two years after it debuted on American basic cable. Now Canadians can enjoy a mediocre show with average writing improved by the likes of Laura Linney and Oliver Platt! And to think, all it took was patience. Of course, you could just watch Breaking Bad instead, but that’s actually a really good show instead of a questionable one, and it airs at the same time here as it does in the USA, so, really, aren’t you in the mood to be treated like a bumpkin by Canadian networks yet again? (W, 8 p.m.)

Okay, so Fringe took a really weird left turn last week. We don’t want to spoil it for people who haven’t seen it yet, but suffice it to say that this is about as wild a plot twist as could be imagined four seasons into a show that has only a few episodes to go before it is possibly cancelled, and yet it completely fits into the framework of the show. Which is ambitious writing, to say the least. (City, 9 p.m.)


The Weekend

Televisualist doesn’t want to bag on wedding-themed reality shows every week for the rest of time or anything, but they just keep coming and we don’t know how else to talk about them and also this is kind of a slow week. This week’s offering is My Big Fat American Gypsy Wedding, which is the sequel series to My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding, and…we are not sure what else to say about this, honestly. After all, the first show was a big hit, so it makes sense in a TV-executive sort of way to do a sequel to it. But what else is there to say? (TLC, 10 p.m. Sunday)

We’ve been so busy with all of the wedding shows we forgot to mention that America’s Best Dance Crew is back, and that’s certainly a good thing by any measure. This season features 10 crews, and now that one has been eliminated about seven of the remaining nine look like they’re good enough to be potential winners (which includes Irratik, a Montreal-based crew that appears to be led by Janick Arseneau, who was a finalist in the third season of So You Think You Can Dance Canada). ABDC never fails to provide plenty of excellent entertainment by talented young people, and that’s what should be on television. Also, you get to hear L’il Mama’s absolutely insane and ridiculous judging comments right after you hear JC Chasez give detailed and helpful notes on each performance, and the dissonance is…something, to say the least. (MuchMusic, 8 p.m. Sunday)

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