Where caramel cutie-pies meet the Watchmen

By Kelli Korducki • Illustration by Matthew Daley

“We’re not saying that your likelihood of landing this position is any greater if you happen to have pretentious eyewear and a swooping hairdo held together with enough Kevin Murphy Powder Puff™ that your natural bodily scent has become essentially indistinguishable from the damp rankness of silica, but let’s just say maybe it possibly won’t hurt your chances and might even be grounds for hiring you, yeah? Oh, but kidding! Totally kidding!”

Romance bounty hunters: bringing sexy back to the informal economy.

Why yes, one can sound world-weary and exhausted while talking about Halal cupcakes, and don’t let anyone tell you any different!

Toronto chapter Art Bell fanclub members: take note.

How would Rorschach drink coffee? Until next instalment…

A lot of people do a lot of weird stuff on the internet, and ground zero for commercial e-weirdness is Craigslist. In Declassified Torontoist combs over our city’s listings to find the best (and worst) of the bunch.

Find listings we should include in our next edition? Email them to declassified@torontoist.com.