It's late summer, and in honour of what has been a true current-events shitshow, we present several thousand rolls of toilet paper, among other appropriately batty offerings.

By Kelli Korducki • Illustration by Roxanne Ignatius.

“Enough to build a fort, teepee the neighbours, pretend to be a mummy and wipe your butt.” Sold.

This person’s questionable spelling actually proves that he or she would be an ideal diet partner—not because the caution-to-the-wind approach to sentence formation implies some underlying determination, but because careful spellers often aren’t very physical.

This is going to be a case study in some stuffy future textbook about recession-era entrepreneurship. Until then, it’s just another one of those things we wish we came up with first.

“See Gramps, you CAN get anything on Craigslist!”

Because every Declassified deserves a happy ending.

A lot of people do a lot of weird stuff on the internet, and ground zero for commercial e-weirdness is Craigslist. In Declassified, Torontoist combs over our city’s listings to find the best (and worst) of the bunch. Find listings we should include in our next edition? Email them to declassified@torontoist.com.