Illustration by Matt Daley/Torontoist.
The G20 taint continues to destroy everything it touches, our garbage smells so bad that it’s banned from London, and Toronto’s “world-class” beaches get nuked in today’s Newsstand.
Good morning! Has it only been two weeks since Toronto’s G20 weekend from hell? Thankfully, we’ve all moved on and now everything is forgiven, right guys? Well, at least Torontonians’ justified outrage isn’t being converted into Progressive Conservative attack screeds, which you might’ve been worried about. Aw, maaan. Well, at the bare minimum, thank secular Jesus that Ontario Ombudsbadass André Marin is on the case with regards to alleged police misconduct. That man may be a legendarily tough boss, but he’s nigh-on incorruptible and virtually immune to criticism. Oh, no frigging way!
This is the end, Toronto. It is now time to submit to the authority of Oakville, or York Region, or even to bow down to the visions of our future Etobicokean overFord. No, no, that’s just the crushing frustration talking. At any rate, the melange of dread, anger, and disappointment we’re currently feeling is nothing compared to what the families of the sixteen accused violent protesters are going through.
A man in his twenties, apparently an innocent bystander, was shot in the back while protecting a child from stray bullets fired at an anti-violence rally. Read that sentence again slowly, and then we’ll let you know that the man is in stable condition, and police are seeking two suspects who may have been caught on a home video made at the event.
Toronto’s compost stinks so much that we are losing our waste-processing privileges in London, Ontario. Waste collected in our green bin program is apparently suspected of letting off a smell so terrible that it’s caused a two-month shutdown of a major treatment company, “Orgaworld,” to let the horrifically nasty fumes disperse a little. During that time, the roughly 4.6 million kilograms of green bin goo Toronto would be sending to Orgaworld will have to find somewhere else to ripen. So far, we have a fall-back solution to deal with the problem for the next two weeks.
The spookily ramshackle gothic church-husk islanded by traffic lanes at 1 Spadina Crescent may be getting a little…what do you call it? Zazzle? Vim? Anyway, architecture of this caliber. U of T’s Faculty of Architecture, Landscape and Design has its eye on the building, which currently houses most of U of T’s visual arts program and a bunch of disembodied human eyeballs for organ donation. If approved by the university’s administration, the proposal could mean tens of millions of dollars of renovations and additions to the site, and a new “bridge to the city and this great artery of Spadina.”
It seems that although seven of Toronto’s beaches meet world-class safety standards, they can’t shake their bad reputation as dirty, infectious, film-developing devil-ponds. We sympathize, but it’s possible that plans to ship nuclear waste by Toronto’s shores isn’t speeding along our beaches’ image rehabilitation.