By André Bovee-Begun

Before Newsstand today, the TTC would like us to take a moment to remind you that token-hoarding is inconsiderate, un-environmental, non-okay, and makes baby trees die screaming in their nursery pots. So, to be safe, even if it prompts a “riders strike,” they’re imposing a five-token-per-person limit at ticket booths, and a one-per-person limit at ticket machines. Because the ten-token cap they handed down on Friday was just asking for trouble. Why would anyone need so many tokens at once? Unless…unless they were melting them down to make SUVs to drive in streetcar lanes while sharing discount Metropasses! Still, it’ll be kind of nice when the fare hike kicks in and we can all buy up tokens ’til we’re practically broke!
Now, with that out of the way, let’s check the papers, where facts are facts, comment is fair, and George Smitherman is “a burly type not unlike the man in the dress“; the cross-dressing, Queen Mum–lookalike whom National Post columnist Kelly McParland referenced to lead-off his article on “Toronto the nuts.” Wait, what? Oh, no, that’s just in McParland’s alternate reality, where Toronto is run by the men who stare at goats.
Which reminds us, Torontonians are spotting a ton of coyotes in town, even spooking police into declaring a coyote warning for Don Mills last week. The wily not-wolves are all long-time Torontonians, but lately they seem to have bounced back from an epidemic of mange that had been keeping down their numbers, plus they travel in packs at this time of year, making them easier to spot.
The man stabbed to death in New Gen Sushi on Saturday night was Ming Yang, 27. His co-worker Xu Wang has been charged with second-degree murder for stabbing Yang in the chest after the two reportedly got into a fight.
If, in the regular course of things, you should find yourself having a heart attack, a new study says you should…consider a (very) quick trip to Vancouver. They’ll treat you way better than we will while you’re slumped on the pavement clutching your chest.
Tough luck, but you know how it goes: Some kids get those double-dose swine-flu shots we mentioned earlier, but some kids go to youth “superjail.” And even for those lucky young inmates in Brampton’s $93-million prison, it’s not as nice as you’d expect.
But hey, no one said life was fair. Just ask the hundreds of people getting billed thousands of dollars for driving cars they never drove on the 407 toll road. Oh, and entering the 407 means entering an “implied contract” requiring you to keep the expressway’s operating company updated on your personal information, forever, or and be held responsible for massive interest charges if, for whatever reason, they fail to send you your bills. A highway with a EULA. There’s your war on cars.