Newsstand: October 28, 2009

There are many of you who have been following the whole illegal-signs debate raging though our (not so) newly amalgamated city on the edge of your seats. Really; it's terribly riveting. Okay, so for those of you who haven't, we covered it in quite some detail here. And here. And we even gave it a Nuit Blanche slant here, because that's just how we roll. Anyway, it looks as though City Hall has released the final draft of their new sign by-law and billboard tax. This basically means that all illegal signs (and billboards without permits) will enjoy some pretty hefty fines. Which, in theory, and like many by-laws, means that Toronto stands to make a serious killing if they'd only go after the myriad perps responsible for this blight upon our fair city. In theory, communism works. In theory.

It appears as though the province will be going ahead with a full-day kindergarten program. The $1.5-billion-per-year program is "essential," according to our fair premier (despite the current $25-billion deficit), to build a stronger future workforce. Really? Is that all it takes? Then again, the world would be a better place if we all just took the time to have some juice and a nap. Lord knows that some people act like they could use one. "Parents everywhere are the same," McGuinty said. "All we want is for our children to grow up and be the very best that they might be, to achieve their greatest potential." And to get out of our damn hair for an extra few hours. To the parents out there, don't say you weren't thinking that yourself. You don't have to admit it publicly—just don't deny it. Because we know.

Speaking of children of whom we shall never tire, the kids in city council are at it again. The Toronto Parking Authority splashed out $10 million (which translates to more than $3,800 apiece) for new readers for its parking meters that can easily be fooled by a cancelled credit card. Wait, what? Where did I put that expired CIBC Visa? Uh...anyway, it's council-to-the-rescue time! They're questioning the deal! But guess what? It's already gone through, so it's too late! Mayhaps someone needs a visit from the storytime mouse to see what time it is. The long minute hand has moved all the way around and is now pointing to the 12, so it's something o'clock...

And finally, here's one of those "just because" headlines that caught our eye this morning, courtesy of CP24: Fourth suspect wanted in toy truck theft. Don't click on it. Just use your imagination—such as it is, considering the fact that you only went to half a day of kindergarten...and with that, dear readers, it looks like a certain Newsstand writer needs a time out.