By Lori Dance

It’s official, kids…the whole country has gone insane. In case you went to bed at six last night, you probably missed out on all the fun: the Liberals are likely calling for an election in as little as two weeks after announcing a non-confidence motion—but they need the help of their fellow opposition in order to pull it off. Where does the NDP stand? With Harper, apparently! (Wait, what?) In true bizarro-world fashion, the Tories have decided to respond to this news in the most interesting way possible—by trying to force Elections Canada into accepting more than half a million dollars from them. How, you ask? By taking them to court! Confused? You won’t be after this week’s episode of Soap.
On the other hand, if you were up all night worrying about whether or not used Kleenex is garbage or green instead of pondering the fate of the nation (and how a federal election may affect us here in Toronto), fear not: a nearly half-million-dollar campaign, courtesy of our fair city, will save you from your stupidity! A series of informative ads will run in papers until October, reintroducing minds made muddled by the garbage strike to the joys of separating baby wipes from banana peels. Does this have anything to do with the recent Rathbone/Star drama (if it can be called that), by any chance? Solid Waste Department Director of Policy and Planning Vincent Sferrazza’s lips say no, but his eyes…oh, his eyes…
Let’s end this early so you can go off and enjoy your hump day…it’s time for the lightning round! TIFFsters are all dressed up with no place to go, Canada isn’t out of the woods yet when it comes to the recession, cell phone companies are being forced to make their contracts easier to understand, McGuinty is making an example of the OLG, and Ontario is now twenty-two thousand pot plants lighter (and not in a fun way). Oh, and the megalomaniacal Mr. Trow is blocking memberships to the THS until one day after their annual general meeting. The theory that he’s hoarding puppies in order to create a furry little army of super-cute minions to take over the world is an interesting one though, sadly, not likely true.