By Lori Dance

Photo by Squeakyrat from the Torontoist Flickr Pool.

Do blue balls reek of Vulcan desire? This is just one of the myriad obscure questions you could have had answered for you had you gone to Fan Expo this weekend but, if you didn’t, allow us to enlighten you. Three new fragrances were being hawked at this year’s convention, one of which is named after Pon Farr, that magical time in every logical being’s life when a lack of sex can result in death (we’ve all heard that one before, haven’t we, ladies?). Not quite feeling like smelling like you’re in alien heat? Try Tiberius if you want to give off that Shatner vibe or, if you feel like signing up for the ultimate sacrifice, there’s always Red Shirt, “a daring men’s fragrance for those brave enough to place no trust in tomorrow.”
While we’re on the topic of feeling handsome and underappreciated, Bill Clinton spoke to a less-than-packed audience yesterday. “We live in a time where it’s very important to merge values,” orated the former president to ten thousand (out of a possible twenty-five thousand) CNE visitors in a speech titled “Embracing Our Common Humanity.” You have to admit, the man looks good for someone who led the US almost ten years ago—and how can you not love a man who says of your city, “There are a lot of people who would kill to live in an environment like this”? Sex and death? Awww, yeah.
Let’s complete today’s hat trick of hotness by evoking images of philanthropic young things running around in their underpants for the good of bathing-suit areas everywhere. AM640 reports that more than three quarters of a million dollars was raised for yesterday’s fun run in support of North York Hospital’s Cancer Care program, further adding that the “fundraiser is all about fighting cancers below the waste [sic].” Really, need anything more be said?
And now, the lightning round: Pan Am officials were in town yesterday to consider a bid to hold the Games here in 2015, tourism doesn’t seem to have been terribly affected this summer despite the garbage strike, a campaign in favour of building a public plaza at Yonge and Bloor is gaining popularity, and bike-theft victims may get some small satisfaction if the Ontario government is successful in seizing Igor Kenk’s property under the Civil Remedies Act. Oh, and the Pirate Party of Canada has made its enrolment fees walk the plank in order to attract new buccaneers—arr you ready to fight the good fight?