By Ashley Carter

Photo of the Lord of the Rings fish tank in all of its majesty from Craigslist.

After passing the hat around Torontoist HQ all week, we just couldn’t get up the funds to purchase the above Craigslist item of our dreams, not in this economy. So we officially—and ruefully—open it up to you, lucky reader: one ninety-gallon “custom built, Lord of the Rings inspired fish tank by a local artist i.e. my boyfriend.”
Ninety gallons! Lord of the Rings! Do you know how many gallons of fish could live in there and be part of the most extreme fish kingdom ever? (Ninety, we guess, but not comfortably?). It’s even designed and built by our favourite local artist (the poster’s unnamed boyfriend)!
And that’s not all. Inside the “6 staged metallic paint job with hand finished gold details” wooden canopy, you’ll find authentic LOTR figurines “in various fight sequences,” eight real-live fish hanging out in there not believing their luck, and a wee heated fish hospital located below the main tank, presumably for fish who have been wounded in the battle for Middle-earth.
With a total value of sixty-five hundred dollars, you can have all this and more (really, it “comes with additional characters that have not been put into the tank yet”) for the low, low price of twenty-six hundred dollars!
But, seriously, you wish you loved something so much that you made this.