By Karen Aagaard (Guest Contributor)

If They Had 1,000,000 Flavours. Photo by David Topping/Torontoist.

All signs pointed to ice cream. But for some strange reason, our invitation to the Barenaked Ladies‘ mysterious press conference (held at the top of the CN Tower, we might add) left us in the dark. The banner-dragging bird, the sky-blue background peppered with white clouds and bubble letters—everything about the e-vite seemed eerily familiar. But it took Ed Robertson’s unveiling of a giant tub of Ben & Jerry’s ice cream—called “If I had 1,000,000 Flavours”—for us to finally clue in.
Just as eyeballs were beginning to roll, the Ladies announced that they were donating their share of the proceeds from the sale of the ice cream to ABC CANADA Literary Foundation. And we thought that was pretty all right.
“I was always kind of jealous when these [other] rock bands had their own flavours,” said Robertson, standing beside his three bandmates. “And now we’re the first Canadian band to have one.” Turns out, “If I Had 1,000,000 Flavours” is also the first Canadian Ben and Jerry’s ice cream—in general—to hit the market. As cups of the cold stuff were handed out, the clinking of spoons against ceramic only slightly obscured the sound of the elephant singing in the room. That is, the sound of reporters eating ice cream did little to distract us from the reality we’d been trying to to ignore: Steven Page—whose voice we heard through the stereo speakers (but not in person)—was gone, from the Barenaked Ladies, for good. And the ice cream, as sweet (and, um, flavourful?) as it was, provided only cold comfort.