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Snow. n. See “mass hysteria.”

By Val Dodge

2008-12-18-no-moo-snow.jpg
A CP24 anchor introduced a weather report this morning by saying “They’re calling it ‘snow-mageddon,’” before gleefully launching into the standard predictions of panic and mayhem that accompany virtually every cloud blowing within 100 km of Toronto. At the time, we thought, “Who’s ‘they’? Don’t you mean ‘you’”?
But, surprisingly enough, the term didn’t originate in a production meeting in the bowels of 299 Queen Street West: it came directly from The Man himself. Yesterday, Environment Canada issued a “Special Weather Statement” for most of southern Ontario. It began:

Could this be snow-mageddon?
Environment Canada is generally not prone to exaggeration unless there is deemed to be a real threat. We evaluate weather information and prediction models in a measured, scientific manner and couple that with overall impacts for significant events.
Mother Nature from time to time will line up a near perfect set of conditions that generate a series of significant events. That time appears to be the coming week or so for many portions of southern Ontario in the form of snow storms. There appears to the right balance of sufficiently cold air in place, with arctic highs to the north and a storm track along the lower Great Lakes. The term ‘snow-mageddon’ is not meant to alarm anyone or make light of the situation, but to highlight the cumulative effects and impacts that a series of snow storms can have on a wide region.
[Emphasis ours.]

Come-ageddon? “Snow-mageddon” is “not meant to alarm anyone,” but it is in fact the result of a “measured, scientific” weather prediction process? Call us skeptical, but we imagine the term emerged from a completely unscientific office bull session, born of much back-slapping and congratulatory snickering.
We all expect this kind of hyperbole from the TV news, but we really do expect better from Environment Canada. Does someone there seriously think that calling a storm “snow-mageddon” is not intended to alarm or make fun? Here’s a hint: if you write something and have to spend the next two paragraphs on disclaimers, you probably shouldn’t write it in the first place.
Following the headline and two paragraphs expounding on the use of “snow-mageddon”, the statement goes on to warn of a world-ending accumulation of “15 to 20 centimetres” during a “particularly nasty snow event,” with “strong indications” of another storm on Sunday. Both storms will be converging right here, on the battleground of the ultimate fight between the forces of good and evil. Er, we mean between an Arctic high and a Colorado low.
It looks like Environment Canada has come to its collective senses; the term (and explanation of its use) is missing from the current version of the statement. In other news, two storms are expected to bring some wind and snow—perhaps even a lot of snow—to Toronto and much of southern Ontario tomorrow and Sunday. You may have trouble driving, the TTC may be a little slow, and your neighbour probably won’t plough his walk. Snow-mageddon? Sounds more like plain old winter to us.
Photo by Georgie_grrl from the Torontoist Flickr Pool.

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Comments

  • McKingford

    Environment Canada is generally not prone to exaggeration unless there is deemed to be a real threat.
    This, of course, makes no sense, and can only mean one of two things:
    1. Environment Canada uses language appropriate to the threat. But if this is the case then it is not exaggerating.
    2. Environment Canada only exaggerates when there is a real threat. But when there is a real threat, isn’t the significance of the threat enough? Isn’t this precisely the time when exaggeration is unnecessary?

  • Boy Reporter

    Come-ageddon? “Snow-mageddon”
    This had me laughing out loud.

  • dowlingm

    This is a clear dumbing down of Environment Canada, a federal agency. It is therefore clearly Harper’s fault.
    Elect Iggy and the overreaction can return to City”Pulse” where it belongs.

  • kendrew

    Come-ageddon? “Snow-mageddon” is “not meant to alarm anyone,”
    You don’t mean alarm-ageddon?

  • fistfight

    People, PLEASE!
    Don’t you all know this is ‘The War on Snow’?
    This is but the first of many battles we Torontoists will be fighting throughout the harsh cold season we call Winter.
    The first wave of the “assault” begins by a bombardment from our massive fleet of “salt” trucks.
    The second wave will be met with our ergonomic shovels. We will drive the dreaded snow away from our paths and driveways into our lawns.
    Our shovels will raise their hands in victory each time we lift and throw the furious flakes away.
    And we shall remember the glory, each time we glide down Blue Mountain, with the snow beneath us, where it belongs.
    And lest we forget, when we’ve won the War on Snow, there will be another glorious battle to be fought, as the War on Heat will come upon us. Hell hath no fury like the Sun’s flames.

  • rapi

    did you mean “the war of the snows”??? or “battle snowlactica”…oh, wait…i know…it is “so you think you can snow” …a new reality show produced by environment canada aka armageddonment canada…

  • rek

    The snowpocalypse has begun!

  • Gauldar

    The 4 snow blowers of the snowmen will come ridding the nation of back-bacon. On the horizon a hoser will appear, with 7 beers and 7 shovels.
    McKenzie 4:20

  • Gauldar

    Damnit, I hate it when I post things without double checking them.

  • David Topping
  • Val Dodge

    Having just ridden my bike to the office, I can confirm that this is not, in fact, the end of the world. It is merely the beginning of winter.

  • rek

    Why does the newsmedia freak out about the first snow fall every year? I remember last year CP24 made the snow their lead story for a good 8 hours.

  • Gauldar

    That’s so they can save all the actual news for the day after. It is also usefull to all the procrastinators in the city who need step-by-step for a situation they didn’t plan for.

  • yvesperret

    The 25 Don Mills bus at 2:30 PM was as close as I ever hope to get to actual Armageddon.

  • Spinifex

    The Sky is Falling: The Media Tell Us So
    —————————————-
    I don’t remember what kind of weather reporting took place (on the radio) when I was a kid quite some time ago, but, I am almost certain that it was very brief and that the weather expertise was gleaned by the guy who did the newscast, when on his way to work, he looked up at the sky and noted the likelihood of what was going to happen and then he probably checked the top corner of the front page of his local newspaper where “the weather” was given; usually in the truncated form of “Snow Today” “High 32 Low 28″ (Fahrenheit)
    We had cars and trucks and “traffic” in those days. There were even “traffic jams” in certain locales. Honest. I kid you not. (Look at old black and white movies.)
    And when the snow came, well, it came. People got their shovels out and cleared their sidewalks. People who had cars often had to use one of those crank-like, hand-starters to turn the motor over. Some car owners put chains on their back wheels. People went to their coal furnaces, shovelled out
    the clinkers and scattered those ashes on the sidewalk and on the driveway so that some traction could be developed.
    And, in our neighbourhood, in our small town, the snow just seemed to stay on the road while vehicles carved ruts in the snow upon which other vehicles followed. And, in my memory, it stayed that way until the snow thawed and melted away and disappeared by virtue of nature’s snowplow.
    In other words, people looked out their windows, saw that it was snowing or it looked like it might snow. They dressed accordingly. And then they blithely went about their business. And, if the car wouldn’t start and there wasn’t alternative transport available, they walked. (Wow! What a concept.)
    There were no WAR IS DECLARED-type news headlines about STORM APPROACHES GTA. There was no constant belabouring of the topic of weather on the radio. There were no “this just in” interruptions about a fender-bender at the corner of Main and Church Streets. There were no “weather desks” or “storm desks”. There was no constant on-site reporting, or updates “from the airport” about the fact that airplanes were having trouble getting off the ground. (Wow! Who would have thought that that could happen?)
    There were no really silly high school-style “journalists” from CP24, CITYtv and and all the other tv stations going out of their studios to stand on the road with snow swirling about to breathlessly inform us, in extended “reporting”, every half hour at least, with ominous voices accompanied by suitably anxious faces, that, “Well, Toronto, the storm has arrived and traffic is moving slowly!”
    There was none of that nonsense by which the Toronto media, in their striving to be in a really, really big “world class” city, by emulating what they think the media in cities
    such as New York do, only embarrass themselves by being copy-cats of cities such as Buffalo; a city which Torontonians enjoy ridiculing; except for that bunch of envying Hogtown sycophants who covet the Bills of Buffalo and hatch new and more insidious ways of stealing that NFL franchise.
    There was none of that nonsense. There was just self-evident “weather” to which very little attention was paid by anybody.
    The behaviour of the Toronto media (and other Canadian outlets seemingly) when it comes to manufacturing images of disaster out of little more than falling snow and blowing wind, only debases the credibility of the media and increases the public’s scepticism of the media both with regard to weather and with all other stories.
    It really is quite embarrassing for those media outlets who indulge in this quite immature and unsophisticated approach to commenting upon a natural occurrence which, to anyone who has lived in Canada for more than a year or two, should be no surprise whatsoeover.
    So, Surprise! THERE IS NO SURPRISE!
    *****