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Culture

Welcome to TIFF 2014

Survival guides, reviews, and other fun stuff

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news

Burning Tires Retired, U of T Gets Very Own Skynet, We Still Suck In Beijing

tirechairs.jpg
Ontario’s Environment Minister wants the province to have a scrap-tire recycling program. Tire retailers and collectors are opposed to the idea, because they make their money selling tires to be burned as fuel. Also opposed: the National Burning Stuff Association, who stated, “If we can’t burn tires, what are they going to keep us from burning next?”
The University of Toronto will soon become home to Canada’s most powerful supercomputer. The supercomputer will be used by scientists to solve physics problems and in its spare time will play the most bitchingly awesome sessions of World of Warcraft in the entire world.
Residents near Carlton and Jarvis are sick of all the prostitutes in their neighbourhood, so they banded together to form a foot patrol. Now, instead of prostitutes and their customers keeping the locals up all night, the locals are staying up all night voluntarily. (In retrospect, this may not have been the greatest plan.)
PropaneWatch 2008 continues, as city Councillor Maria Augimeri got into a shouting match yesterday with an angry constituent, telling him to “shut up.” Augimeri later explained that it was okay, though, because the guy was, like, totally an asshole. In more important news, Sunrise Propane twice violated provincial safety codes in the last two years, but provincial regulators didn’t do jack.
Finally, Mike Brown’s fourth-place finish in the 200m breaststroke continued Canada’s medal drought at this year’s Olympics. Expect Canada’s lacklustre performance to get mentioned by some annoying politician somewhere very soon.
Photo by Christmas w/a K.

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