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news

Tobacco Farmers Paid, Traffic Charges Laid, Mookie Gets Made

By Christopher Bird

tobaccohuts.jpg
The federal government announced that it’s going to give Ontario’s 1,000 remaining tobacco farmers $300 million so the farmers can stop growing tobacco. The farmers are all very excited about being paid money to not farm tobacco, and plan to grow marijuana instead.
The Ontario government claims it’s fast-tracking a high-speed rail line from Union Station to Pearson Airport. The people who always insist that Toronto is a world-class city now say that Toronto will be even more world-class when the line is built. World-classier, even.
The OPP laid over 5,000 driving-related charges over the long weekend, which is “news” only in the sense that people drive stupider on long weekends, but hey, if it makes the OPP happy to call it a special news announcement, it’s the least we can do. The OPP has been so depressed lately!
As part of an undercover investigation into the feminist movement, the RCMP spied on Rita MacNeil in the early 1970s. Torontoist would like to thank the RCMP’s rampant paranoia of the time for giving this story the best headline ever.
Finally, David Miller wants Torontonians to support Mookie Morris as the next Canadian Idol. With your help, Toronto, Mookie can become the next Ryan Malcolm! (Who, we are informed, currently has an excellent job at a Mr. Sub.)
Photo by Mike Wood.

Comments

  • Vincent Clement

    People don’t drive stupider on holiday weekends.
    Instead of focusing on speeders, perhaps the OPP could focus on the fool driving 100 or 105 km/h in the middle or left lane, bunching up all the traffic behind them. Even worse is the person doing 90 km/h. Get off the highway.
    If the OPP really cared about highway safety, they would push the government to increase the speed limit to 115 or 120 km/h, the average driving speed. But that would mean a reduction in speeding tickets, since compliance increases when you set the speed limit to the 85th percentile and would mean that Cam Woolley wouldn’t have anything ‘important’ to say.

  • james a

    Yeah, it seems like every other day we hear about another highway fatality that could have been prevented if only someone hadn’t been driving so slowly! When will the madness end?
    While we’re at it, the Toronto Police should stop focusing on robberies and homicides and take care of those dastardly people who stand-left on the subway escalators.

  • Gauldar

    I am one of those proud people who only do at most 110 km/h in the middle lane, but only use the left lane to pass. Do you seriously need to go that extra 5-15 km/h faster?
    I do agree that people don’t drive worse then usual on long weekends. It’s just that there is a higher density of people, therefor more idiots readily available to ticket in a specific location. It also helps that there is alot more happening on the road (or the train of SUVs driving in front of you blocking your view), chances are they don’t noice the cop sitting on the side of the road. Also alot more breaking involved due to that density they have no problem pulling them over.
    Your on the road to get from point A to point B, not to race.

  • pupils

    If the OPP really cared about highway safety, they would push the government to increase the speed limit to 115 or 120 km/h, the average driving speed.
    Great! Then:
    1) We would burn even more fuel and emit even more CO2, and
    2) in five years you’ll be back here posting that “If the OPP really cared about highway safety, they would push the government to increase the speed limit to 135 or 140 km/h, the average driving speed.”
    Personally, I think Spain has the right idea.

  • Gauldar

    Nice link pupils, it reminds me of this one I read a while back.
    Here

  • Svend

    Good link, I think Spain has the right idea.

  • bbpsi

    “I am one of those proud people who only do at most 110 km/h in the middle lane,”
    As you’re well aware, the 400 series highways operate under a magical set of rules where the right lane goes at 110km/h, the middle lane goes at 120km/h, and the left lane goes at 130km/h, and noone ever complains unless someone does 140+ even though the limit is 100.
    So, that said, if you want to do 110 why not do it in the right hand lane?

  • Gauldar

    As you’re well aware, the 400 series highways operate under a magical set of rules where the right lane goes at 110km/h, the middle lane goes at 120km/h, and the left lane goes at 130km/h, and noone ever complains unless someone does 140+ even though the limit is 100.

    I can’t tell if you’re being sarcastic or if you actually believe this. If you’re being serious, I’ll stick with following the white and black signs that tell me how fast to go (give 10 km/h regarding speed of traffic) and I’ll leave the “Magic Rules” to you. It’s not that I don’t think there is a place in society for these “Magic Rules”, since it sounds like these keep the OPP funded very well. I follow the standard rules that the right lane is for getting on and off the highway, middle for cruising at a relatively constant speed, and left for passing. Simple right? Excuse me while I get back to work on my essay on “Imaginary Fact”.

  • digitsview

    Two comments, first I don’t watch Canadian Idol (even if my University Roomate produces it), but I looked up Ryan Malcolm, and apparently he’s actually been relatively succesfull since the show, which surprised me!
    Regarding the OPP News, this is my favourite taken from the Globe & Mail “The fastest speeder ticketed this weekend was a man from New York, who was clocked at 227 kilometres an hour on Highway 427 in west Toronto“.
    Now that’s real speeding European style !!!

  • Gauldar

    European style? I think in the eyes of the New Yorker he was only doing 40 mp/h over the speed limit while wondering why all those Canadian’s are driving so slow.

  • digitsview

    he was only doing 40 mp/h over the speed limit while wondering why all those Canadian’s are driving so slow

    Well if you think about this, 40 mp/h over put’s him at more than double the average highway speed limit of 55 mp/h in the good ol’ U.S. of A. which is a sluggish 88 km/h.

  • Gauldar

    Yeah, but what I am saying is that he is looking at the road signs saying 100. I was just making a stupid joke about him seeing the sign, not doing any speed conversions and saying “100 huh? Ok”. But the 400 is a fair distance from the boarder so he would have figured it out by then, but that doesn’t mean it wouldn’t be his excuse to the officer. It must have been in a real off hour to be able to get that speed without having difficulty with traffic though.