They're After You, Toronto

You know those vapour trails in the sky? The ones left by meandering airliners five miles above your head? They're chem-trails, man; they're trying to fry the synapses right out of your brain, leaving you vulnerable and fresh for the harvesting. It's all a conspiracy—aliens, the gubbermint, CanWest Global; they're all in cahoots, man. It's the Big They, and they're hot on your heels. Get out your tinfoil hat.

Don't worry. You don't need to buy into any of this to check out the Fourth Annual Toronto Tinfoil Hat Contest, happening Saturday night at the Renaissance Cafe. The latest in a series of zany happenings hosted by Funkless—with a simply-encapsulated mission statement of "parties are fun & normal is boring"—the idea is to model your own innovative, gamma-resistant (not really), potentially hilarious tinfoil helmet in an hour and a half. Or less, depending upon your experience and/or level of paranoia.

With prizes ranging from gift certificates to Hair By Miranda to chapbooks to sacks full of coffee from the Renaissance Cafe, the event features—as ever—host Cynthia Gould, music by DJ Bob Wadlow, and the encouragement to bribe the crap out of presiding judges. Just don't wear any cologne or perfume or anything, because they'll toss you out on your tinfoil-less head.

Doors open at 7:45 Saturday night and the contest starts at 8:15 sharp. There's also a cover of $3–$5, depending upon what you can afford.

And hey, if they actually are scannning your brain, the ancillary perks of this thing are huge.

Photo by QuietDangst.