Keys to the Casting Room

Spotted on Craigslist this week: a casting call for Keys to the VIP, because dreams do come true.

Do you think you have what it takes to be a part of the first professional league for players??
Men between 19-30 years old *must be at least 19 because taping takes place in a club

-outgoing, confident, comfortable talking to women
-not married or in a serious relationship
-looking for guys to meet girls, are creative with their game and are willing to have a good time with it!!

To audition, please email your name, phone number and a short paragraph as to why you’d be good for the show. In the subject line please write CASTING.

Now, we understand that if you have ever for even one microsecond considered being a contestant on this show, you are going to have difficulty conjuring up a fully formed sentence, let alone a short paragraph. But you're in luck: Torontoist, ever the Samaritan-like neighbour, is here to save you a lot of shift-F7ing (save the effort for the free weights, right?) with our easier-than-an-underage-sorority-girl casting application form. Simply fill in the blanks in our mad-lib template, copy-paste-send, and await the callback. (Please note that, like any pickup artist worth his weight in "gold," the casting director will probably make you wait at least 48 hours.)

To: gigs-669872043@craigslist.org
From: (Your email address here)
Subject line: CASTING.

Dude,

You're a dude, right? Awesome, cuz the only place chicks should be on top is ON MY BALLSACK, if you know what I'm sayin'.

My name is __________ (B.J./Sean Michael/Carter), but all my bros call me The Crane, cause I'm a hoooomewrecker. GET IT? BAHAHAHA.

I'm emailing you cuz I'm a big fan of your show and I wanna (join your professional league of number one playas/prove my Momma wrong: there ARE girls who appreciate a well-done hi-top fade/get some loooove in the cllllub/meet my hero, Peachez). Plus, I've got more game than an arcade room, know what I'm sayin'?

I just turned (18, but I have a wicked 'stache/34, but all my women say I'm more like 17, so that averages out to what, like, 20?) and I'm free as a jailbird. You can reach me at (Momma's telephone number/Baby Momma's telephone number/MSN Messenger nickname) anytime, day OR night, except not night cuz I'm usually getting laid, if you know what I'm sayin'.

Hit me.

Sincerely,
THE CRANE.

Photo from Keys to the VIP official website.