Hillary Wins Pennsylvania, Tories Win Additional Scrutiny, Raptors Win Nothing

Hillary Clinton has won the Pennsylvania primary. The Clinton campaign remains alive after a ten-point win in the state, thus proving that a campaign currently in debt can win if it runs enough negative attacks and limps along to the next contest. This is also known as the "limping zombie" theory of electoral campaigning.

The Tories are defending their election financing shenanigans. This marks the "what we did was perfectly okay" stage of the scandal, as we've passed the "no we didn't do anything," "we told you we didn't do anything," and "why are you trying to cause trouble by saying we did something" stages. At this rate, "we're very, very sorry" should be on tap by next week.

A house collapsed on Rose Park Drive. Rosedale residents sipped their lattes and were terribly shocked by the collapse. Commented one individual, "Well, I could see this happening in Parkdale, but here? Now, really."

Canadians are very bad about emitting greenhouse gases. We are worse than everybody bar the Americans and Australians. Special thanks go to the Alberta tar sands, with special consideration to our extravagant and wasteful lifestyles.

And the Magic beat the Raptors to take a 2–0 series lead in their best-of-seven.

Photo by Angela Radulescu.