April 30, 2008
Ben and Jeery
Yesterday was a tough day for fans of free ice cream.
You see, April 29th was Ben and Jerry's Free Cone Day, at participating store locations worldwide. Los Angeles residents, like much of the rest of the world, easily (and, we assume, happily) got theirs. The Ben and Jerry's at 238 Queen Street West, however—Toronto's only downtown store—was closed, with a sign in the window that declared it was "Closed for the season! See you in the spring," but with a "notice of distress" from the landlord posted on January 31, 2008 that would suggest that a springtime revival was not only a tad overdue but not all that likely at all.
Torontoist received no fewer than two tragic emails from devastated readers. Reader Erinn J wrote that the shuttering of the store, and resulting lack of cones, was "a grave and serious issue facing all Torontonians today....The closest location is in Vaughan, and you and I know that Vaughan is for jerks." Concluded Erinn: "it definitely bummed me out."
Unfortunately, we had no time to warn poor and malnourished non-Vaughan-living Torontoist readers, like Mick Southon, who sent us his tragic story, too: "As you know, Ben & Jerry's on Queen West is down for the count. I was front-and-center at 12:01pm, but instead of a line, I found a shuttered, filthy store with mail piling up inside. I returned at 4:05pm, naively hoping against hope that a Ben & Jerry's rep would be there handing out coupons (if not actual samples) to soothe the multitudes of disappointed cone enthusiasts. But, again, nothing but a dirty store." Mick signed his email "Saddened & grumpy."
Mick was also nice enough to send us a few photos of the conastrophe, one of which is above, and the rest of which you can see after the fold. May God have mercy on our bowls (of ice cream).
All photos by Mick Southon
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Vaughan is Ontario's centre of demonic influences. This should have became evident to the surrounding municipalities when Italians began moving to Woodbrigde en masse.
to Mick Southon:
I would ask you if you had anything better to do with your day/life, but clearly, you don't.
a whole day dedicated to getting a free ice cream cone AND you took your camera with you?
pity.
Hey! Leave the Woodbridge Italians alone!
I do believe that there's a Ben and Jerry's on Queen East in the Beaches...
Vaughan is for jerks and the centre of demonic influences?!
Ouch! Speaking as a "Woodbridge Italian" I can assure you - not all of us are demons. I am trying desparately to escape, yes, but we're not all that bad. And I know who you speak of - have pity on them, for they do not know they do.
I happen to know that Mick Southon has PLENTY of good things to do with his day, which he does IN ADDITION to attempting to procure free ice cream. And "Erin" only has 1 N. Vaughan is not easily accessible by TTC or bike and therefore is still for jerks.
That is all.
There was a list of participating locations on Ben & Jerry's website, 238 Queen Street West was not one of them. I don't think any locations in Toronto were part of the promotion. Next time save yourself the hassle & check to see if the location you plan to head to is participating.
...or, if you've spent any time in the neighbourhood, or ever ventured to Ben and/or Jerry's on a NON-free cone day (and considering it's been so damn cold out recently, can't think it'd be anyone's top priority), you'd notice it's been closed for months.
Anyway, Free Cone Day is anything but free. They have a donation box for some scam known as "charity," and you'll be made to look bad if you donate any less than five bucks, which is more than a freaking cone costs.
Plus there's the eternal wait in line. And since time is money, you could've used said time to earn enough money to buy one of these iced confections.
Then there's the cost of your dignity!
And let's not forget all those empty calories.
Seriously, this is a blessing in disguise.
Maybe they gave away too many free cones? :P
As LBot said, the website listed participating locations. The only two in Ontario NOT participating were the Queen W and Queen E locations. In other words - the two that would be busiest.
Of course, the Queen W has been closed for a while.
Yesterday was $0.31 cone day at Baskin-Robbins, but I don't think it was valid in Canada.
Vaughan's motto is "The City above Toronto". Clearly this means they're better than us. A motto never told a lie...I think. Case closed.
Woodbridge Italians? Evil Vaughan? Empty calories?
Friends...what's missed in all this is the JOURNEY. It's the anticipation. It's the delight.
Rare is the phrase in the English language that engenders more glee than "free ice cream". It brings together two of the best things imaginable ("ice cream" + "free" ).
If not us, who will stand for all the little things that make us happiest in life?