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Your Toronto 2014 Issue Navigator

How the candidates compare on some of the city's biggest issues.

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Glass Makes Money, Train Costs Less Money, Ed Stelmach Is Money

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New glass recycling program will save local municipalities millions of dollars. It turns out that you can turn used glass into other things than smaller bits of broken glass!
Stephen Harper threatens to sue Stéphane Dion for libel over allegations of bribery. Harper, long an advocate of tort reform, explained that while limiting the ability of people to sue is generally a good thing, he didn’t mean that it should apply to him.
Tory MP proposes “no-frills” train line from Peterborough to Union Station. Dean Del Mastro plans to make the line profitable by forcing all passengers to pedal in unison, saving greatly on energy expenses.
Anglican church locks its doors. The congregation of St. Chad’s on Dufferin voted to abandon the official Anglican church and join the rebelling Anglican Network, which opposes same-sex marriage rights. The Anglican church responded by saying, “that’s nice. Go buy your own frigging church, then.” Except, you know, in a holier way.
Alberta elects 11th consecutive Tory government. Alberta voters supposedly hungry for change, according to the media zeitgeist, displayed it by voting for the exact same guys they always vote for. Premier Ed Stelmach said, quote, “it’s not how long you govern, it’s how well you govern,” which coincidentally is also his approach to sex.
Finally, America, or at least some of it, votes. Primaries tonight in Texas, Ohio, Rhode Island, and Vermont will determine if Hillary Clinton’s campaign to become President will end ignominiously or, alternately, continue ignominiously. Also, John McCain will likely clinch his party’s nomination, having worked overtime to cater to the whims of crazy assholes like John Hagee, who claims that Catholics are devil-spawn.
Photo by andreakw from the Torontoist Flickr Pool.

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