By Patrick Metzger

In the most important news story of the day, two people have been arrested in the mysterious case of Huckleberry, the dog who vanished from outside a Yonge Street bakery and was returned after his owner offered a $15,000 reward. Police haven’t said whether they believe Huckleberry was in on the caper.
Oil prices closed yesterday at over US$100 a barrel yesterday, spooking financial markets. And my mom said I was crazy for keeping those barrels of oil in my bedroom. Who’s laughing now, ma?
In the U.S. Presidential primaries, the Obama train keeps rolling along, with the Will Smith of Presidential politics defeating Hilary Clinton in both Wisconsin and Hawaii. Clinton said that while either of them would “make history” as President, she already knows where they keep the cereal bowls in the White House kitchen.
The U.S. military may use a missile to shoot down a powerless spy satellite as early as tonight. The goal is to avoid possible environmental dangers from the satellite’s toxic fuel, not at all to test American abilities to blow up stuff in space or get rid of sensitive technology before it accidentally falls on Iran. British government sources scoffed at the missile plan, saying that if it were their satellite, MI6 would send up a single impeccably dressed operative to destroy the device with a nuclear pocket watch.
Photo by NiteLynx.