By Patrick Metzger

The highly-respected British science journal Nature has called the Harper government’s record on science and the environment “dismal.” The PM was unavailable for comment yesterday, as he was in an emergency cabinet meeting called after Wednesday night’s lunar eclipse to determine why the moon had disappeared.
An independent panel of experts has come up with a number of recommendations to put Toronto on firmer fiscal ground, including tolls on highways, higher residential property taxes, and selling off some real estate assets. They’ve also recommended greater powers for the mayor and substantial raises for some city councillors. Say, who hired that panel anyway?
Canadian wolves relocated to the U.S. to revive exterminated populations have been so successful that they are no longer considered endangered, and hunters are hoping to start shooting them again soon. A spokesman for the National Rifle Association explained that “it’s fun killin’ stuff.”
Turkish troops have entered northern Iraq in a bid to stop attacks on Turkish targets by Kurdish rebels. They should learn from the U.S. that invading Iraq is like eating salted peanuts: once you start it’s really hard to stop.
A German treasure hunter claims to have determined the location of the “Amber Room” treasure, looted from Russia by German troops in 1945 and never recovered. International law requires that any expedition to find lost Nazi gold be led by Harrison Ford, Nicholas Cage, or Matthew McConaughey.
Photo by PDPhotography from the Torontoist Flickr Pool.