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news

Queen’s Park Prayer Out-Phasing, Thailand Not So Amazing, Clemens Pants Blazing

By Patrick Metzger

2008_02_14_lords_prayer.jpg
Dalton McGuinty plans to form a committee to look for ways of replacing the daily recitation of the Lord’s Prayer at Queen’s Park, a practice which he says does not properly reflect Ontario’s diversity. The Lord was unavailable for comment.
If you’re planning a trip to Thailand, don’t forget sunscreen, mosquito repellent, and a lightweight Kevlar vest. A Mississauga scientist travelling in northern Thailand with his wife was the fourth Canadian to be shot in that country since December. The man is expected to recover, and the Thai Tourist Board is expected to begin selling t-shirts with the ironic slogan “Survivor: Thailand.”
Ontario taxpayers spent over $135 million last year on some 14,600 refugee claimants collecting welfare, and the Province is looking for more money from the feds to help pay for it. Individuals wishing to claim refugee status and collect welfare in Canada must undergo a rigourous two-step process involving firstly showing up, and secondly, asking for money.
In sports, kind of, baseball legend Roger Clemens testified before the U.S. Congress that he had never used performance-enhancers, in spite of testimony from a former trainer and a former teammate to the contrary. Clemens declared his willingness to put his non-shrivelled testicles on display as proof that he had not used steroids, but his offer was declined by the committee.
Photo by jessamyn from Flickr.

Comments

  • Kevin Bracken

    > The Lord was unavailable for comment.
    lol
    On a more serious note, though, the sooner the dregs of religion are purged from government, the better. Unless it’s FSM or Raptor Jesus.

  • Kristin Foster

    why not use “Clemens Pants A-blazing” to keep the rhythm set by the first two?

  • Mark Ostler

    They’re so old-fashioned, but not in that cute way that one’s doting, harmless grandparents are.
    Kevin: Don’t forget the Chanukah Zombie.
    http://futurama.overt-ops.com/Chanukah_Zombie

  • Marc Lostracco

    I had no idea they were even reciting the Lord’s Prayer at Queen’s Park in the first place—which raises the following questions:
    1) What’s the point in saying a group prayer in Legislature anyway?
    2) Why has it taken this long for the issue to be raised?

  • Ben

    I don’t like this talk of saying a more inclusive prayer. Those who want to can pray before work. Once they’re on the clock they should be legislatin’.

  • Patrick Metzger

    Kristin:
    You make an excellent point. In fact, I should also have taken out the word “so” before “amazing” and the headline would have been more rhythmic still.
    Sadly, the damage has been done. Next time, I’ll read it out loud before I post.

  • andrew

    Ben,
    Except for breaks throughout the day for prayer. Let’s not forget some people pray at different times. And not the muttered under one’s breath “God, please smite Kormos, sincerely, Dalton, amen”, but like all-out praying. Otherwise, yeah, legislate m-effers, legislate.

  • burnstoemerge

    I had no idea either until I heard about this story. I recently attended a Toronto city council meeting and everyone sang O Canada at the start of the meeting (complete with a dramatic video montage), and that seemed appropriate enough.
    Although he does have some hair-brained ideas sometimes, this is one time I have to side with Dalton (somewhat). I don’t really think they need a committee, however. Just do away with it altogether.