TSX Is Stunned, Slumlord Is Surprised, Jamario Moon Is A Slam Dunker

By Christopher Bird

TSX plunges nearly five percent in one day. The stocks dropped as a result of a worldwide sell-off prompted by the probable American recession that, depending on who you talk to, is either here already, coming very soon, or never going to come ever. Of course, you’ll only hear that last one when you talk to George W. Bush.
Landlord of “the Dungeon” says it’s not his fault. He only rents it out, he says. It’s not his fault if the tenants are pigs, he says. He is shocked, shocked by the conditions there, he says. Also, he asked, “Why would anybody poop in a bucket when there’s a perfectly good window?”
Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama engage in tense, heated debate. Also present at the debate, although you would not know it from the article: John “The Littlest Candidate” Edwards.
Liberal senator under investigation for overbilling. Mobina Jaffer apparently charged for thirty hours of work in a single day. Ms. Jaffer’s defense is that she works so hard for her clients that she is capable of bending the laws of space and time. Thus, she is now under investigation not only by the Law Society, but by the Physics Society.
Finally, Jamario Moon will be in this year’s slam dunk contest at the NBA All-Star Weekend. This is exciting because the last time a Raptor player got to participate in the slam dunk contest it was Vince Carter, and look how that turned out!
Photo by ..matt..