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Gas Going Gangbusters, Kenyan Khaos, US Candidates Vie For Biggest Caucus

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Gas prices are up three cents a litre as the price of oil crossed the psychological threshold of US$100 a barrel for the first time ever. Upon hearing the news, Stephen Harper flew to the Alberta oil sands and gave a stirring speech about how victory would soon be his, whereupon he was roundly cheered by all the hosts of Mordor.
A low-level mobster claims that in 1974 he was tasked with assassinating Pierre Trudeau, who had offended the Mafia through his association with Fidel Castro. Originally supposed to shoot Trudeau, the man was able to avoid suspicion by waiting 27 years and killing the former PM with cancer.
In the US, the Iowa caucuses take place tonight. This not even remotely democratic process will play a key role in determining who becomes the next President of the United States. To put American politics into perspective, the leading Republican candidate, Mike Huckabee, has said that he does not believe in evolution. Insiders say that Huckabee does not believe in gravity either, and wears heavy weights in his shoes to keep from floating away to Heaven.
Kenya remains volatile today, with ethnic violence continuing to flare up in cities across the country. Kenya had been a model for stability in Africa, where admittedly the bar has been set pretty low, but it’s still sad.
In a Decima poll in which people rated their own attractiveness, 8% gave themselves 10 out of 10, and two-thirds of those were men. Man, we are some fine-looking dudes in this country.
Photo by goatopolis in Flickr.

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