Televisualist: Kenny, Geek, and It's Specials Week

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Televisualist: Kenny, Geek, and It’s Specials Week

Each week, Torontoist examines the upcoming TV listings and makes note of programs that are entertaining, informative and of quality. Or, alternately, none of those. The result: Televisualist.
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Monday

Teletoon runs The Bugs Bunny And Tweety Show just about all the time, and mostly it’s just kind of there for a few minutes’ entertainment, but it’s worth mentioning that today they’re showing “Duck Dodgers And The Return To The 24 And A Halfth Century,” and Televisualist highly approves of Duck Dodgers. (8 p.m.)
Kenny Rogers: Keep Christmas With You. Well, I guess a subpar musical Christmas special à la Rita Macneil isn’t the worst thing in the…no, no, this sucks pretty hard. Geez, Kenny, what was wrong with retiring as a roasted-chicken magnate? (Sun TV, 8 p.m.)
Speaking of shitty Christmas television, City airs Santa Baby—a made-for-TV flick about a “highly successful business executive” played by Jenny McCarthy, of all people, who is the daughter of Santa Claus! WACKY. (8 p.m.)

Tuesday

CBS airs Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer for what is likely to be your first opportunity of about a dozen to watch this beloved holiday classic. You know how you know it’s beloved? Because it actually says that in the promo copy. We’re not kidding. (8 p.m.)
The final episode of Beauty and the Geek. Televisualist has absolutely nothing to say about this, nor about the fact that, once again, teevee amazingly has no problems pairing hot chicks with ugly dork guys, but never touches the reverse option. Well, looks like we had something to say after all. (City, 8 p.m.)

Wednesday

ABC is likely thanking Santa for all the Christmas specials they stocked up, what with the writer’s strike and all. Tonight’s offering is Santa Claus Is Comin’ To Town, one of the less-famous Rankin/Bass stop-motion specials from the 1970s. The Rankin/Bass specials, though, are mostly excellent, and this one is no exception (featuring Fred Astaire as the narrator!), so it could be worse. (ABC, 8 p.m.)
If you are sick to death of all the damn Christmas specials already (and Televisualist is honestly not bothering to mention all of them), may we suggest The Mummy? Featuring Brendan Fraser versus evil dead things and Rachel Weisz being awesomely British and sexy. (City, 8 p.m.)
Tonight’s episode of Little Mosque On The Prairie is entitled “No Fly List.” Sometimes you just know something’s going to be really fun in advance. (CBC, 8 p.m.)

Thursday

Barbara Walters Presents: The 10 Most Fascinating People of 2007. They include Don Imus (what?), David Beckham and his wife (what?), Katherine Heigl because she was in Knocked Up and is hot (unlike Seth Rogen), and the people who founded MySpace, which shows you how amazingly with-it Barbara Walters is these days. (ABC, 10 p.m.)
We could mention yet another terrible made-for-TV Christmas movie here, but we won’t. Instead, I give you: The Care Bears Nutcracker. Come on, you have to admit that as horrible Christmas specials go, this one sounds particularly like a trainwreck. Odds on a spectacularly inappropriate Care Bear Stare at some point: even. (Treehouse, 8 p.m.)

Friday

You want a respite from horrible Christmas dreck? How about some horrible Chanukah dreck? Adam Sandler’s Eight Crazy Nights. It’s about as funny as being slapped with a fish. No, actually, it’s less funny than being slapped with a fish. (City, 8 p.m.)
If you instead want horrible Christmas dreck, ABC airs the perfectly good Frosty The Snowman, and then follows it up as they do every year with the horrifically bad Frosty Returns, which was made in 1992, features the voice of John Goodman as Frosty, and was directed by Lorne Michaels. See what we mean by horrifically bad? (8 and 8:30 p.m. respectively)
The Simpsons rerun of the week: “Bart’s Comet.” TO THE OBSERVATORY! (Comedy Network, 9 p.m.)

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